My wife and her family dragged me to see this movie. I had a bad feeling about it when I saw Subway partnering with the film. Subway has a long history of being a dead canary in the coal mine when it comes to bad movies. You always know what to avoid seeing when you catch a glimpse of movie promotions as you attempt to "eat fresh". But against my better judgment, I agreed to go along, mostly to spend time with them.
My expectations were low, as in fairness were theirs. We were all expecting to see a campy disaster-action movie with lots of special effects and things blowing up. I guess I have a lower threshold of what it takes to want my time back.
I couldn't have been fifteen minutes into the movie before it was obvious to me where the script was going, with such specificity I could have improvised the rest of the lines and probably done it much better myself. We all know the series of cliches made popular in the 80s with such flims as Top Gun and An Officer and a Gentleman, as well as reintroduced recently with the remade James T Kirk in the new version of Star Trek.
We begin by introducing our hero, I forget his name so we'll just call him Lieutenant Hotdog. The way the formula usually goes is the not yet Lt Hotdog is a washed up loser who's life is a mess. He usually has some painful family situation, perhaps a dead famous father who's great name he has trouble living up to or a overachieving brother he can't seem to be more like. Regardless, joining the military proves to provide the kind of structure and discipline Lt. Hotdog needs. He's always got a lot of raw talent but his bad boy ways and acting like a loose canon strain his relations with his superior officers. Normally, we'd expect a person like this in the military to find himself working as a janitor and kept the hell away from fighter jets, heavy guns and certainly no where near any rank of authority but that's not how things work in these movies.
So Lt. Hotdog, true for form, messing things up badly in a moment of bad judgment. In this case, the movie went for the old formula of bitter-rival-eggs-him-on-and-he-has-fist-fight-that-lands-them-both-in-big-trouble-with-the-brass. The predictable "what am I going to do with you" talk with his superior officer ensues. We get the "you have so much talent/potential but..." speech. The ball gets rolling on the book being thrown at Lt. Hotdog.
As luck would have it, just as things seem hopeless for Lt. Hotdog, the main crisis of the movie happens. Only Lt. Hotdog can save the day now. Naturally, he has his moments of self-doubt but he rises to the occasion and shows his flying skills or out-of-the-box thinking are exactly what's needed to save the day. If the crisis of the movie features aliens as this one did, the aliens are usually some more evolved version of an animal on our world and their weakness follows conveniently the same pattern, a weakness that can be exploited at some pivotal point in the battle.
After Lt. Hotdog save the day, he wins the respect of his superiors and the heart of his love interest and everyone lives happily ever after.
This formulaic plot runs through its checklist hitting every single stereotype as it entertains the audience with such special effects as bombs that insert themselves into the ships before blowing up (for those who didn't already get that the movie was based on the game), evil flaming sentient tires tearing through military bases and naval ships, and enemy vessels that can fly but prefer to skip along the ocean so as to tip off Lt. Hotdog's rival where the bad guys are so they can be fired upon.
So there you have it. Next time, I'm listening to my better judgment. Just had to rant as I often do after seeing a train wreck in the theater.
My expectations were low, as in fairness were theirs. We were all expecting to see a campy disaster-action movie with lots of special effects and things blowing up. I guess I have a lower threshold of what it takes to want my time back.
I couldn't have been fifteen minutes into the movie before it was obvious to me where the script was going, with such specificity I could have improvised the rest of the lines and probably done it much better myself. We all know the series of cliches made popular in the 80s with such flims as Top Gun and An Officer and a Gentleman, as well as reintroduced recently with the remade James T Kirk in the new version of Star Trek.
We begin by introducing our hero, I forget his name so we'll just call him Lieutenant Hotdog. The way the formula usually goes is the not yet Lt Hotdog is a washed up loser who's life is a mess. He usually has some painful family situation, perhaps a dead famous father who's great name he has trouble living up to or a overachieving brother he can't seem to be more like. Regardless, joining the military proves to provide the kind of structure and discipline Lt. Hotdog needs. He's always got a lot of raw talent but his bad boy ways and acting like a loose canon strain his relations with his superior officers. Normally, we'd expect a person like this in the military to find himself working as a janitor and kept the hell away from fighter jets, heavy guns and certainly no where near any rank of authority but that's not how things work in these movies.
So Lt. Hotdog, true for form, messing things up badly in a moment of bad judgment. In this case, the movie went for the old formula of bitter-rival-eggs-him-on-and-he-has-fist-fight-that-lands-them-both-in-big-trouble-with-the-brass. The predictable "what am I going to do with you" talk with his superior officer ensues. We get the "you have so much talent/potential but..." speech. The ball gets rolling on the book being thrown at Lt. Hotdog.
As luck would have it, just as things seem hopeless for Lt. Hotdog, the main crisis of the movie happens. Only Lt. Hotdog can save the day now. Naturally, he has his moments of self-doubt but he rises to the occasion and shows his flying skills or out-of-the-box thinking are exactly what's needed to save the day. If the crisis of the movie features aliens as this one did, the aliens are usually some more evolved version of an animal on our world and their weakness follows conveniently the same pattern, a weakness that can be exploited at some pivotal point in the battle.
After Lt. Hotdog save the day, he wins the respect of his superiors and the heart of his love interest and everyone lives happily ever after.
This formulaic plot runs through its checklist hitting every single stereotype as it entertains the audience with such special effects as bombs that insert themselves into the ships before blowing up (for those who didn't already get that the movie was based on the game), evil flaming sentient tires tearing through military bases and naval ships, and enemy vessels that can fly but prefer to skip along the ocean so as to tip off Lt. Hotdog's rival where the bad guys are so they can be fired upon.
So there you have it. Next time, I'm listening to my better judgment. Just had to rant as I often do after seeing a train wreck in the theater.
Atheist Forums Hall of Shame:
"The trinity can be equated to having your cake and eating it too."
... -Lucent, trying to defend the Trinity concept
"(Yahweh's) actions are good because (Yahweh) is the ultimate standard of goodness. That’s not begging the question"
... -Statler Waldorf, Christian apologist
"The trinity can be equated to having your cake and eating it too."
... -Lucent, trying to defend the Trinity concept
"(Yahweh's) actions are good because (Yahweh) is the ultimate standard of goodness. That’s not begging the question"
... -Statler Waldorf, Christian apologist
![[Image: demotivational-poster-69665.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.motivationals.org%2Fdemotivational-posters-3%2Fdemotivational-poster-69665.jpg)
