What to do?

[Eilonnwy]

When I was a child I didn't really do to well in the friends department. I was sick a lot and as a result I severely lacked social skills. This was because I would be out of school a lot or sick and unable to go out. My mom also wouldn't let me join in after school activities because my asthma was so bad. If it wasn't for modern medicine, I most certainly would have died as a child.

I would often cry at night and ask god for friends. I felt so alone and so hated.

By the time I started high school I began doubting god. I lost all faith around age 16 when personal events made me realize that there was no god and the only person I could depend on was myself. Once I began to accept myself and know that the only one who could help me was me I began to to have more positive experiences with people. I have developed many friendships over the years.

Essentially, when I stopped asking god for friends and started to be myself and reach out to people that way I built many friendships. This past March I had a birthday party attended by about 50 friends, and that probably represented half of my friends. Many were out of state and couldn't attend. I definitely have a close circle of about 10 people who I could trust with anything and then I have many social friends.

Am I saying you need to deny god to have friends? No. I have many friends who are religious and others who are not. Losing faith in god only made me realize I have to do rely on myself...and my friends and family. I don't go to god to feel loved, I turn to a friend and it has had profound meaning for me. I value my close friends as if they were family.

I guess what I am getting at is you need to befriend people based on who they are, not on what they worship, whether you are an atheist or not.

[DunnoAnymore]

I guess what I am getting at is you need to befriend people based on who they are, not on what they worship, whether you are an atheist or not.

Actually, this was my first group of "Christian" friends. All my friends before that were either non-religious, atheists, or on the borderline of religious. I really don't care about whether someone worships a God or not.

[Dotard]

This is far from the first time I've been ostracized by a whole group of people.

If this is a repeating thing have you looked inward?

I just want to not have to feel this kind of pain ever again.

Then stop giving a damn about what other people think. Do your own thing, be yourself. Don't go 'looking' for a group. Just do your own thing. Like-minded people tend to be drawn together whether it be churchy-church people, fatty-fat fat fat fatty-fat people, model airplane builders, whatever.

If you don't agree with each other on sensitive topics (religion/politics) then don't talk about that stuff, build airplanes or eat pies.

Jez, it's late and I'm tired. Did any of that make sense?

[DunnoAnymore]

I have looked inward, and, in the last two circumstances of lost friendships, I've realized the mistakes I made on my part. The friendships prior to the last two were lost more due to popularity (or lack thereof) on my part.

Actually, I didn't go out looking for a group. I found I had like interests with this particular person and they are the one who introduced me to the group; this was completely unexpected on my part.

Yes, what you said makes sense I think. You are saying to seek out like-minded people, and in this case, I found a like-minded person, but even that fell through, so I'm pretty much done with this whole crazy friendship caboose.

[Overmars]

Fuck 'em.


Far as that last statement, "..there is no one I feel I can trust as a friend...", a lesson learned from my grampa that consists of only two words and has worked for me for a lifetime so far is...

Trust No One.

Agreed.

[fr0d0]

What did you do?? They must have reason to be so erm.. idiotic :p. People are people, they make mistakes. Even groups of people. You can't judge the aim to be like Christ by it's imperfect followers.

[Pippy]

Hey Dunno,

It is unfortunate in the greatest that you were treated poorly and were hurt by it. It is up to you, but instead of dealing with being treated poorly in those situations, I personally dealt with being hurt by it. At least to myself, the assurance that most everyone around me is an idiot leads me to not place much value on their opinions and actions. Some people will always try to treat you badly, and the effort to change too appease them seems impossible and dishonest to me.

I would also try to echo Frodo's point. I don't let the actions or integrity of followers of faiths taint the actual reason for faith. A lot of younger people in 'christian groups' may actually not be very good people (yet?). It could well be, though, that they are poor representatives for the standards and responsibilities of their belief system. I see a pretty even spattering of idiocy in most every belief system I have known, certainly not exlcuding the atheist/agnostic crowd. It seems as a human condition.

In short how the people you knew acted has very, very, very little to do with god. Make sure the horse is in front of the cart.

Hopefully you are able to use your negative experience to grow stronger. We're all just making lemonade here. Thank you for listening.

"I don't trust cats",
-Pip

[Coolmogo]

Did you tell your christian friends you don't believe in God or something?

[meowmeow]

I don’t know if this will help but it’s the story of a friend of mine.

In my country there aren’t a lot of religious groups, people are mostly un-practicing Christians go to church twice a year because of the tradition… but this fiend was born in a fundamental Christian family with a lot of other issues and when he started to doubt his faith at 18 they threw him out! He had to work to pay himself for his studies… he rejected all of his beliefs, went through a difficult period of not knowing what to think of anything and years of therapy. But all ended well, he’s now one of the most sensible characters I know, he married a friend of mine and I’m the atheist godmother of their first child!
When he was a Christian he had a group of friends I called “trendy Christians” because they went to college, wore trendy clothes, were sometimes funny… But how can you be friends with someone who believes he is “saved” and without a doubt “on the right path” (they were really pretty fundamental) and that these facts justify all of their actions? They were always in the winning team! (just for an example a trendy Christian girl-fiend of his told, at a party, to his future wife (who had just met him for the first time then) that he was gay and that she should forget about him, out of pure spite and jealousy…).
These people are not able to respect you when you disagree with them! Stay away for them!

Behave like you don’t do to others what you don’t want done to yourself and this will be the kind of people you’ll meet and befriend!

Ok that was cheesy but the sun is shinning over here…

[DunnoAnymore]

What did you do?? They must have reason to be so erm.. idiotic :p. People are people, they make mistakes. Even groups of people. You can't judge the aim to be like Christ by it's imperfect followers.

Frodo, I don't feel it's necessary to launch into specifics as that would be too personal, but I will admit I made some mistakes in my friendship with this particular person. However, those mistakes didn't bleed over into my other relationships with members of the group, nor did they warrant being isolated and given the cold shoulder by every member of the group. Although I see your point about not letting the actions of humans dictate my faith, it's very difficult for me to reconcile these individuals' actions with the religion of Christianity, God not included.

MeowMeow, thanks for your input. Although, these people weren't the "trendy Christian" type, just the "don't expect to hear from me anyplace but meetings" type.

Coolmogo, not in those words; I expressed skepticism to one or two people, but according to the youth pastor anyway, doubt is normal.

Pippy, I definitely agree with you that the effort to try to appease people is useless; I've done all I can for the last three months to try to change to meet these people's standards and nothing is ever good enough.