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**Cinjin** · January 26, 2013 at 6:31 am

Recently my fundamentalist nitwit father told me that 'ole jesus was coming back real soon.

I asked him (for my own amusement) when he thought jesus was coming back. He answered that "no man knoweth the hour" but that he strongly feels that Jesus will come back in my lifetime. Mind you, I recalled him saying once that Jesus would come back in HIS lifetime, but I think even my idiot father has figured out that he's 66 years old and it's time to hedge his bets. As we all know jesus has been taking his sweet fucking time.

My question for our local theists is:
Do you or the pastor you slave under think that jesus is coming back within the next 40 years? Sooner?

I'm not asking for evidence of this theory of yours but if you have any I'm sure we'd all be amused to hear it.
I've heard other preachers make this claim as well. That "I firmly believe that jesus will be returning in my lifetime."

I have an additional question as well about the return of the missing godboy:
If he does come back in the manner the bible declares, will he literally be just hovering above the ground in Jerusalem or ...?

The idea of the rapture has always intrigued me since it is not directly in the bible and the return of jesus can be interpreted many ways.
Last question: Will we heathens be able to see the godboy or is that an exclusive deal as well and only for the elite kids?

downbeatplumb · January 26, 2013 at 6:34 am

Theists have been expecting him soon for about 2000 years.

**Cinjin** · (This post was last modified: January 26, 2013 at 6:50 am by Cinjin.)

Oops, nevermind. He's already here. Undecided

The "New Jesus" Wrote:...those expecting the second coming of christ on a cloud with angels have misinterpreted what jesus himself said ...

~~Something completely different~~ · January 26, 2013 at 6:55 am

I didn`t read the bible, but dind`t Jesus promise to be back within 1 or 2 generations of him leaving?

So like between the years 100 - 150.
Of course we have to remember that back then life expectancy was not as today so maybe between 50 - 80?

Maybe the rapture simply happened back then already and those who were left simply didn`t care back then.

**Cinjin** · (This post was last modified: January 26, 2013 at 6:58 am by Cinjin.)

(January 26, 2013 at 6:55 am)The_Germans_are_coming Wrote: Maybe the rapture simply happened back then already and those who were left simply didn`t care back then.

hmmm, an interesting take.

So maybe he came back, collected up a few dozen people (maybe just those that were within range), and the rest of us have just kind of been on auto-pilot ever since??

Thinking

~~fr0d0~~ · (This post was last modified: January 26, 2013 at 7:44 am by fr0d0.)

(January 26, 2013 at 6:55 am)The_Germans_are_coming Wrote: I didn`t read the bible, but dind`t Jesus promise to be back within 1 or 2 generations of him leaving?

He came back straight away, and is with us now. But that isn't the 2nd coming. As time marches on the probability increases. As I understand the Bible assumes this reality to be time limited.

The end of time will be like Terry Pratchett says. There will be a 'pop', as the last lost sock disappears. Or something like that Smile

**Cinjin** · January 26, 2013 at 8:42 am

(January 26, 2013 at 7:42 am)fr0d0 Wrote:
(January 26, 2013 at 6:55 am)The_Germans_are_coming Wrote: I didn`t read the bible, but dind`t Jesus promise to be back within 1 or 2 generations of him leaving?
He came back straight away, and is with us now.

Can you get me his address? Cause we could really clear up a lot of confusion for a lot of people right now.

Quote:But that isn't the 2nd coming. As time marches on the probability increases. As I understand the Bible assumes this reality to be time limited.

If he's already here now, how is he going to come back to already being here??? And if he manages some how to come back to a place that he is somehow already at ... by my count that makes it the third coming, not the second.

To compound these oddities you bring to light - Didn't he say that he goes somewhere to prepare a place for you when he left the first time? Was he done that quick? I'm still confused how he came right back, but that trip doesn't count as a return???????

**Napoléon** · January 26, 2013 at 10:02 am

(January 26, 2013 at 7:42 am)fr0d0 Wrote: He came back straight away, and is with us now. But that isn't the 2nd coming. As time marches on the probability increases. As I understand the Bible assumes this reality to be time limited.

The end of time will be like Terry Pratchett says. There will be a 'pop', as the last lost sock disappears. Or something like that

Sometimes I find you totally rational fr0d0. Others, I think you're out of your frickin' mind.

~~fr0d0~~ · January 26, 2013 at 10:37 am

Meh

I'm gonna fall back on some more Terry Pratchet

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”

― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

**DeistPaladin** · January 26, 2013 at 10:44 am

(January 26, 2013 at 8:42 am)Cinjin Wrote: Can you get me his address? Cause we could really clear up a lot of confusion for a lot of people right now.

In the next scene, Jesus comes out of his house and, confused, asks the crowd, "Um, can I help you?"

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Poll: Do you think Jesus Christ will return from wherever in your lifetime? This poll is closed.
I think it is very likely.	11.76%	4	11.76%
Even if he doesn't, it'll probably be sooner than later.	2.94%	1	2.94%
I think it'll probably be quite a while yet. There's still a lot of souls worth saving here.	11.76%	4	11.76%
Many christians believe christ will return soon. I just hope I'm on the list.	2.94%	1	2.94%
Jesus is a fictional character ... and Santa Clause never brought you presents fucktard!	67.65%	23	67.65%
He's already here!	2.94%	1	2.94%
Total		34 vote(s)	100%