Read the bible backwards - it's epic!
September 18, 2013 at 12:43 pm
(This post was last modified: September 18, 2013 at 12:46 pm by Cyberman.)
Here's a few highlights:
Jesus
God decides he wants a son, so he sends him to Earth, cut and bruised, where some blokes nail his corpse to a cross to recover. Luckily for Jesus though, some kind and helpful Romans are around to help him get down, remove the crown of thorns from his head and clean up his cuts and bruises.
Jesus soon develops a reputation for being a bit of a bastard. At one point, he walks up to this guy minding his own business and deliberately makes him blind. Another time he goes up to some random bloke just happily strolling along and cripples him.
Jesus comes across a huge open-air picnic where thousands of people are having a lovely feast of fish sandwiches, more than enough to go around. Being the twat that he's become, Jesus steals all the food and replaces it with fuck all.
By this time feeling very smug, he develops a case of Anageria, which inevitably makes him smaller. On his birthday, as he lies there on his death bed in some little manger, with his parents apparently happy to see him go, three blokes on camels turn up unannounced and nick all his presents.
Moses
Now a man named Moses decides to round up a multitude of kind and happy Jews and tells them he wants to take them on a journey. They all leave their Promised Land of Milk and Honey and set out across the burning desert, where they spend the next forty years wandering around. They eventually reach Egypt, where Moses makes a deal with the local Pharaoh and sells his people into slavery.
Adam and Eve
A lovely couple called Adam and Eve, who seem to be made for each other, are very sad; so God decides to allow them to play in his garden. Adam all of a sudden regurgitates bits of an apple, followed by Eve.
God gets unaccountably angry and starts smashing things. He kills Eve, chops her up and shoves the bits into Adam's body. Shortly afterwards, he kills Adam, reduces him to dust and sprinkles him over the ground. Then, clearly on a psychotic rampage, he wipes out all life on Earth, then vaporises the Earth itself. Over the course of the next few days, God destroys the Universe.
Jesus
God decides he wants a son, so he sends him to Earth, cut and bruised, where some blokes nail his corpse to a cross to recover. Luckily for Jesus though, some kind and helpful Romans are around to help him get down, remove the crown of thorns from his head and clean up his cuts and bruises.
Jesus soon develops a reputation for being a bit of a bastard. At one point, he walks up to this guy minding his own business and deliberately makes him blind. Another time he goes up to some random bloke just happily strolling along and cripples him.
Jesus comes across a huge open-air picnic where thousands of people are having a lovely feast of fish sandwiches, more than enough to go around. Being the twat that he's become, Jesus steals all the food and replaces it with fuck all.
By this time feeling very smug, he develops a case of Anageria, which inevitably makes him smaller. On his birthday, as he lies there on his death bed in some little manger, with his parents apparently happy to see him go, three blokes on camels turn up unannounced and nick all his presents.
Moses
Now a man named Moses decides to round up a multitude of kind and happy Jews and tells them he wants to take them on a journey. They all leave their Promised Land of Milk and Honey and set out across the burning desert, where they spend the next forty years wandering around. They eventually reach Egypt, where Moses makes a deal with the local Pharaoh and sells his people into slavery.
Adam and Eve
A lovely couple called Adam and Eve, who seem to be made for each other, are very sad; so God decides to allow them to play in his garden. Adam all of a sudden regurgitates bits of an apple, followed by Eve.
God gets unaccountably angry and starts smashing things. He kills Eve, chops her up and shoves the bits into Adam's body. Shortly afterwards, he kills Adam, reduces him to dust and sprinkles him over the ground. Then, clearly on a psychotic rampage, he wipes out all life on Earth, then vaporises the Earth itself. Over the course of the next few days, God destroys the Universe.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
