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What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 1:35 pm
Hi, here's my problem.
I'm an antheist and i recently told it to my parents. They understood it after some time. But I have a younger brother that goes to church every Sunday.
My parents think that if I'll stop going to church my brother will also stop without thinking why. (like " i don't want to go to church because my brother doesn't have to). I'd like him to find his way of thinking by himself . Although I he's still too young to think of it.
So my question is what should I do? Should I tell him the truth ?
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 1:38 pm
Moved thread from Questions, Problems, Suggestions, and Feedback to Atheism.
When I was young, there was a god with infinite power protecting me. Is there anyone else who felt that way? And was sure about it? but the first time I fell in love, I was thrown down - or maybe I broke free - and I bade farewell to God and became human. Now I don't have God's protection, and I walk on the ground without wings, but I don't regret this hardship. I want to live as a person. -Arina Tanemura
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 2:13 pm
The decision of how to raise your brother properly belongs to your parents, imo. And your duty is to support them in their decisions. If you can find it at all agreeable to your conscience, I'd suggest you continue to assist your parents in raising your brother in the manner they have chosen, provided it doesn't violate your conscience. Your parents' emphasis on your brother understanding is an important point, and underscores the need to respect the limitations on his understanding, as well as pointing out that the goal in raising your brother is his understanding of his world and himself. It might be argued that being incompletely honest about your feelings toward church for his benefit may not be the best way toward that goal, but that decision is out of your hands. I suggest you be as honest as you can be with him while respecting your parents wishes, and defer more substantial discussions of religion with your brother until you are older, and until he is sufficiently mature to understand the reasoning behind your actions, not just the surface.
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 2:29 pm
(This post was last modified: January 19, 2014 at 2:34 pm by Kobyua.)
Thank you for exhaustive answer. Although I don't mean to have an influence to his beliefs. I want to let parents rise him as they wish. But they want to avoid the situation that i described earlier. So they expect me to go with them to church anyway. That's a little uncomfortable for me though. (Btw. I'm 16, he's 12).
(January 19, 2014 at 2:13 pm)rasetsu Wrote:
The decision of how to raise your brother properly belongs to your parents, imo. And your duty is to support them in their decisions. If you can find it at all agreeable to your conscience, I'd suggest you continue to assist your parents in raising your brother in the manner they have chosen, provided it doesn't violate your conscience. Your parents' emphasis on your brother understanding is an important point, and underscores the need to respect the limitations on his understanding, as well as pointing out that the goal in raising your brother is his understanding of his world and himself. It might be argued that being incompletely honest about your feelings toward church for his benefit may not be the best way toward that goal, but that decision is out of your hands. I suggest you be as honest as you can be with him while respecting your parents wishes, and defer more substantial discussions of religion with your brother until you are older, and until he is sufficiently mature to understand the reasoning behind your actions, not just the surface.
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 2:36 pm
(January 19, 2014 at 1:35 pm)Kobyua Wrote: Hi, here's my problem.
I'm an antheist and i recently told it to my parents. They understood it after some time. But I have a younger brother that goes to church every Sunday.
My parents think that if I'll stop going to church my brother will also stop without thinking why. (like " i don't want to go to church because my brother doesn't have to). I'd like him to find his way of thinking by himself . Although I he's still too young to think of it.
So my question is what should I do? Should I tell him the truth ?
Even though my parents were very easy going about me becoming an atheist this was a concern for them too. We never went to church really, but I did stop going to Sunday school. And they were worried that he may follow suit when the time came. I told them that I would never interject with what they wanted to teach him, but I wouldn't lie to him either if he asked me what I believed. I kept to my word and just 6 months ago he got Confirmed. I never once told him that he shouldn't go, I just kept my mouth shut about it.
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 2:51 pm
Quote:So they expect me to go with them to church anyway.
That's a little too much to ask.
As for your brother.... they are not going to be able to protect him from reality forever. Your parents' motivations deserve a little scrutiny here. They seem very concerned with appearances.
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 3:15 pm
(January 19, 2014 at 2:51 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Quote:So they expect me to go with them to church anyway.
That's a little too much to ask.
As for your brother.... they are not going to be able to protect him from reality forever. Your parents' motivations deserve a little scrutiny here. They seem very concerned with appearances.
I guess you're right. I'll talk to them about that subject.
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 3:25 pm
(January 19, 2014 at 3:15 pm)Kobyua Wrote: (January 19, 2014 at 2:51 pm)Minimalist Wrote: (January 19, 2014 at 2:29 pm)Kobyua Wrote: So they expect me to go with them to church anyway.
That's a little too much to ask.
As for your brother.... they are not going to be able to protect him from reality forever. Your parents' motivations deserve a little scrutiny here. They seem very concerned with appearances.
I guess you're right. I'll talk to them about that subject.
Talking is good. Just keep talking it out with him and your parents. If you decide not to go because of your conscience, be sure to take time to explain to your brother why you have chosen to do what you are choosing to do. You might even suggest that as a compromise to your parents.
I have confidence that you'll work it out just fine.
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 3:44 pm
So, if you start going to church, he'll stop going to church.... he just won't know why. I dunno; is that really your goal?
I tell people, I don't care what they believe as long as they can carry on an intelligent conversation about their beliefs. If it were my situation, I would start asking him some of the tough questions about his church/religion/bible/beliefs in an effort to get him to think about those things. And as long as he's thinking about it, I don't care what he believes.
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"If you cling to something as the absolute truth and you are caught in it, when the truth comes in person to knock on your door you will refuse to let it in." ~ Siddhartha Gautama
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RE: What to do?
January 19, 2014 at 5:18 pm
Chill. I wouldn't tell him anything that would upset them, but you can encourage critical thinking in him, so when the times comes he is equipped to make intelligent judgments.
When my brother came out to my parents as an atheist, my parents requested that he not tell me, because I had "strayed from the path" and they were worried I'd be lost forever. Nobody told me shit. A year later I came out as agnostic to my brother and that's when he told me he was atheist. If the kid can think for himself, he'll get there. Chill.
(I'm agnostic-atheist now)
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
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"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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