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How to argue effectively
#1
How to argue effectively
Arguing on forums makes my typie fingers sore. I don't do it very often, but in person that is a different story.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I'm sure he will tell you I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these guidelines:

1.) Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.

If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date.

But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

2.) Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."

3.) Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin phrases and abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

4.) Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.

You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.


5.) Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I used to tell a lot of religious jokes. Not any more, I'm a registered sects offender.
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...the least christian thing a person can do is to become a christian. ~Chuck
---------------
NO MA'AM
[Image: attemptingtogiveadamnc.gif]
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#2
RE: How to argue effectively
Yes, I agree, makes perfect sense.
Best regards,
Leo van Miert
Horsepower is how hard you hit the wall --Torque is how far you take the wall with you
Pastafarian
Reply
#3
RE: How to argue effectively
(January 11, 2010 at 10:15 am)leo-rcc Wrote: Yes, I agree, makes perfect sense.
I disagree, you're begging the question.
- Meatball
Reply
#4
RE: How to argue effectively
(January 11, 2010 at 10:55 am)Meatball Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 10:15 am)leo-rcc Wrote: Yes, I agree, makes perfect sense.
I disagree, you're begging the question.

That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say.
Best regards,
Leo van Miert
Horsepower is how hard you hit the wall --Torque is how far you take the wall with you
Pastafarian
Reply
#5
RE: How to argue effectively
Lmao you are all a bunch of lunatics, but funny as hell!
There is nothing people will not maintain when they are slaves to superstition

http://chatpilot-godisamyth.blogspot.com/

Reply
#6
RE: How to argue effectively
Oh, why not...

(January 11, 2010 at 11:25 am)leo-rcc Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 10:55 am)Meatball Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 10:15 am)leo-rcc Wrote: Yes, I agree, makes perfect sense.
I disagree, you're begging the question.

That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say.

You're being defensive.
Reply
#7
RE: How to argue effectively
awesome Worship

*starts memorizing the whole thing*
[Image: pPQu8.png]
Reply
#8
RE: How to argue effectively
(January 11, 2010 at 12:44 pm)LukeMC Wrote: Oh, why not...

(January 11, 2010 at 11:25 am)leo-rcc Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 10:55 am)Meatball Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 10:15 am)leo-rcc Wrote: Yes, I agree, makes perfect sense.
I disagree, you're begging the question.

That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say.

You're being defensive.
What are your parameters?
Best regards,
Leo van Miert
Horsepower is how hard you hit the wall --Torque is how far you take the wall with you
Pastafarian
Reply
#9
RE: How to argue effectively
(January 11, 2010 at 2:29 pm)leo-rcc Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 12:44 pm)LukeMC Wrote: Oh, why not...

(January 11, 2010 at 11:25 am)leo-rcc Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 10:55 am)Meatball Wrote:
(January 11, 2010 at 10:15 am)leo-rcc Wrote: Yes, I agree, makes perfect sense.
I disagree, you're begging the question.

That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say.

You're being defensive.
What are your parameters?

YOU'RE ALL SO LINEAR!
Reply
#10
RE: How to argue effectively
Oh come on fr0d0, Professor Heindelberg proved in his 1978 paper "On the cylindrical nature of humans" that 98.56% of us are NOT LINEAR at all.

Let me put it this way, if X is the number of humans in the world, and Y is the linearity of Z (the weight ratio of hippos in the Amazon), then Q = 2^X + Y, with Y tending to negative infinity.

Q.E.D
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