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RE: joke time
April 7, 2022 at 9:54 am
Yesterday, I bought a bottle of Whiskey and was on my way home on my motorcycle. Suddenly a thought occured to me; What if my motorcycle crashes? What would I drink once I get home?
So I stoopped right then, and gulped the entire bottle down, sitting beside the road.
I’ll tell you, that was one of my smartest moves. I crashed 4 times before I reached home yesterday.
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RE: joke time
April 13, 2022 at 4:59 am
The last time I was out for a walk, I saw a woman talking to her dog, and the idiot was acting as if the dog actually understood her. When I got home, I told the cats about it.
We laughed and laughed.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
April 13, 2022 at 12:49 pm
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.”
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, “I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish.”
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, “Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that.”
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.
When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, “That’s the spirit dad. Pass those f**king potatoes!”
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RE: joke time
April 14, 2022 at 5:37 am
Why don't vegans moan during sex?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
April 14, 2022 at 9:23 am
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!”
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted “PRAISE THE LORD. GOD, I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE, LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!”
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD.”
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!”
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RE: joke time
April 14, 2022 at 10:53 am
(April 13, 2022 at 4:59 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: The last time I was out for a walk, I saw a woman talking to her dog, and the idiot was acting as if the dog actually understood her. When I got home, I told the cats about it.
We laughed and laughed.
Boru
psst - don't tell anyone but I have a deaf dog that I talk to all the time
I also have one that simply ignores me from time to time...the magic words are "Do you want a blueberry?" That's how I know he can really hear me.
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RE: joke time
April 15, 2022 at 9:28 am
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seems a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast-fed,” she replied.
“Strip down to your waist,” the Doctor said. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning her to get dressed, he said, “No wonder this baby is underweight, you don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.”
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RE: joke time
April 19, 2022 at 4:45 am
Me: Doc, I can't seem to stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass Of Home'.
Doctor: Hmm. I'll have to run some tests, but it sounds like it could be Tom Jones Syndrome.
Me: Is that a rare condition?
Doctor: Well, it's not unusual...
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
April 19, 2022 at 5:16 pm
(April 19, 2022 at 4:45 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Me: Doc, I can't seem to stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass Of Home'.
Doctor: Hmm. I'll have to run some tests, but it sounds like it could be Tom Jones Syndrome.
Me: Is that a rare condition?
Doctor: Well, it's not unusual...
Boru
Just STOP!
<not really>
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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RE: joke time
April 19, 2022 at 7:51 pm
An 8-year-old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take your kid to work Day’.
As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky.
Her father asked what was wrong.
As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”
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