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joke time
RE: joke time
Works better in person, but..

"What does every black joke start with?"

'looks both ways'
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RE: joke time
One of my favs:

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"

"A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?"

After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
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RE: joke time
A blonde is standing next to her Volkswagen beetle, on the side of the highway, crying terribly.

Another blonde, also in a beetle pulls up and asks, "Why are you crying?"

"My car broke down," says the first blond, but when I went to check the engine it was gone. Someone stole it!" She points to the raised hood.

"There, there. Luckily I have a spare engine in my trunk!" says the second blonde...

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
Bloke goes to the doctors and says" I keep thinking I'm a dog" the doctor says" take a seat I'll be with you in a moment" Bloke says" I can't I'm not allowed on the furniture".
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RE: joke time
I am a radical wasabi-ist, that shit is awesome on sushi!
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RE: joke time
What did the judge say to the dentist?

Judge: Pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
Quote:n these serious times, it is important for all of us of all faiths to recognize and accept these Universal Religious Truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooter's.
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RE: joke time
Two gay guys in a house on fire.
Who got out first, the bottom or the top?
The bottom, 'cause he already had his shit packed.
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RE: joke time
If there is a Euphrates why isn't there a Mephrates? If there is a Baghdad why isn't there a Baghmom?
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RE: joke time
One of the blondes from Val's joke is tooling round the countryside in her vintage Porsche when the engine coughs, sputters and dies.  She calls a local garage who have a mechanic there in short order.  After a minute or so of fiddling with the motor, he has her try it - the car starts immediately.

'Oh, thank you SO much!' says the blonde.  'How did you fix it so fast?'

'It was nothing much - just crap in the carburetor.'

'Oh, great.  How often do I have to do that?'

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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