joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I hate oversleeping.  There's always that moment of panic when you wake up and realize you're in the wrong lane.

Boru

[no one]

Don't you mean Frankenstein's monster, ignoramus?

[Cod]

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A farmer is working in his barn one day, when a police officer walks in and tells him, 'I'm here to inspect your farm to check for illegal growing of drugs.'

'All well and good,' says the farmer, 'but do us a favour and stay out of the field just west of the house.'

The cop explodes, whips out his badge, shoves it in the farmer's face and shouts, 'Do you see this badge? This makes me a representative of the law! It gives me the right to go anywhere on your farm and inspect whatever I want. The badge means there will be no questions asked and no answers given!  You WILL respect the badge!!'

The farmer apologizes and continues on with his chores in the barn.  A few minutes later, he hears terrified screaming, rushes outside and sees his prize bull chasing the cop across the field to the west of the house.

Dropping his pitchfork, the farmer shouts, 'Your badge! Show him your BADGE!!'

Boru

[Jackie]

I think an excellent Peloton Exercise bike ad could have an 350lb beer belly middle age man with a MAGA hat on try to get on it, then the video screen has a simulated "trainer", say "GET THE FUCK OFF ME, you're going to break me!!"

Guy, "You making fun of my weight?"

Bike, "No, just get the fuck away from me with that hat."

[Jackie]

Deep movie trailer announcer voice, "Alec Baldwin is the POTUS in, "Smocking Gun, 33& 1/3rd."

[Jackie]

POTUS, "You can't indict a sitting president".

Mueller, " Who ever said you was one?'

Extra credit, what movie am I spoofing?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I was at the gym recently and noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put two fingers in. Naturally, she filed a complaint.

Boru

[Jackie]

I was at the gym recently and noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put two fingers in. Naturally, she filed a complaint.

Boru

Rape whistle! 

[Jackie]

"Dirty Deeds, Done Cohen Cheap" My SPOOF by me Brian37 spoof of the famous AC/DC song.

If your having trouble with the FBI
Mueller's giving you the blues
You want to stay in office and avoid the FEDS
Here's what you got to do
Pick up the phone, I'm Micheal Cohen
Call me anytime
1 6 zero zero
Campaign finance is my crime

Dirty Deeds, done Cohen cheap
Dirty Deeds, done Cohen cheap
Dirty Deeds, done Cohen cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're done Cohen cheap
Dirty deeds and they're done Cohen cheap

You got a problem with porn stars 
No tower gave you a broken heart
Putin's interfering to give you a head start
That's when the investigation starts
Pick up the phone
I'm Micheal Cohen
Give The Enquirer a call
Come right in, I'll fix everything
Go and have a ball

Dirty Deeds, done Cohen cheap 
Dirty Deeds, done Cohen cheap
Dirty Deeds, done Cohen cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're done Cohen cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're done Cohen cheap