Secular Funeral

[Jenny A]

Sorry for your loss.

Sadly I haven't got any experience with secular funerals either, but your plan sounds great. Just be aware that the people attending are the unknown factor in all this. Naturally I don't know about your invitation list, but someone might feel compelled to smuggle god in.

One of the speakers may bring up god. That would be okay. What we're really trying to avoid is the invocation of god, sermon, and group prayer. If the funeral home's director sounds like to do anything like that, we'll do the opening and closing ourselves. I'd just rather not. I'm probably going to cry through my bit as is. And my brother is when of those guys who cries.

---

Sorry to hear that. My grandfather was an atheist, and when he died we threw a party (at his request). He said, and I quote, "Get drunk, dance, just don't fucking cry over me." So maybe throw a party/celebration of his life?

That sounds lovely, but Dad wasn't that sort of guy. Also the bulk of the people there are going to be either over 75 or under 17.

---

. My Dad died 7 years ago.
We had a nice get together in the Unitarian Universalist church where he had attended. Several speakers from his life and interests got up and said nice things without any mysticism at all. All that was followed by a dinner in a cafeteria where we children had set up some displays commemorating his achievements at work and otherwise.
Only us kids had attended his last moments in the assisted living facility. My sister the doctor and I were there at the last because our brother had stepped out just a minute, for what I don't remember. We did have a hospice person in earlier but none of us really needed their help and Dad wasn't really there. We were pretty firm that no clerics need attend. Dad wasn't anti-theist, but he never showed any indication of believing in anything other than reality. If anything, he was a full bore 200% humanist and very engaged in bettering humankind, particularly the downtrodden. Gave lots of $$$ to the Southern Poverty Law Center and Klanwatch. We're really proud that the government kept files on him.
No crying that I remember.
Death sucks, but fear of death sucks more.

I like the posters commemorating achievements idea. Dad would like that. He was proud of his career.

[abaris]

I'm probably going to cry through my bit as is. And my brother is when of those guys who cries.

I know, I couldn't have spoken at my dads nor my mums funeral.

[c172]

My biological father died in 1990. I was 14. We held the memorial service (my mother hated the word "funeral") at a Unitarian Universalist church. I actually was a UU at that time. Even though I left the UU church in 1998 over my sense of their politics, I still find many of them great people with good intentions and ideas.

Our UU pastor at First UU of San Diego presided. Some very old friends of my biofather showed, which was very neat. Several spoke, There was some sort of music. Other than that, my memories are very dim, but it was good.

The last funeral I went to was for another UU. One I barely knew. This was in rural NC at a funeral chapel. I found it a bit depressing, but there are nicer facilities. I think there was a somewhat freer invocation of the god concept at that one.

I'd rather mine be at a funeral chapel. I would want it known first and foremost that while I don't hate all religious people, I was an atheist, and that was the center of who I was. I would like the theme of atheism to permeate the ceremony, however I would also like my loved ones to speak freely.

I don't really know any atheist music, per se, but "Intervention" by a favorite band Arcade Fire, seems to allude to it ("working for the church while your family dies"). That song would be a nice closure to my funeral.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7UtxUlpEP0

[Mental Outlaw]

I'de say just take that day to remember him by doing whatever it was he liked to do. So if you dad enjoyed fishing then go fishing that day.

[DeadChannel]

That's rough, I'm sorry for your loss.

I've got an unhealthy Harold & Maude-eqsue obsession with planning my funeral. I want to hire a comedian, play funeral doom metal. Then I want to show up halfway through Huck Finn style.

[c172]

I really got into planning it for a while, and have had intricate procedures I have wanted to follow. But after a while, I got to realizing that when I die, I could be penniless and devoid of friends or family. 2 people might show up out of obligation, so why make them sit through a bunch of readings and, like, 5 songs. Simple suits me.

[Kitty Galore]

Jenny A, I am so sorry to hear of your father's passing. I think what you have planned so far is lovely.

[Jackalope]

Jenny - I never know what to say at these times. I'm sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and the ones you love.

[robvalue]

Very sorry to hear that Jenny. I'm afraid I have no experience to draw on in this area. I'm sure you will do just fine.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Sorry for your loss, Jenny. I was very close to my own da - when he died it send me into a tailspin.

Years gone I went to the funeral of a sister-in-law (ovarian cancer), and it was the closest I've ever seen to a secular funeral. No crucifixes, no Bibles, no Bible quotes. Lots of flowers, lots of candles, and people reminiscing about Beth. The only remotely spiritual comment I can recall was in the funeral announcement, which said that my sister-in-law '...rejoined the infinite'. Very moving service.

I hope you're coping well.

Boru