In knee deep

[KawaiiKoneko]

So, I have a facebook account. And I forgot that I sent an invite to an old friend of my mom's. She happens to be my old dance instructor for church events my friends and I would participate in back when we were children.

I recently joined a group on facebook called "I Am An Atheist" and she left a comment on my status saying: "Are you serious? This is not the Cristina I know!" to quote exactly. Which she even misspelled my name by forgetting the "h."

I was surprised to see this (it happened only a couple hours ago), and thought long and hard about what the best response (or whether lack thereof) would be.

I eventually ended up not replying and just deleting the notification on my page that allowed her and others to see that I had recently joined the group, even though I'm still a member and if you visit my page and look at what groups I'm in, you can still find me a member.

In short, I deleted the update without erasing my membership.

I don't want this to explode in my face and I'm wondering if I even did the right thing by deleting the update.
I want to keep my identity as an atheist hidden from anyone that can have contact with my family. But I know that means compromising myself and belittling myself by pretending to be something I'm not. Well, maybe not pretending. I don't say whether I am religious or not. But if my family already knows and challenge me on something (which my mom has been challenging me on little things here and there), if I keep silent, am I making not only myself but all other atheist look bad?

And if they don't know I don't want them to find out. And it's centered around so much deceit! I HATE it!

I hate not being able to have a family that can't accept me for who I am!

I know I'm really emotional right now, and I'll probably regret ever posting this thread. I know I'll hate myself later for sounding so weak and troubling others with my problems. But, I have to know.

How can I handle this situation better?

Did I take the appropriate actions when I found her comment?

[Tiberius]

Send her a private message saying you are an atheist and it's a personal decision you've come to after much consideration. Say you haven't told your parents yet but that you are planning to with time, when it feels right, and politely request that she respects your wishes by not mentioning it to your mother.

That way, if she doesn't tell your mum, you're ok. If she does, you can have a go at her for being a lousy Christian.

Update: 4000th post!!! WOOOOOO!

[KawaiiKoneko]

Send her a private message saying you are an atheist and it's a personal decision you've come to after much consideration. Say you haven't told your parents yet but that you are planning to with time, when it feels right, and politely request that she respects your wishes by not mentioning it to your mother.

That way, if she doesn't tell your mum, you're ok. If she does, you can have a go at her for being a lousy Christian.

Update: 4000th post!!! WOOOOOO!

Lol.

The only problem is that if she does tell my mom I'll have to deal with that. I'd rather just avoid the whole thing. But it seems impossible from where I'm at. :[

[Shinylight]

You should tell her you are an atheist and that she should respect your decision to not believe in an imaginary sky cretin, if she gets 'aggressive' then just ignore her words. If she tells your family then she has done something you should've done a long time ago. If your family do not respect your atheism straight away I'm sure they will eventually...if they don't after a very long time perhaps they don't deserve to be your family.

[Pippy]

Unfortunately we don't get to choose whether or not we deserve our families. Or that they deserve to be ours, or something...

I don't know what advice to give you, but of course be proud of who you are, and try not to burn bridges and step on toes unless absolutely necessary.

Thanks, Hope it all works out,
-Pip

[Dotard]

Stop fudging around in the closet.

Bust out. Announce it to all. Mother/brother/sister/aunts and uncles and your facebook old church dancing teacher.

It's gonna come out sooner or later. If you are waiting for the 'right time' I will contend that will never come. Tell them "Yea, I'm an Atheist, your a Christian and the world will keep on spinning. Some people are sexy and hot like me, some people are nasty and ugly. It's what makes the world go 'round."

Then let the chips fall where they may. It's gonna come sooner or later. I say sooner is better as you will feel some relief as it is not a 'dark' secret and you will not feel the need to 'hide' any longer.

[Shinylight]

Unfortunately we don't get to choose whether or not we deserve our families. Or that they deserve to be ours, or something...

No we don't, they do. If they don't act in a way that they should, like family, then they don't deserve to be family..simple as.

Family has nothing to do with 'BLOOD' or 'MARRIAGE', family is they way people treat you as a social unit, if they treat you badly then they don't deserve to be treated well themselves.

[KawaiiKoneko]

The problem with them finding out is the fact that I have so many other things going on and I don't need the extra drama. I don't mind telling people, but I want to wait until my parents die. :|

I have practically no one and a mansion sized closet of troubles. I don't want to "be loud, be proud!" when it could create even more drama than necessary. While I'm not ashamed of my non-theism, I AM deeply concerned over what may ensue after it comes out.

Because we do only get one life. I'm not going to fuck up a relationship with my family just because they don't see eye-to-eye with me. Besides, my sister already knows I don't believe in any gods. So assuming that she hasn't blabbed (which based on past experience, the odds are that she has already), at least she knows.

And no trouble yet from the church woman. I haven't contacted her at all, either. Maybe I might have overreacted a little bit? Assuming too much of the typical "concerned parent and christian" reaction?

[Minimalist]

"Are you serious? This is not the Cristina I know!"

Tell her, "Yes it is. I'm all grown up now."

These pompous shits need to be taken down a few pegs.

[Eilonnwy]

It's a tough thing. It troubles me when I hear of stories from people who think their parents will not love them anymore if they know. I have Catholic parents that don't think any less of me, but we're not all so lucky.

I agree with Adrian's advice as far as the church lady goes. But push comes to shove, I've heard stories of people getting outed by other people, and I think you may owe it your parents to tell them honestly. Ultimately, it is your decision. I don't know you or your parents personally, so it may be the best thing to keep it secret. That's entirely your discretion.

However, I think it hurts people deep inside to hide things from their parents or loved ones. Being an atheist is an intricate part of who a person and religion is a part of many people's lives. It can be difficult to go through the motions just to keep up the charade, and while there may be initial family drama, you might feel better afterwards not having to live a lie.

I know one person deals with their super religious parents to avoid arguments (mostly) is to tell them, "You believe in God, you pray to God, and you must believe he knows exactly what it would take to convince me that he exists. So pray to your God that I find him." If they believe they'll pray, and since prayer is useless, you get left alone. (Mostly...many religious people can't resist tossing the G word around for things that happened, etc... but you can shrug those off)