Posts: 34730
Threads: 200
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
145
Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 7:02 pm
So, as of July first, I have decided that I need to spend a year living Biblically.
This will involve, but is not limited to:
I will be keeping a slave but I will not beat him
I will not eat shellfish
I will not get a tattoo
I will not lie with a man as I do with other men (It will be known as Beccs' Year of Lesbianism)
I will not eat pig products
I will not associate with women when they are "unclean" (on their periods) - This could lead to a lot of time not talking to myself.
I will not teach men. My current intern will just have to put his career on hold for a year
I will take disobedient children to the edge of town and stone them to death (the cops have to accept my freedom of religion argument, right?)
I will stone to death anyone working on the Sabbath (See above)
Any other suggestions are welcome.
Dying to live, living to die.
Posts: 69248
Threads: 3759
Joined: August 2, 2009
Reputation:
259
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 7:04 pm
No mixed fabrics.
Posts: 380
Threads: 17
Joined: February 10, 2015
Reputation:
12
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 7:08 pm
(This post was last modified: June 23, 2015 at 7:09 pm by Metis.)
How about enslaving the foreigners crossing over the border?
Once Consuela's worked out you can enslave her children too, maybe even start a breeding program of slaves?
Oooooh! Also, if it's the year of lesbianism; do a Solomon and get yourself a harem of 800 concubines.
Posts: 34730
Threads: 200
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
145
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 7:15 pm
True. I guess I'll have to reduce my wardrobe by 95%
Dying to live, living to die.
Posts: 7140
Threads: 12
Joined: March 14, 2013
Reputation:
72
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 7:17 pm
(June 23, 2015 at 7:02 pm)Beccs Wrote: Any other suggestions are welcome.
If I pretend to be a virgin maiden, will you conquer my people and massacre my family?
"Well, evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts don't go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century, but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape- like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered."
-Stephen Jay Gould
Posts: 44017
Threads: 529
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 7:38 pm
To live Biblically (or at least Levitically), I promise not to do ANY of the following:
-I will not burn honey. Just try and make me.
-I will not drink alcohol in holy places. Not one.
-I will not eat a camel, a raven, or a monitor lizard. I promise.
-I will not have sex with my mother.
-I will not - absolutely NOT - attend church for the 66 days after I give birth to a girl.
-I will not give my children as a sacrifice to Molek.
-I will not abuse a blind person. I mean, I might make faces at one, but that's hardly abuse.
-I will not sell an Israelite as a slave. An Englishman, sure...
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 5706
Threads: 67
Joined: June 13, 2014
Reputation:
69
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 9:26 pm
None of it will do you a lick of good Beccs, unless you are one of god's chosen. It only works for those few who have a covenant with god. If you don't have a covenant god will order those who do to massacre you whether you wear mixed fibers or not. That's how the OT god works.
If there is a god, I want to believe that there is a god. If there is not a god, I want to believe that there is no god.
Posts: 34730
Threads: 200
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
145
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 9:38 pm
(June 23, 2015 at 9:26 pm)Jenny A Wrote: None of it will do you a lick of good Beccs, unless you are one of god's chosen. It only works for those few who have a covenant with god. If you don't have a covenant god will order those who do to massacre you whether you wear mixed fibers or not. That's how the OT god works.
Makes you wonder why they refer to Satan as the bad guy, doesn't it?
Dying to live, living to die.
Posts: 5706
Threads: 67
Joined: June 13, 2014
Reputation:
69
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 9:44 pm
(June 23, 2015 at 9:38 pm)Beccs Wrote: (June 23, 2015 at 9:26 pm)Jenny A Wrote: None of it will do you a lick of good Beccs, unless you are one of god's chosen. It only works for those few who have a covenant with god. If you don't have a covenant god will order those who do to massacre you whether you wear mixed fibers or not. That's how the OT god works.
Makes you wonder why they refer to Satan as the bad guy, doesn't it?
That's why I find the Gnostics so much fun. They thought the OT god was Satan and Jesus came to help us escape the horrid torture chamber the OT god had created. No evidence for it of course, but it makes a heck of a lot more sense than current christian teachings. Unfortunately escaping involves recognizing that you are a sort of soul god with no real physical being. And of course some poor unfortunate slobs really are all physical and therefore stuck here whether they become enlightened or not. But as an explanation for the existence of evil, it's head and shoulders above Christianity.
If there is a god, I want to believe that there is a god. If there is not a god, I want to believe that there is no god.
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: Living Biblically
June 23, 2015 at 10:05 pm
(June 23, 2015 at 7:02 pm)Beccs Wrote: I will not lie with a man as I do with other men (It will be known as Beccs' Year of Lesbianism)
Go on...
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
|
