Your friend tells you they're a paedophile

[Thumpalumpacus]

I wouldn't let them be unsupervised around my kid, but then again, why would you trust anybody alone and unsupervised with your kid.

I've trusted few folks with supervising my son. I think this is an unrealistic standard. No slumber parties? No babysitters? I sent my son to school, and he was certainly alone with adults in those twelve years. I had him in day-care at times, one day a week, due to my work schedule.

No, those aren't foolproof; I'm a good example of that myself, having been molested by a babysitter when I was a toddler. But a combination of due diligence -- i.e. background checks, Megan's Law searches online, and simple sniff-tests -- does much to address this point.

The point has been made in the other thread that prophylaxis is not a perfect defense, and that's true; it's a sure argument against my point here. But there are indeed people I trusted with my son, unsupervised, and others who I didn't. After a while, you get a sense of smell for people; you interact with them enough, before delegating responsibility to them, so that you build trust.

There were a certain few to whom I entrusted my child's well-being for a little time. They were vetted, both digitally and emotionally.

[Athene]

Yeah...things would change.

I'd remain his or her "friend", with the sole purpose of keeping a close eye on that motherfucker.
I'd inform anyone who needed informing, so they'd know to keep an close eye on that motherfucker, AND his or her hard drive.

Honest answer.

[GrandizerII]

1) D maybe C...
2) C
3) A
4) C, providing they're not going into any fantasy details so maybe B...

Exactly the same.

[chimp3]

I think a true friend would have asked your permission to drop such a burden in your lap. That statement should have come with a disclaimer. "Are you comfortable with me telling you something that might make you feel I could be a danger to your family and other families and then keeping my comment a secret?".

[Athene]

Thought crime?

When it comes to my family? Oh yes. I don't have any children of my own yet, but I have a nephew and little cousins. And I love them just as fiercely as if I'd borne them myself. I would indeed bring hell upon anyone who looked at them wrong.

If someone had the gall to actually tell me they were nursing fantasies about fucking or molesting my kids, it would it would take extraordinary amount of will, not to break every goddamned bone in their face. I'd presume they were "feeling me out" to see if I would somehow be amenable to it; which would be indicative of intent, as far as I'd be concerned.

Or perhaps a death wish.

[downbeatplumb]

It would change how I think about them and, if I had kids, they wouldn't be seeing my kids again without supervision.

I'd strongly encourage them to seek some kind of counselling or help with it. Whether or not I'd tell other people I don't know, depends on a lot of things; how likely I think they'd act on it and if they're surrounded by other friends who have kids.

This is almost word for word what I would have written. By "coming out" to you this is a cry for help surely. Alter how you see them around children accordingly but remember that that was a volunteered confession and that they need help not condemnation.

[paulpablo]

Let's pretend you have a friend, and you're a parent. You've known this friend a long time. You trust them, and you believe they are a good person.

One day they confide in you that they are a paedophile. They have sexual urges towards young children. They say they haven't ever acted on them, nor do they intend to, and you believe they are sincere. They just want your understanding and support, and they ask that you keep this confidential.

I haven't answered the main part of the question yet, but this is just about the problem I have with this section that leads up to the question.

I don't see why I believe they are sincere?  I didn't know them well enough to know this about them so why do I assume I know them well enough to know they'd never once intend to act out on their sexual desires?

[paulpablo]

When it comes to my family? Oh yes. I don't have any children of my own yet, but I have a nephew and little cousins. And I love them just as fiercely as if I'd borne them myself. I would indeed bring hell upon anyone who looked at them wrong.

If someone had the gall to actually tell me they were nursing fantasies about fucking or molesting my kids, it would it would take extraordinary amount of will, not to break every goddamned bone in their face. I'd presume they were "feeling me out" to see if I would somehow be amenable to it; which would be indicative of intent, as far as I'd be concerned.

Or perhaps a death wish.

pretty good point I hadn't even thought about.

If my friend did come to me telling me this my first thoughts would be about the motivation.

Anyway what I'd do is definitely never let them have contact or sight with my child, tell the mother of my child and her sisters and anyone else who might be looking after her to watch out for this guy.

My friend I'm thinking of has kids, so I'd tell his girlfriend too.

As for support I don't know what support I could give.  If I could I would, and I'd try not to be violent with this person and encourage everyone else against violence, but I don't think I can help change someone's sexual desires, I'm sceptical about whether any type of professional in any field can help with this sort of thing.

[robvalue]

Well, broken quill said she'd ask them if they'd been having thoughts. That's rather different than them just blurting it out unprompted.

I said you believe the person doesn't intend to act on their desires, because you believe they are a good person. I'm not saying they never would, just that you believe they are levelling with you.

The interesting situation is when someone you have already trusted with your kids, and are confident has not harmed them in any way, tells you. Obviously with things as they are, this scenario is even less likely than the OP.

[pocaracas]

This is messed up, Rob...
Where does this idea come from?

As for the challenge itself... I don't know how I'd react... most likely, I'd distance myself from that person and encourage anyone I know who may have contact with him/her to follow my lead.
At the time of that friend's confiding, I'd probably advise seeking professional help to tame such desires, as they are one big ticket to jail. And then... bye bye!