How would you react to finding out you were making out with a transsexual?

[EgoDeath]

If someone isn't attracted to penises, obviously it will matter.

That's partially true but also there's some important information that's kinda misleading.

First, I've been on estrogen and testosterone blockers for over a decade now.  Yes, I still have a penis but it's not exactly going to work like a regular old dude's penis would work.  It's smaller, softer, it even smells like pussy.  And even when/if I reach orgasm, it never squirts anymore.

Second, even though I have a penis, part of the reason I don't like to come out is that I just don't like using it.  I want it to be ignored.  Even if they're into it, I wouldn't want my partner to suck it or touch it and I certainly wouldn't dream of topping him with it.  Hell, I don't know if I could top a guy if I wanted to anymore.

Regardless of whether you like using it, you have a penis. And if someone isn't attracted to penises it will definitely matter.

I don't know though, I think many more men are bisexual than would ever admit it. Men tend to be very insecure about their sexuality.

[downbeatplumb]

So, I had fun little experience this last weekend.

Back story:  I was dating Lee since 2011 but we recently split up.  He didn’t seem to have any kind of sex drive towards the end and I do.  This left me VERY frustrated.  Now that I’m single and I have my own apartment, I want to have a little fun.

I found a local club that hosts a sex party on Saturday nights.  There were a few people in a secular group talking about it and since I would know a few people there, I figured I would give it a try.  

It was a very fun, new experience for me.  I had a few drinks, loosened up and started making out with some guy.  We were all lips and tongue and strong manly arms holding onto me.  

So, I mentioned transsexual, right?  Yeah, I’m trans.  I don’t like to make a big deal out of it, especially irl (makes life much easier when you live in super conservative Oklahoma).  So I didn’t really come out at the club.  I was making out with the guy, having fun, but I never told him I’m trans.  If his hands started to go to a certain, unwanted part of my body, I started pulling away, so he just left himself going to other places.  Then he whispered in my ear that he wanted to do something that I couldn’t really do yet; not until after I have surgery, anyway.

In my defense, I’m not used to having to come out to people and I’m really not used to coming out to someone who has their tongue shoved down my throat.  Last time I was single, I looked like Eddie Izzard.  Even now, I constantly see myself as some big, ugly m, hairy man-thing.  The idea that someone couldn’t tell I’m trans just by looking at me still doesn’t register.  

He wasn’t really into it, but he wasn’t hostile to me, either.  I guess I was lucky, but I feel a bit safer in kink communities where sexual differences aren’t looked down on.  I still get a bit nervous about what other guys would say or do upon finding out I’m trans; I mean guys who aren’t in sex clubs or stuff like that.

How do you think you’d react to finding out you had been making out with a transsexual?

I have no idea how I'd react. 
Pretty sure my wife would have something to say on the matter though.

[Angrboda]

Even that seems a bridge too far, the girl I was feeling up certainly wasn't molesting me either...but it's just my opinion.

Would it matter to the law if she had or had not told you she was of legal age? I think it would, though primarily in terms of providing mitigation of a charge of rape against you. I haven't looked at the statutes, but I'm pretty sure that consent has to be materially and relevantly informed in order to be consent. If a person is misrepresenting a relevant material fact about themselves, which they arguably are doing in this case, that sounds like a pretty good argument that your right to consent has been violated.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

How do you think you’d react to finding out you had been making out with a transsexual?

Depends - is he a good kisser?

Boru

[no one]

I don't know, everyone tastes the same.

[EgoDeath]

I don't know, everyone tastes the same.

Nonsense. Ever make out with a cigarette smoker? Disgusting.

[TaraJo]

I don't know, everyone tastes the same.

Nonsense. Ever make out with a cigarette smoker? Disgusting.

Ugh.  Been there, done that.  My ex wife actually picked up smoking after we split up; if she had started while we were together, we would have split up that much faster.

Anyway, I'm still looking at hooking up with other guys.  This time it's guys I'm meeting on fetlife.  I feel a bit more comfortable since they'll already have access to nude pics of me, so it's not like they're going to be surprised by my genitals.  I just hope I don't get a bunch of guys who want me to use it.  Just the thought makes me shudder.

[EgoDeath]

Nonsense. Ever make out with a cigarette smoker? Disgusting.

Ugh.  Been there, done that.  My ex wife actually picked up smoking after we split up; if she had started while we were together, we would have split up that much faster.

Anyway, I'm still looking at hooking up with other guys.  This time it's guys I'm meeting on fetlife.  I feel a bit more comfortable since they'll already have access to nude pics of me, so it's not like they're going to be surprised by my genitals.  I just hope I don't get a bunch of guys who want me to use it.  Just the thought makes me shudder.

I think that's probably a good route for you. Seems to make you more comfortable and the guys you're getting involved with will be in the know. Good luck to you and be safe, please.

[I_am_not_mafia]

I would advise telling a man before you sleep with him if you are pre-op, preferably before engaging in other forms of sexual activity. You don't need to justify or apologise for your existence despite what the right wing claim. I don't know about America where the conservatives are fighting back, but men can be surprisingly open minded, more than you might first expect if all you know of them is violence.

If you are post-op, he doesn't realise and you're not starting a relationship then it's not a problem as he does not need to know. After all, would you give him the rest of your medical history before having sex?

[Yonadav]

I would advise telling a man before you sleep with him if you are pre-op, preferably before engaging in other forms of sexual activity. You don't need to justify or apologise for your existence despite what the right wing claim. I don't know about America where the conservatives are fighting back, but men can be surprisingly open minded, more than you might first expect if all you know of them is violence.

If you are post-op, he doesn't realise and you're not starting a relationship then it's not a problem as he does not need to know. After all, would you give him the rest of your medical history before having sex?

I don't think that you can invoke confidentiality of medical history between people who are considering getting intimate. There are things about a person's medical history that are absolutely a prospective intimate partner's business.

At the end of the day, there are many, many men who would not knowingly consent to intimate relations with a woman who used to be a man. Since they would not knowingly consent, then it very, very clearly falls within the category of date rape.