Married to a Christian

[Ashendant]

Well don't force your "beliefs" on him and don't let him enforce his, go to church once in a while if it pleases him(you have to learn to concede somewhere), since you already stated that he does it rarely.

That's the only tips i can give

[Galileo]

So it's a passionless marriage?

not exactly....I certainly wouldn't say we have absolutely no passion in our relationship whatsoever, but I certainly wouldn't say we have it continually. I'm the sort of girl who needs her space a lot of the time. I'm not the super-cuddly sort either. I can be, but it doesn't happen all the time, and he's the same.

Divorce him.

don't think I haven't considered it, but I want that to be the absolute last resort. I do love him. a lot. he just infuriates me.

Well don't force your "beliefs" on him and don't let him enforce his, go to church once in a while if it pleases him(you have to learn to concede somewhere), since you already stated that he does it rarely.

I just can't do that. firstly, it's all in sSwiss German which I don't understand, and secondly because it just feel so deeply wrong to me. I'll go to church for things like funerals, weddings [that aren't mine] etc, because I know it's not about me and my beliefs, it's about others, and theirs. so that seems ok to me....but I shouldn't have to go to church to make my husband happy. he should just be happy with me the way I am. he asked me to marry him, and this is what he's got.

[ElDinero]

To be totally honest, I don't have a great deal of sympathy with people who rush relationships and marriages in this way and then find out that real life isn't a fairytale. I'm with Cinjin in expressing complete disbelief that you could get that far and not have spoken about this kind of thing. It's important. It gives the impression that your relationship is one of zero communication, and with that in mind it's hardly surprising you're having problems. If it wasn't this, it would be something else because you've clearly not taken the time to get to know each other.

[tackattack]

I appreciate and applaud the fact you consider divorce a last resort. My wife and I infuriate the begesus out of each other and we believe the same thing. In a mairrage , I think it happens. Whether it's over idiosyncrasies, beliefs over kids, parenting, in-laws or deeper personal beliefs, your willingness to work on it together is admirable.

My advice would be to work on building mutual respect and admiration in other areas, deepening the trust and love you already share. Then you can set up argument rules about heated topics like religion, like cool off time and safe words. Then I suggest you definately talk out your beliefs so each of you understands where each is coming from and what you guys plan to do in the future (including kids, funerals, etc.). Bottom line, belief should not be a deal breaker, unless it means your life plans are incompatible down the road. That kind of stuff should only be discussed with a deep trust and weathered love, IMO.

[Erinome]

gosh you guys are just mean ol' atheists lol

Crotchety and strident.

[Anymouse]

On the matter of atheist t-shirts, my avatar is from one. (I own the t-shirt.) For some reason it even offends teachers around here (except my brother-in-law in Texas. We sent him one that has Pb-->Au and he absolutely loves it. Wears it frequently to school when he can.

[5thHorseman]

The best way to get a man to shut the fuck up about anything is to just sit on his face.

Yeh, i tried that and was unsuccessful.

[Blam!]

Buy some atheist T-shirts

Here's a selection --

I have cool one -

is anyone here an atheist married to someone who practices a religion actively?

I am unmarried and widowed, but I'd like to spare my thoughts with you.

how on earth do you deal with it?

Adapt the environment and survive [figure of speech]. You could discreetly test your husband to see how tolerant is he to Atheism. Till you are comfort to declare your atheism.

-Watch the show of Atheist Vs. Creationist debate with your husband or the movie: The history of the world part 1 [1981 film]
-Or walking with your husband through the streets where hateful Christians, preaching priests and people with the posters with message: "Repent! Or burn in hell!" are commonly seen.
-Or find the movie with the story of romance love [or forbidden love] between man and woman, yet their families' difference of religion ripped lovers apart. The story of Romeo and Juliet, for example. Afterwards, You can ask him randomly, subtle question: which do your husband value more, religion or love?

It did however ask me my religion on the form, and I had the interpreter put down Atheist, but my husband must not have been listening or something.

Are you unsure [or certain] of your husband did not listened? If unsure, there's possibility your husband knew.

My husband just assumed I believed in god, something that I find annoying in itself.

If husband knew you are an atheist, then he probably assumed you as "lost soul" needs the guide.

since then we have had any number of arguments over all kinds of things...and it's wearing me out, I can tell you.

What is the kind of arguments you had with your husband?

I don't know your husband, but I can say this one:
Soon or later, your husband will inevitably learn the fact that you are atheist. If he is being disrespectful and being intolerant towards you. You can tell your husband if he won't adapt, be tolerant, be respectful for your love, divorce him. It's obvious that husband value his religion more than love.

[5thHorseman]

'pretty seriously. all his children from his first marriage are confirmed etc'

That's standard in Catholicism even if they are lapsed.

'and while he doesn't go to church every week, he does attempt to go once a month or so.'

So he's a part time catholic.

He is also embarrassed about the fact that I have 'no religion' as he puts it. he often urges me not to tell his friends etc.'

Sorry, but he's a dickhead if he says that, selfish dick who only cares about his feelings, how pathetic.

And he's embarrassed that you have no religion? You might want to remind him of the NO proof of got other then the insane writings of arab goat herders, constant Catholic cover ups of paedophilia, the Pope telling Africans that condoms cause aids. I'd go on if i wasn't in a rush.

Who should be ashamed? I think you need to put the boot down and let him know his beliefs are fucking stupid and most of all EMBARRASSING!

[Heather]

My father in law is Catholic and my mother in law is, well, we don't really know but thanks to people on this site, they say she believes in "new religion." For years, she appeased him and went to mass with him. But she finally had enough and now he goes by himself. That works for them. Her husband is grown up enough to realize they have to agree to disagree. For their everyday lives, their differing beliefs are not an issue as there are many more important aspects to a marriage besides if you believe in sky daddy or not (i.e, how you handle finances, your children, how you treat each other, sex life, etc...).

I would have a long talk with him and tell him that you will not try to impose your atheism on him if he agrees to not impose his Christianity on you. He can go to church by himself.