Bringing Dr. Laura to Task

[Cinjin]

This is an email forwarded to me. I found it somewhat amusing. Perhaps you will too.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura,

Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.



1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness -Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan, James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

[downbeatplumb]

Where can i get a canadian?






Thinking about it canada would be a the place to look.

[5thHorseman]

bahahahhahaha awesome.

[Anomalocaris]

In answer to Dr James M Kauffman:

Canadian slaves do not willingly resign themselves to their religious duty to be slaves to good American christians, and are further spoiled in their youth by socialist medicine. Consequently they may become tart and disobedient if their masters do not take upon themselves the unreasonably burden of paying for slave's medicine, or give them scraps from the christmas table. In fact, some Canadians are likely to become radicalized and take up arms against good American christians doing their religious duties to teach Canadians godly subservience. This would create a national security threat.

[Cinjin]

Love this closing sentiment by the author:

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

[Minimalist]

Where can i get a canadian?

Hockey rinks.

[Heather]

That email is hilarious but.... I think it's a fake per Dr. Laura's website:


"... I’ve been commenting on this for a while, but last night a friend approached me…a friend approached me and asked me how he should handle a particular situation. (I thought I was getting into “Dr. Laura gear”). Somebody had contacted him and challenged him about being my friend because, (and to quote that person) “she hates gays”. For almost a dozen years (I think they’re automatically renewed computer-wise daily…you’ve probably seen it or heard about it), a blog appears under different sources, ostensibly asking me to answer questions about some of the Bible’s entries about slavery, daughters…so forth. It supposes that I ever quoted Leviticus that homosexuality is an abomination. That never happened. I repeat: that never happened. I never said that. I don’t believe that."

http://www.drlaurablog.com/category/homosexuality/


Not that I would normally defend Dr. Laura... just saying... it's like those facebook posts that say "obama is calling their Christmas tree a holiday tree this year" and then it's just a fake rumor.

[Cinjin]

That email is hilarious but.... I think it's a fake per Dr. Laura's website

A good catch heather.
It very well may be fake. I don't listen to Dr. Laura and have probably only heard a snip-it of her show only once or twice in my whole life.

What makes the email funny is the truth that still resides within it. Perhaps it would be an excellent letter to send to the Westboro Baptist crew.

[Heather]

Ah, I think that letter should be MASS mailed and emailed out to any church that says homosexuality is wrong "because the bible tells me so." I would love to see the responses.

[thesummerqueen]

In answer to Dr James M Kauffman:

Canadian slaves do not willingly resign themselves to their religious duty to be slaves to good American christians, and are further spoiled in their youth by socialist medicine. Consequently they may become tart and disobedient if their masters do not take upon themselves the unreasonably burden of paying for slave's medicine, or give them scraps from the christmas table. In fact, some Canadians are likely to become radicalized and take up arms against good American christians doing their religious duties to teach Canadians godly subservience. This would create a national security threat.

But they'd do it politely.