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RE: joke time
June 30, 2016 at 6:37 am
(This post was last modified: June 30, 2016 at 6:38 am by chimp3.)
A man walks into a doctors office and removes his top hat.
He has a bull frog sitting on top of his head.
The Doctor says "Well , that is very interesting,, but how can I help you?
The bull frog says " Can you get this guy off my ass!"
A grasshopper sits down at a bar.
The bartender says "Hey , we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says "You have a drink named Wally?"
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
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RE: joke time
June 30, 2016 at 1:44 pm
(June 22, 2016 at 7:36 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Boru
Yeah, fuck Jerry and his twin.
Tom is way better.
I can't do jokes.
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RE: joke time
July 1, 2016 at 9:42 am
The other day my friend tried telling me I didn't know what the meaning of irony was.
Which is ironic because we were standing at a bus stop.
Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall.
He then turned and sneered at me and I thought, 'that's a little condescending.'
I love waking up to surprise sex. I suppose it's not so great for people in prison.
50 cent is doing a tour in Zimbabwe. Over there they call him three hundred million dollars.
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RE: joke time
July 2, 2016 at 4:54 am
My lover says I have a problem with intimacy. She doesn't know me very well.
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
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RE: joke time
July 2, 2016 at 8:37 am
(This post was last modified: July 2, 2016 at 8:37 am by ignoramus.)
From "Punchline".
Quote:The next time she takes the stage, she starts talking directly to the audience, relating to them, and, sure enough, she begins to roll, talking about their husbands and wives and their sexual appliances ("I don't know about you, but I just can't have an intimate relationship with anything that has Panasonic written on the side and comes with a 30 day warranty"). Lilah is ideally equipped to discuss sex onstage because, clearly, she thinks talking about it is, well, naughty.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
July 3, 2016 at 7:55 pm
I have this Polish friend who's a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one, too. I have a Czech one, too.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
July 4, 2016 at 6:05 am
A man walks into a bar. He orders three shots of bourbon and three shots of scotch.
The bartender pours and the man throws back all six shots in quick succession.
The bartender says "Wow , I haven't seen anybody drink like that in a long while".
The man says "You would drink like that if you had what I have".
"What do you have?"
".50 cents!"
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
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RE: joke time
July 8, 2016 at 8:58 pm
A preacher was driving home late one night after a full day of preaching and he was bone tired. He fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a tree. A cop came to see if he was hurt.
Preacher: No, I’m fine. I’ve got god in here with me.
Cop: Well, you better let him out before you kill him.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
July 9, 2016 at 4:39 am
During the final moments of the Passion, Jesus is on the cross. Exhausted from his ordeal, he weakly cries out for his favourite apostle. 'Peter,' he groans. 'Peter...are you here?'
Fighting his way through the crowd, Peter reaches the foot of the cross and falls to his knees. Tears in his eyes at his master's horrific torment, he looks up at the savior and calls out, 'I'm here, Lord, I'm here! What would you have of me?'
Through the pain and the sweat and the blood, Jesus looks down at Peter, smiles weakly and says,
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
July 9, 2016 at 3:20 pm
If the Establishment has it's way, the last thing Trump will say at the Republican National Convention is "Et Tu Brute?"''
Trump: Foreign policy? If you fuck with the US there will be hell toupee.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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