I have that problem too.
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Current time: May 10, 2024, 11:11 am
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How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
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 (September 19, 2016 at 9:26 am)Esquilax Wrote: I'm unwell, but when you've spent as long as I have not allowing yourself to have goals beyond the immediate so as not to be a bother to anyone, your mental state ceases to matter to you. You're not healthy or unhealthy, you just are, and that can't be changed because you're not a person who changes. You're barely a person at all. It's like going through life without a sense of touch: if you can't even perceive the world changing when you interact with it, at what point do you give up trying? Look I know our situation(s) and life experience(s) are completely unique and completely different and I know I'm on hiatus and not supposed to be posting on AF at all (nevermind jumping in now so impudently!) but this text of yours I've quoted could literally be me talking. I'm not gonna say "I know how you feel" but I will say that I know what it feels like to have those thoughts because that could very easily be my mind saying those things word for word verbatim (I just can't punctuate or grammatize as well as you can). I won't dismiss you. But I will break my hiatus to tell you this just because it made me feel a little less alone which is a very rare thing and perhaps that means something to you... I don't know, I guess at least this post was probably a surprise to you? I hope it's not a bad surprise. What have I got to lose? What have you got to lose? I doubt I've made anything any worse for you. It's very easy to tell you that "I care" -- And obviously I hope you feel better soon but I don't want to hit you with platitudes-- but I do care... so I'll leave it at that. I'm not supposed to really be posting on AF but just so you know if you ever want to Skype me at any point when I'm online I'm available... really. Apologies to everyone if breaking my hiatus to post this bothers anyone at all. It feels like it goes against my instincts by my instincts are so often wrong I just wanted to listen to my heart instead of my gut. At the very least I hope this wasn't too awkward, Esq.  (September 19, 2016 at 9:26 am)Esquilax Wrote: I feel brittle, lonely, and tired. I can't reach out to any of the people I want to reach out to in any meaningful way, and the ones I can reach out to have never felt like this. Their solutions are dismissive. There's writing to be done, but I can't fucking do it. I'm at a "low" point, I know it, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like my ribcage has been hollowed out and filled with lead weights, either. I'm very sorry to hear that you are having such a rough go of it, Esq. [emoji45]
Nay_Sayer: “Nothing is impossible if you dream big enough, or in this case, nothing is impossible if you use a barrel of KY Jelly and a miniature horse.”
Wiser words were never spoken. (September 20, 2016 at 12:33 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote: I'm back already. I don't have to give up AF to get out and take care of my health. I blame myself far too much I don't deserve to give up AF. I'm better than this and I'm a good person and anyone who thinks otherwise either doesn't know me or is an asshole themselves.
I'm a burden and I'm all the horrible things I used to say about myself. And I'm done putting myself up to make myself feel better. I really do suck and I can't do anything I try to do all I do is procrastinate and rationalize to avoid failing and to avoid putting myself down but it's about time I start putting myself down because down is the reality for me
(September 20, 2016 at 6:19 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote: I'm a burden and I'm all the horrible things I used to say about myself. And I'm done putting myself up to make myself feel better. I really do suck and I can't do anything I try to do all I do is procrastinate and rationalize to avoid failing and to avoid putting myself down but it's about time I start putting myself down because down is the reality for me *runs and hugs you*.  I came here specifically to post how I missed our HammyMcTurtlePants, and that the forum is lonely without your presence.
Nay_Sayer: “Nothing is impossible if you dream big enough, or in this case, nothing is impossible if you use a barrel of KY Jelly and a miniature horse.”
Wiser words were never spoken. (September 20, 2016 at 6:19 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote: I'm a burden and I'm all the horrible things I used to say about myself. And I'm done putting myself up to make myself feel better. I really do suck and I can't do anything I try to do all I do is procrastinate and rationalize to avoid failing and to avoid putting myself down but it's about time I start putting myself down because down is the reality for me You don't suck. You are you. The sooner you stop putting unrealistic expectations on yourself the better you will feel.
Nay_Sayer: “Nothing is impossible if you dream big enough, or in this case, nothing is impossible if you use a barrel of KY Jelly and a miniature horse.”
Wiser words were never spoken. 
Finally going to get that cataract removed. :dance:
Feeling very angry, disappointed, proud and entitled to my own feelings.
Also anticipating my own gratitude
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