Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?

[CapnAwesome]

Although I agree that one can get a pretty good sense of someone's sexuality without having sex, it seems like a good idea to try it before making a lifetime commitment.  Because if you are wrong, you then have a lifetime of bad sex, or you break your commitment.  Neither of those seem like good options.

That, by the way, need not necessitate having sex with anyone other than the person you intend to marry; you and your prospective partner could both be virgins beforehand, if you wish.  Then if the sex is good, you go ahead and get married as planned.  If, after several tries, it isn't any good, then you can part without a divorce.


Of course, you should live your life as you please, as long as you are not hurting anyone else.  And certainly, if you don't want to have sex with someone, you ought not do so.

I think if you love someone so much and they love you back, being close to them in that way will never feel "bad." Even if the sex may not be great at first, the good thing is that you have the rest of your lives to try out different things and try to be better for each other. If both people are committed to trying to satisfy their other half, and open with each other about what works for them and doesn't, etc, I think they can be very good in bed for each other. Sex is something you can work on. It's not like it's doomed forever if it's not great at first.

But then again, I'm saying what I'm saying as someone who waited until marriage, and you're saying what you're saying as someone who didn't, so it makes sense for each of us to think our own way is best. 

Right, it makes sense that both of us will think our way is best. A key difference is that you'll never really know if you are having the best sex possible (I make no judgements on the matter, as I can't really know ). I don't think I'm an overly promiscuous person , but I do know that there is a huge difference in sexual partners. I'm not saying that it really matters though. It sounds like your relationship is very healthy and you are happy with it and that should take priority.

I also enjoy talking about sex a great deal, particularly with women. Let me tell you a true story and something that can result from the 'wait until marriage' approach. So this comes from a woman I dated a few years back. She used to be married and had only had sex with her husband and while she was married she never or almost never had an orgasm. She just thought she was someone who was difficult to get off, that it was the biochemistry in her. After 5 or 6 years she ended up divorced and gets together with a guy and has sex with him. She gets off several times with him and thinks 'wow, there is something special about this guy.' She gets in a relationship with him that eventually doesn't work and ends up meeting another person. So around this time she's about 30 and this is the third person she's slept with. Anyway, she has multiple orgasms with that guy. As it turns out she was a very orgasmic person and her original Christian husband just didn't know what he was doing and blamed it on her. Now she's a much happier and kinkier person, rather than trapped in a relationship that never would have been sexually satisfying.

Now I think that's an equally likely scenario as your happy ending scenario, especially considering that with it you are dealing with sexually inexperienced men as well. If sex is important to someone, then waiting until marriage is the worst decision you can make.