Opening up about being mentally ill

[rexbeccarox]

Brakeman: I try to be positive in various ways:

1) Looking at what I have, rather than what I don't have

2) Trying to do things to lift my spirits

3) Focusing on the good in the world, and seeing how I can add to it, rather than focusing on bad things that I can't control

4) Accepting things how they are rather than railing against them

5) Trying to find humour in everything and to laugh

6) [This one is a bit difficult to explain] Attempting to aspire to be how I want myself to be, which is positive. I focus on the better parts of me and my thoughts, try to do positive actions, be helpful to people even when I feel like shit, and to hope that my subconscious will tend towards this better version of me. It seems to work. I guess it's a "positive attitude".

These are just a few examples, and they are personal, it's not supposed to be some get well quick scheme. It's a summary of how I have dealt with my depression, and how I've worked on my attitudes.

I totally agree that medication is not enough. I view medication as giving you the strength back to help yourself. It can put the balance back in your brain a little bit, so that you can seek help. The thing that has been key in my recent therapy, and which has given me somewhat of a breakthrough, is:

Even when you can't change things, you can change your attitude towards them.

(The following is a tangent, and I'm not sure where I was going with all of it, but as this is a thread bringing to light mental health issues, I thought I'd post it anyway. A small window into my brain in 3... 2... 1...)

I'm so glad this works for you, Rob. For me, though, that's the thing: I can't. I pretend all day, which exhausts me, and slowly makes everything worse because I can't change the way I feel, even when I try to fake it 'til I make it, which is a mantra I recite daily. Shit, my shitty seasonal retail job had me yelling at the people walking in, with a big, dopey smile, "Welcome to our perfect Christmas!!!," while squirting smelly stuff on them and selling bullshit at huge markups and telling them they're getting amazing deals... and I did it well and sort of enjoyed it on a couple of levels... it just makes me want to crawl into a hole when I'm done. Actually, I think part of what has caused my depression to sink deeper and deeper over the years is that I grew up in an atmosphere in which you have no choice but to fake it 'til you make it, and therefore, I've continued to harbor that attitude, whether I'm working in customer-service jobs or not. I just don't know how to be any other way, and it's really not me. I have no idea how to make it any different, though, since I have no idea how to even apply for jobs that don't require that from me.

I'm sorry; I know it works for you, Rob, and I'm really happy it does. I just wish I understood how you do it. You are a sweet and amazing soul, and I'm so glad you are who you are.