Why Does No One Change the Incorrect Relationship Narrative?

[Thumpalumpacus]

I want a partner who has enough in common with me for it to be worth it, not for me to painstakingly try and find out some common ground on every single issue.

I don't think the point Dr T was making was to "painstakingly" try to find common ground. I think the point he was making was minimize emotional investment into people when the chasms are too wide. It's not too different from what you're saying, it's just saying it in a different way. He certainly wasn't encouraging overly solicitous compromise, at least insofar as I understood it relayed second-hand. I thnk the message was more along the lines of don't settle.

Those were the commonalities he found in relationships that work -- not benchmarks for which one should change, or insist upon change. In other words, he was giving advice about selecting a partner, not giving advice about negotiations.

That's what I get out of it, anyway. I'm normally pretty quick to cut ties, myself -- though not always -- and that tendency of mine may provide some bias even in this reply.