"Gospel Quest" (or The Jesus Timeline)

[DeistPaladin]

Xtians in their absurd desire to push their godboy into the story are thus forced to throw out any Roman history which contradicts it. Well, the Romans didn't give a single fuck about their bullshit story and we know when Vitellius went to Syria.

Thanks as always but I don't think the Christians are disputing this. They claim that the divorce and jailing of JtB happened in 27-29 CE, about the same time that JtB started his ministry. Putting aside this means that JtB arrives on the scene, is instantly hailed as the new messiah and then is ushered off the stage in the same year, this means that Aratas declared war and then sat on his hands for nearly 10 years.

Makes about as much sense as the 10 year pregnancy of Mary.

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Next Witness: Matthew

Matthew places the birth of Jesus prior to the death of King Herod the Great.

2:1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem

Then Herod ordered the death of all the infants around Jerusalem, in a historically unrecorded infantacide lifted straight out of the Book of Exodus (which itself had been lifted from the legend of Sargon). Joseph is warned and he takes Jesus to Egypt.

2:14 When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:

Out of curiosity, how were the soldiers going to kill the son of God? If Jesus was God incarnate, then let the soldiers run their swords through him all day. You can't kill a god like that. Everyone knows you first need to go to the ends of the earth and defeat the Five-headed Foosil to recover the Sword of the Seven Parts and anoint it with the balm of the Maguffin before... or something like that.

...and all the other babies about to be killed. Nope. Angels can't do anything about that. Fuck 'em. Free will and all that or something. But I digress.

2:19-23 But when Herod was dead, behold, an angel of the Lord appeareth in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, Saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and go into the land of Israel: for they are dead which sought the young child's life. And he arose, and took the young child and his mother, and came into the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus did reign in Judaea in the room of his father Herod, he was afraid to go thither: notwithstanding, being warned of God in a dream, he turned aside into the parts of Galilee: And he came and dwelt in a city called Nazareth: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophets, He shall be called a Nazarene.

So Mary and Joseph lived in Jerusalem, moved to Egypt and then moved to Nazareth. This contrasts with Luke's Jesus who's family lived in Nazareth, visited Jerusalem and then returned to their home in Nazareth.

Before apologists say, "no, Matthew never says..." read it again. Joseph was going to return to his home in Judea. He couldn't because of Archelaus. It was only the reign of Archelaus that made him move north and settle in the city of Nazareth. If he had lived in Nazareth all along, there would have been no reason to return to Jerusalem in the first place. The only reason Luke's Joseph was even in Jerusalem at all was because of some cockamamie census. It was just intended as a visit.

So Matt's Jesus was born before 4 BCE. But what about the census in Luke? Apologists like to suggest an earlier census of 9-8 BCE but this would have made Jesus way too old to be "about 30" by the time JtB even started his ministry in 28-29 CE. Additionally, all of Judea was not part of Rome but a client state run by Herod the Great. The citizens of Judea were NOT Roman citizens at that point in history. The entire point of the census under Quirinius and Luke's reference to taxation was because Rome had just acquired new provinces and wanted to know how much tax revenue there was to be gained.

In Sum:
Matt's Jesus was born before 4 BCE.
Luke's Jesus was born after 6 CE.

Next Witness: John

To be continued...