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Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 8:49 pm
I'm working on coming up with original politically incorrect jokes, here is one of them:
A Muslim, a Christian, and a Jew are going skydiving…
The Christian and Jew are praying for their lives, and are noticably scared of this decision they’ve made.
The Muslim thinks they’re afraid of being on the plane with him and says, “What, you think all of us are terrorists?”
And the Jew and Christian say “Oh no sir, we’re just afraid of heights.”
Then the pilot comes over the intercom and says “ALLAHU AKBAR” everyone is like oh shit!
So the Muslim skydiver jumps out of the plane, pushing the Jew and Christian out of his way, but he forgot his parachute.
Then the intercom says in a British accent “Just kidding mates!”
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 9:12 pm
Two Jews walk into a bar......
Oh wait, Jews hate paying for shit.
Never mind...
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 9:26 pm
I'll give it a try.
A town is threatened by the river overflowing. A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian decide to get down on their knees and pray to god for help. They agree that if the river floods the whole town in spite of their prayers, then it is god's will.
After prayers the Jew looks out the window and says, "Look! Some godless atheist is lining the river with sand bags!"
Eh, I tried.
There is an ALLLL-knowing, ALLLL-powerful, inVISible being who is everywhere, who created the WHOLE universe, who lives in another dimension called heaven, who is perfect in every way, who was never born and will never die, and who watches you every minute of every day (even when you're squeezing one out on the toilet). There are also unicorns, leprechauns, Santa Claus, an Easter Bunny, and a giant purple people eater.
JUST BELIEVE IT!
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 9:32 pm
(September 14, 2013 at 9:26 pm)Jiggerj Wrote: I'll give it a try.
A town is threatened by the river overflowing. A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian decide to get down on their knees and pray to god for help. They agree that if the river floods the whole town in spite of their prayers, then it is god's will.
After prayers the Jew looks out the window and says, "Look! Some godless atheist is lining the river with sand bags!"
Eh, I tried.
Hah, I liked it.
Here is a joke.
A Muslim accidentally stood up while peeing and a drop of piss got on his pants so he went to hell!
Oh wait that's not a joke... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPFbZslKqn4
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.” - Marcus Aurelius
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 9:39 pm
(This post was last modified: September 14, 2013 at 9:42 pm by freedomfromforum.)
Two christians walk into a bar....
Oh wait, no they didn't.
Never mind...
Two Muslims blow up a bar....
Never mind.
Two atheists walk into a bar...
And they have a great time, saying....
Never mind.
(September 14, 2013 at 9:32 pm)AtheistCreed Wrote: (September 14, 2013 at 9:26 pm)Jiggerj Wrote: I'll give it a try.
A town is threatened by the river overflowing. A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian decide to get down on their knees and pray to god for help. They agree that if the river floods the whole town in spite of their prayers, then it is god's will.
After prayers the Jew looks out the window and says, "Look! Some godless atheist is lining the river with sand bags!"
Eh, I tried.
Hah, I liked it.
Here is a joke.
A Muslim accidentally stood up while peeing and a drop of piss got on his pants so he went to hell!
Oh wait that's not a joke... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPFbZslKqn4
This made me piss myself....
I guess I'm fucked!
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 9:51 pm
This couple sends their kid to school, and he does pretty well, but he really struggles with math. The parents try everything to help him improve: They study with him, hire tutors, but nothing helps. Finally, at their wits' end, they decide to send him to the local Catholic school, which has a reputation for turning out great math students. Sure enough, the kid begins to improve! His progress is sudden and dramatic! One day, the parents ask him, "What was it that made the difference for you in math? All that studying, all those tutors, nothing helped. What's so special about the Catholic school's method?" The kid replies, "Well, when I saw that guy nailed to the big plus sign, I figured they weren't fucking around!!"
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 9:54 pm
(September 14, 2013 at 9:51 pm)Raeven Wrote: This couple sends their kid to school, and he does pretty well, but he really struggles with math. The parents try everything to help him improve: They study with him, hire tutors, but nothing helps. Finally, at their wits' end, they decide to send him to the local Catholic school, which has a reputation for turning out great math students. Sure enough, the kid begins to improve! His progress is sudden and dramatic! One day, the parents ask him, "What was it that made the difference for you in math? All that studying, all those tutors, nothing helped. What's so special about the Catholic school's method?" The kid replies, "Well, when I saw that guy nailed to the big plus sign, I figured they weren't fucking around!!"
That punchline is epic!
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.” - Marcus Aurelius
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 14, 2013 at 10:52 pm
(September 14, 2013 at 9:54 pm)AtheistCreed Wrote: That punchline is epic!
Why aren't there any jokes about Jonestown?
Because the punchline would be too long...
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 15, 2013 at 1:01 am
I really admired my elderly neighbour's brief but excellent bongo playing last night.
This morning I went over to congratulate him, but the lazy git was just lying at the bottom of the stairs.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: Politically Incorrect Jokes
September 15, 2013 at 7:57 am
A few oldies, but I've always like them:
*****
A nun is having a bath when there's a knock on the door.
'Who is it?' she asks.
A masculine voice answers, 'It's the blind man. Can I come in?'
The nun thinks for a moment and decides that since the man is blind there's no hard and says, 'Yes, you may come in.'
The man enters, takes a good, long look and says, 'Great tits, sister, now where shall I hang these blinds?'
*****
Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
*****
During a devastating flood, the local religious groups are organizing rescue efforts. The minister says, 'We must save the children!' The rabbi says, 'Screw the children!'. The priest says, 'Do you think there's time for that?'
*****
What's the opposite of Christoper Reeve? Christopher Walken.
*****
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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