Fuck Milk! Got Christ?

[Phatt Matt s]

Scripture says that those who believe in Christ will hold venomous serpents and that they will be able to drink poison and it will have no effect on them (Matt 16:18)...anyone want to give it a try?

Matthew 19:12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others--and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
...Am I the only one volunteering?

Matthew 18:9if your eye causes you to sin pluck it out...I'll have to take out my eyes!
Matthew 18:9 if your hand causes you to sin cut it off...I masturbate with both my hands!

Looks like I'll need to cut off my hands, pluck out my eyes,and cut off my genitals...But I'm Going to Heaven Baby!

Jesus does Preach the Golden rule though! "What is faith without Love...Nothing!" -Christ

It's all about Love Baby!

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Numbers:
32 Now while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day. 33 And those who found him gathering sticks brought him to Moses and Aaron, and to all the congregation. 34 They put him under guard, because it had not been explained what should be done to him.
35 Then the Lord said to Moses, “The man must surely be put to death; all the congregation shall stone him with stones outside the camp.” 36 So, as the Lord commanded Moses, all the congregation brought him outside the camp and stoned him with stones, and he died.

You're dead if you work on the wrong day of the week!

Deuteronomy 25:11-12
If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.

Why doesn't she just give them a good kick!

Leviticus 19:27
"'Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard."
WOW! I'd be wearing a fur coat on my face. LOL

"When a woman has a discharge of blood, which is her regular discharge from her body, she shall be in her impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean ." -- Leviticus 15:19-20 -30 everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean. And whoever touches her bed shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. And whoever touches anything on which she sits shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean. Whether it is the bed or anything on which she sits, when he touches it he shall be unclean.

Leviticus 15:28-30
But if she is cleansed of her discharge, she shall count for herself seven days...And on the eighth day she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons and bring them to the priest, to the entrance of the tent of meeting. And the priest shall use one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. And the priest shall make atonement for her before the Lord for her unclean discharge.

When it's that time of month you better kick your wife out of the house

[Phatt Matt s]

Anyone watch Son of God? I saw it in theaters yesterday evening. Anyone else see it? Best Jesus movie I've seen after the Passion.

I thoroughly enjoy all the blood, mutilation, and screaming in the Passion of Christ!

[Tonus]

Matthew 18:9 if your hand causes you to sin cut it off

THE SCENE: Heaven, after the rapture.

Jesus: Alright people! Everyone who wants to stay with me in heaven, clap your hands!
Crowd: *silence*
Jesus: Fine! Be like that! To HELL with all of you!!!
Crowd: *disappears in a puff of smoke*
Jesus: -short pause-
Jesus: HOLY SHIT! I totally forgot about Matthew 18:8!
Jesus: *picks up red phone*
Devil: *refuses to answer, laughs for the rest of eternity*

[Phatt Matt s]

Why can't Jesus eat skittles?
They fall through his hands.

Why don't children like to play hide and go seek with Jesus. He's always peeking.

(holes in his hands lol)

Why did it look like Jesus . He was biting his nails

[heathendegenerate]

The genitals woman grabber one seems just silly.

[Phatt Matt s]

It was suppose to say why did it look like Jesus was biting his palm. He was chewing his nails.

[Phatt Matt s]

I like the Sheep and the goats section of Matthew 25

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

[Phatt Matt s]

When I see the atheist arguement it seems like atheism is the way to go. When I hear a good catholic apologist it seems like the catholic church has the truth. When I hear a Bible christian give their defense it somewhat sounds convincing at times.

The sect that consistently never makes any sense are the moromons.

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Morons

[Phatt Matt s]

I had a goofy Religious tangent after my conversion so I buried my bad CD's and violent serial killer and occult Music in my Dad's garden. When I was tilling the soil two days ago I tried in vain to dig them up. Not all of it was evil. Tool and Nirvanah isn't wicked. LoL. Not that wicked

The CD's were all clumped together so I'm thinking the ones in the middle, even though they have been buried for over three years might still work. What do you think? :p

[KUSA]

Stick them in your dad's CD player. Don't worry about getting them clean they'll be alright.