New here and need advice

[rexbeccarox]

Welcome, Kalyssat! I don't have any words that haven't already been said. Good luck to you

[Dorian Gray]

Welcome. I empathize with your situation. I too am or was a people pleaser and sometimes have a hard time in life. But I have learned with age that even with your family, you have a right to disregard the delusions that others have around us, and think for yourself. Plus, people might begrudgingly respect others who don't go with the status quo. In the long run, it shouldn't matter.

Personally, I got tired long ago of attending church with friends and well-meaners just to please those who wanted me to be "saved." I got tired of conversations about topics of which the outcome was unclear or bleak and having to zone out while people talked about prayer and god. I'd rather deal with them politely but firmly and honestly instead of having to pretend. I developed more respect for myself.

The atheist activist Hemant Mehta said: "It's not narcissistic to say you're an atheist when everyone around you has no problem wearing their cross necklaces, talking about how they're praying for good luck or baptizing their children, and there's a church on every block."

Frankly, I'm sick of treating the delusional with kid gloves. If, however, you have something to lose, and you think that "coming out" will damage a familial relationship, a Machiavellian approach may suit the situation. I see no problem with doing as the Romans do when in Rome, so to speak, if it means protecting something or getting what you want.

[Brakeman]

I am very conflicted about telling my family and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it would really help me to hear other people talk about their experiences "coming out" or not.

I have a religious father and mother and semi religious siblings. I still don't come out an blatantly posit that I am a bible hatin' atheist. I instead let them know that I think like a scientist and I don't believe in any kind of "magic." It seems to help them that I don't come out and use the "Atheist" word.

[SteelCurtain]

It's tough to be coldly rational about this kind of a situation, but sometimes cold rationality can make things clearer.

Weigh the pros and cons. Is it better to keep the façade up, play the game, harbor those dishonest feelings, or is it better to be yourself, not feel fake, and honestly represent yourself?

You can probably guess by my tone what my advice is, huh?

It sounds like the only reason you would stay "in the closet" is to protect the feelings of your family, or to protect yourself from being self conscious around them. You are now an adult. You are in the prime years of finding/defining yourself as a person. Learning to be confident in who you are is a huge part of that process. There is no way to be self confident if you are hiding an integral part of who you are because of what other people might think. Especially when that thing is a positive, good, and remarkable thing. Be you. Speaking from experience, from a family of bible thumpers--my real relationships and some of the self discovery that has come from being out in the open (and proud)--have been WAY better than my teenage years when I was playing the game because it was prudent to do so.

[Kalyssat]

Thank you all for your advice. This has been on my mind for quite some time and I've almost gone through with telling them on several occasions. It just never seems to be "the right time". I know that it is something I need to do for me personally and I know I will feel a lot better when I do. I don't know if I will tell them tomorrow or the next day, but I will tell them and it will be sooner rather than later.

[Aractus]

[Jenny A]

Hi, my family was quite religious when I was growing up and my mother and her husband still are. I told them when it came time for confirmation. That was a lie I wasn't willing to participate in. But I knew perfectly well I wasn't going to disowned. Since then I've had to reiterate about one every three or four years as they like to forget and assume it was a phase. 40 year phases are possible right?

My husband has made different decisions about his fundamentalist family.

Really, you simply have to weigh whether it's worth it. That is inevitably a very personal decision.

[Bad Wolf]

If you decide to tell your family, make sure you are prepared knowlede wise. Learn Xian apolagetics and counter apolagetics. It'll make you seem more confident and sure about your position and may deflect any denial from your family because sometimes they may say things like 'you're not really an atheist, your just confused'

http://wiki.ironchariots.org/index.php?title=Main_Page

This is one of the best websites for learning apolagetics and counter apolagetics.

[Losty]

I'm not really good at advice. Or not today at least. But I do want to welcome you to the forum. I hope you find it as wonderful and accommodating as I did when I joined.
Make yourself at home and enjoy some welcome cookies.

[robvalue]

Hi there, welcome Everyone has already given really good advice, so there's not much I can add.

If you do tell them, you can make it clear that the problem you have is with religion, not with them or other people who follow it. You are tackling the issues in a logical and truthful way, not trying to hurt or distance yourself from the people who accept the religion.

The more people who are "out" the better for the overall cause, but if it means you will suffer too much on a personal level, you should put that first. Maybe you could put out feelers by discussing the subject at a tangent without coming right out with it first, to gauge their reaction?

I hope things go well for you, whatever you decide.