Daily Bible Bollocks

[LostLocke]

Tubby, the laws God set up specified if a man died without leaving posterity and he had a brother who was unmarried, that brother was to marry the widow and bring up children with her

At what stage is the widow asked if she wants this arrangement?

[abaris]

Which is weird when did the dramatic change happen...
that bothers me a lot now that i think about it.

Three guesses as to when. When they lubed themselves up to better enter Constantines anus of course.

[Homeless Nutter]

Tubby, the laws God set up specified if a man died without leaving posterity and he had a brother who was unmarried, that brother was to marry the widow and bring up children with her

At what stage is the widow asked if she wants this arrangement?

Don't be silly. Women are cattle in the eyes of the authors of the bible. You wouldn't ask a cow whether or not she wants to be sold, or to whom, would you?

Incidentally - there are provisions in Jewish tradition for when the unmarried brother in question does not wish to marry his brother's widow. It's called "Halizah" and is sometimes practiced even today, among orthodox Jews.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halizah

The process involves the taking off of a brother-in-law's shoe by the widow of a brother who has died childless, through which ceremony he is released from the obligation of marrying her, and she becomes free to marry whomever she desires (Deuteronomy 25:5-10).

Only one brother-in-law is obligated to perform the ceremony. The mode of levirate marriage (Genesis 38:8) is thus modified in the Deuteronomic code attributed to Moses, by permitting the surviving brother to refuse to marry his brother's widow, provided he submits to the ceremony of Halizah.

[robvalue]

It's interesting, women weren't even important enough to mention in the genealogy back then. Or maybe they just couldn't be bothered making up all those extra names. The lists were boring enough already. Or maybe they were all gay.

[Homeless Nutter]

The Bible doesn't say what he did, just that he was "wicked". You'd have to do something pretty egregious to be referred to as wicked. Also I don't think anyone is against a proven murder getting the death penalty, it's just that a lot of errors are made in our human-run justice system, God's justice is perfect.

Lol... What? Did you not bother to read the entire passage quoted in the OP?
Let me remind you - Onan was "slain" by the god's "perfect justice" for NOT SQUIRTING INSIDE HIS DEAD BROTHER'S WIFE. Not for "proven murder" (and BTW - person who committed that crime would be "a murderer". You're welcome. It's lovely to help.) So who knows - maybe Er also sprayed his muck somewhere other than where he was supposed to, which got him killed.

Also you may have forgotten "May he, who is without sin, cast the first stone" (it's somewhere in that dumb book you love so much - look it up). So apparently someone (his name was Jeebus, or something) does not condone capital punishment. Or are you going to tell me that this only applies to adulterous women and not all sins?

And if "god's justice" is so "perfect" - how come he killed a guy for not knocking up his sister-in-law and yet Joseph Stalin lived 75 years - during which he was directly responsible for deaths of millions of people and suffering of many more? Did god not consider him "wicked"? Nah, of course not - god loves totalitarian dictators, because he's one of them. Or rather - would be if he existed...

[JackRussell]

I don't think anyone is against a proven murder getting the death penalty,

Uh, I am. The death penalty is barbaric and ineffective at preventing crime.

Yep, I have to agree. The death penalty is ineffective. Often it has been used on the mentally ill and minors and in US history has a very clear racial slant. I am glad we are well shot of it in Western Europe. We do need effective prison systems and as a society we deserve protection from the violently criminally inclined. However, the death penalty is well beyond its best buy date in any modern, progressive society IMHO.

[The Valkyrie]

I thought it was time to get back to basics and lighten the discussions a bit so following on from my last topic of pigeons, turtles and menstruation I have another piece of choice scripture.

Introducing another long time OT favorite that stops all those naughty christian boys from knocking a sly one out, I present.......

Genesis 38:7-10 KJV

And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord ; and the Lord slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord : wherefore he slew him also.

Presumably the author wasn't just indecisive about what to....er.....write at the beginning and Er was actually a person. Other than that, I don't know where to start with this tripe so I hand it over to you all to disect.

No mention of his brothers Um and Ooops?

[TubbyTubby]

No mention of his brothers Um and Ooops?

Ha yes, as I read that I thought 'there can't be names like that in the bible surely' before realising what you were referring to.

It inspired me to look at the craziest bible names, theres a google hit with the top 16 if you search. Mash (accidently sacrifices a baby to god thinking it was a chicken! seriously?), Uz, Hul, Gether, fucking Dodo! Ha, that is quality.
Chalcol, Zebedee, Ham, Gad oh my, it actually makes me laugh out loud sat on my own which is very unusual. I know what to do for a pick me up in future, credit where it's due, those bible writers really did have a sense of humour.

Wait, Maher-shalal-hash-baz. Fucking quality, its like some names my kids make up when they write stories.

I can just imagine them sat there running out of bible names and making shit up.

Writer 1: Oh I don't know then, how about we call him Zebedee?

Writer 2: Nope, already used that. Father of James and John in Matthew. Don't you remember?

Writer 1: No fucking way! How could someone else think of that shit? OK, I'm going real hardcore this time. I'll call him....erm....Maher........Shalal......Hash. And fuck it Bash at the end, that's catchy, they'll love that one.

Writer 2: Nope, we've defo not used that one yet. What are you smoking? Pass it over.

[TubbyTubby]

I would like to update this thread with the infamous Numbers 22 talking donkey verses. Quite possibly the most amazing twist of delusion that could be made. Of course, it's just a metaphor....

Numbers 22:28-30 KJV

And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times? And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee. And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.

Ha ha ha. Even better than Monty Python could manage. Balaam hast thou been munching the forbidden mushrooms again?

[Lucanus]

Well... You could say...
That god...

Was talking from his ass.