New to Everything

[Brometheus]

Hi, I am a 30-something dad, former Christian church-planter - one of those ones who actually believed it to be true, with no deeper awareness that I was deluded or deceiving myself. After witnessing 3 horrible church blow-ups I began questioning Christianity, because the Bible says that if the spirit of God who raised up Jesus from the dead was in us, we would be different. All the Christians I had ever met, (which was also true of all throughout history) have been as, or more, bad than non-Christians.

I began reading. The more I read, the more I knew I was wrong. I de-converted.

I developed a deep depression and panic disorder, and would be gripped by irrational fears that god was going to smite me, or drop me imminently into hell. I would awake at night with absolute terror. I was eventually medicated for it.

Now a couple years removed, and a lot of CBT under my belt, I am logically and persistently confirming my un-belief. Now I read Hitchens, Dawkins and Harris for comfort. I read Kaku, Hawking, Greene and Lederman for the sheer joy and wonder of the immense universe and nature I was missing out on.

I am still on my way through this, and often-times the old 'first reaction' kicks in and I act like an ass. But I'm sincerely trying to find my way out of this darkness and delusion...

I enjoy working out, wood-working, computer programming and my dog.

[Whateverist]

Welcome. It seems you've done what so many never do. Some of us come from households bereft of any religion - lucky bastards. Others, like me, had just one parent bonkers for God .. and he just wasn't that good at infecting me with it. One of my siblings adopted his church and world view. Another became depressed and then a mormon.

I think you can find what you're looking for here. Lots of atheists are in the position of solidifying their de-conversion. Others can be regular smart alecks, playing devil's advocate for letting theists remain theists. (Guilty.) But plenty of others had the more difficult road that you are on and can sympathize better. At any rate, welcome aboard.

[watchamadoodle]

I'm glad you are fully deconverted now. Deconversion often seems to be a long difficult adjustment.
I grew up as an Episcopalian and became irreligious in college. Then I tried being Eastern Orthodox a few years ago. Now I seem to be an atheist. It's taken me decades.

[Exian]

Kudos and Congratulations on thinking freely.

[robvalue]

Hello Brom, welcome

I'm very sorry to hear of all the pain you've been through. I can't imagine how hard it must be to finally realize you've been fed lies for so long. Congratulations on finding the courage to make it back to the real world.

It sounds like you are handling it in a very constructive way, and I think this is just the right place for you to further cement yourself in reality and hopefully get to the point where you can laugh at religion.

You hear that Jesus you imaginary bastard? You're a stupid lie so just return the mythical elements you stole to the rightful owners, and fuck off. Take your dad and stupid floaty sidekick with you.

[Norman Humann]

Welcome, Brometheus! We are currently undergoing some technical adjustments, but don't let that deter you. You're in the right place. 

I can relate to what you're saying. I come from a deeply religious environment. I've developed a panic disorder as well and I know just what you mean by that fear of god. If you want to talk about it, feel free to PM me. I also find Hitchens to be very comforting. There is a YT series which combines his best arguments and I found it works great on irrational fears.

I'm sorry to hear about your depression. I'm sure you'll find a great community here and if you read or participate in debates with theists, your disbelief is bound to solidify. Welcome again and enjoy! 

[c172]

Sup, Bro.

I haven't been as scarred by my journey as you, and seemingly others on here have. I went to a Christian church (in a YMCA) as a small kid, but my mother (who does believe vaguely in a God) pulled me out when I was developing some "weird thoughts" about things. I then, on my own, discovered the Unitarian Universlists, but after 13 years, I had a political falling out with them, and a simultaneous feeling that church was for those that, at the very least, questioned the non-existence of a god.

Since 1998, I have been free, and since about 2006, I self-identify as an atheist (capital "A", maybe? I dunno).

Welcome. I hope we can be of some comfort.

[Dystopia]

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Hey bro, welcome to the forum ^_^

[Joods]

Welcome!