Forced Prayer

[ScienceAf]

So my mum and step dad are forcing me to go to the masijid/masque on Friday to pray and I'm afraid they'll bring down the preacher to talk to me in front of everyone and I'm quite shy. I also only a few weeks ago came out as atheist. They won't listen and I don't know what to do, I'm 12 and still seem to young to make a decision on my own to my parents. What can I do to convince them?

[robvalue]

I'm very sorry to hear this

Unfortunately, they are legally allowed to do this. I think that sucks.

My advice would be to try and get them to understand that you want to make your own decisions about all this, and that they should respect your right. Do they value their religion over your happiness and individuality?

You could also say that forcing you to do things is only going to push you further away from the religion. I think this is generally true, once someone has decided they don't want to do something. They've had their chance to indoctrinate you and it has failed. They are beating a dead horse now. If they want there to be any possibility of you viewing the religion in a positive light, they need to allow you to come to your own conclusions. What kind of "truth" requires enforcement to believe?

It might help to say that you're not rejecting them, you simply disagree with them. People should be allowed to disagree without one side trying to force the other into submission. They are showing the dark, controlling side of religion by bullying you like this.

Also, why does God need their help? If he can't communicate with you under his own steam, what difference do they think they are going to make? And do they think God has a plan for you? If so, why are they interfering with it?

[ScienceAf]

I'm very sorry to hear this

Unfortunately, they are legally allowed to do this. I think that sucks.

My advice would be to try and get them to understand that you want to make your own decisions about all this, and that they should respect your right. Do they value their religion over your happiness and individuality?

You could also say that forcing you to do things is only going to push you further away from the religion. I think this is generally true, once someone has decided they don't want to do something. They've had their chance to indoctrinate you and it has failed. They are beating a dead horse now. If they want there to be any possibility of you viewing the religion in a positive light, they need to allow you to come to your own conclusions. What kind of "truth" requires enforcement to believe?

It might help to say that you're not rejecting them, you simply disagree with them. People should be allowed to disagree without one side trying to force the other into submission. They are showing the dark, controlling side of religion by bullying you like this.

Also, why does God need their help? If he can't communicate with you under his own steam, what difference do they think they are going to make? And do they think God has a plan for you? If so, why are they interfering with it?

Thank you but I've repeatedly told them over and over again. They are in denial now. Is that the limit?

Save

[robvalue]

Oh boy. Well, you have a few options open to you. It depends how you think they would pan out.

1) Ask awkward questions. Do lots of research beforehand, and present people at the mosque with questions they can't easily answer without looking foolish. This isn't hard since religion is ridiculous. Maybe they'll get too embarressed to keep bringing you.

2) Play along. Pretend you've "found religion" again. It will suck, but at least they will probably put less pressure on you. Fake it until you can leave home and become indepent, for a quiet life.

3) Warn your parents that they are damaging their relationship with you. The more they force you to do things while you're in their care, the less you are going to want to speak to them once you're independent. My parents abused their care of me, and now they are paying the price. I barely talk to them.

I wish I could offer more. It's horrible that parents are allowed to do this. Whatever happens, keep coming here to vent, and so we can support you.

[Athene]

Hey, kid...What'd you "come out" for? Didn't almost everyone advise you NOT to do that? 
Did you think that was for no good reason?

You've gotta start thinking ahead, man....like, at least ten minutes into the future. Please.
You're a way smart kid, but you're killing me! 

[brewer]

Pray with your fingers and toes crossed. Mumble with out saying any real words. Fake it till you can make it (on your own).

So, if your parents and the preacher believe in power of prayer, and know your feelings/convictions, why are they not worried about what you might be praying for? Church plumbing burst, air conditioner fail, car breaks down, ............ You could be praying for even more devious actions.

Shit, what was I thinking. In their hearts of hearts they know it doesn't work either. Expect for mind control.

Good luck.

[bennyboy]

So my mum and step dad are forcing me to go to the masijid/masque on Friday to pray and I'm afraid they'll bring down the preacher to talk to me in front of everyone and I'm quite shy. I also only a few weeks ago came out as atheist. They won't listen and I don't know what to do, I'm 12 and still seem to young to make a decision on my own to my parents. What can I do to convince them?

Lie, nod politely, do what they tell you, then when you hit the age of majority, tell them you're done with it.

There's really little point trying to confront your parents, you have almost no rights at this time in your life, and probably not enough physical strength to just do what you want.

[bennyboy]

Oh boy. Well, you have a few options open to you. It depends how you think they would pan out.

1) Ask awkward questions. Do lots of research beforehand, and present people at the mosque with questions they can't easily answer without looking foolish. This isn't hard since religion is ridiculous. Maybe they'll get too embarressed to keep bringing you.

2) Play along. Pretend you've "found religion" again. It will suck, but at least they will probably put less pressure on you. Fake it until you can leave home and become indepent, for a quiet life.

3) Warn your parents that they are damaging their relationship with you. The more they force you to do things while you're in their care, the less you are going to want to speak to them once you're independent. My parents abused their care of me, and now they are paying the price. I barely talk to them.

I wish I could offer more. It's horrible that parents are allowed to do this. Whatever happens, keep coming here to vent, and so we can support you.

With all due respect, I don't think he should do any of these but #2.  I wouldn't encourage a 12 year-old to dig in his heels and establish what is likely to be mortal combat of the "soul" with his own parents.

[Chad32]

Unfortunately parents can be quite stubborn. My parent's are pretty stubborn when I explain that I don't share their political views. There's not a whole lot you can do, until you're able to move out, which is why the general advice is wait until you're in college or have your own home. Right now they're trying to reconvert you, and you won't have much say in it. Just go through the motions until you're able to move out.

[mlmooney89]

Oh sweetie, you are so young to be having to deal with this. This isn't like a 16 or 17 year old fighting and having to deal with it for another year or so before freedom. You have a good 6 years (depending where you are and what the legal adult age is for you) and that is too much time to be burning bridges but it is also a long time to pretend to be who you are not. I personally think you need to be somewhere in the middle.

I came out to my parents when I was 16. My step dad laughed and said it was a phase and my mom was in Iraq so she had other things to worry about. I was forced to go to church and I cried in the restroom most of the time. After that they left me in the car the next time during Sunday school but made me go to service. I sat and sulked the entire time. After that I never had to go again. I wasn't outright rebellious but I was obnoxious enough that I wasn't worth the effort it took to get me to act happy to be there. Then again my parents weren't very religious. My suggestion is to do as you are told even if you do it while looking miserable. I think showing an effort but not pretending to be a believer would help. Go to their religious functions and behave maybe your misery will make them feel bad. I wouldn't lie to them saying you are something you aren't and I wouldn't neglect to remind them nicely that you respect and love them but you are hurting from this forced religion. Worse comes to worse treat it like an unwanted music lesson. Kids are forced to go to those despite their wants all the time.