Let's talk about the 'tyranny of happiness'

[Longhorn]

It's also the general belief that if you're not feeling happy 24/7 you're not happy in general, in life.

Finally found the comic I've been looking for to post originally:

[Catholic_Lady]

I'm also really bad about "taking it one day at a time." You know, when you're going through a really really hard, life altering situation people tell you to just take it one day at a time and to not think about the future? I can't do that. I think ahead. I always have. I have to be prepared and to plan ahead for things, and I am very aware of how my choices now will effect me later in life. So when something really bad is happening, I always start thinking about how this will effect my life down the line.

[pocaracas]

It's everywhere!!

Disney Fairies

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Whitney Houston & Mariah Carey

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This one even says "Now we are not afraid; Although we know there's much to fear"... O.o

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I prefer to focus on solving whatever problem arises that creates bad feelings.
If it is in my power to solve it, then just do it.
If it's beyond my power, then... time must fix it... somehow.

Pushing away bad emotions should be frowned upon...
Even Kirk knew this!

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[SteelCurtain]

It's a fine line. I do think as a society, we're growing. We are learning that we cannot fit everyone into the same box. So what works to cheer me up may not be the same for you, and that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either of us.

It's odd and not a little creepy to tie it to sex, but one of the best lessons I ever learned as a young man was that not all women are the same. I thought I figured women out when I was like 19, and that was 100% not the case. Damned Rubiks' Cube, the lot of yinz.

So I think that's the first step. Understanding that everyone's needs are different. Be empathetic---make them feel that you are at least attempting to understand what they are going through, and then let them know you are there for them.

Is the next step up to them or you, though?

[Crossless2.0]

I must need coffee. I keep thinking the OP title is "the tranny of happiness" which might also be an interesting thread.

[Jesster]

I must need coffee. I keep thinking the OP title is "the tranny of happiness" which might also be an interesting thread.

Oh good! I wasn't the only one who read it that way the first time. I was worried.

[Edwardo Piet]

I agree with the OP so very strongly.

In fact I feel like my recovery from my worst mental problems was delayed severely by just being told to think positive, by my constant analysing my thoughts to make sure they were positive, and by my feeling phobic of any of my normal so-called 'negative' emotions (basically anyhting besides happiness, excitement and relaxation). Rather than worrying and just letting the worry pass, or being angry and just letting the anger pass, or being sad and letting it pass and going through normal grief... I'd compound all these feelings by feeling like I shouldn't be having them.

IMO one of the things that really prolongs unhappiness is being unhappy about being unhappy. Feeling like it's wrong to be unhappy and only right to feel happy. That just adds an extra layer of unhappiness and trying to force yourself into happiness will only make you unhappy.

Fantastic thread, Vic.

[Thumpalumpacus]

There are times when my unhappiness is indeed my own fault. It behooves me to recognize my responsibility in those cases so that I can repair the issue. I find that changing my outlook makes it easier for me to be happy, and I'd rather be happy than unhappy. It's not a cure-all, and I don't have a phobia of negative emotions.

Of course this could be the case as well. But it's a problem in specific cases.

In the video I linked, Susan David talks about her friend, diagnosed with cancer and her experiences with people telling her to be positive. She says it made her angry and unable to authentically deal with her emotions regarding her illness. David also speaks of her experience with her father, who was also diagnosed with cancer when she was a teenager and the constant advice of 'just think positively and everything will turn out to be ok' made it hard for them as a family to adequately process the situation.

This type of thinking could also become problematic for example with people suffering from depression, making them feel responsible for their own illness and 'wrong' for not feeling happy, because they - it implies - don't try hard enough to think positively.



I'm finding it hard to articulate what I mean so I'm not sure if I'm getting across what I want to. I strongly suggest seeing the first video I linked at least, it explains the idea more clearly than I can word it.

Because of where I live, I can't watch the videos right now. You're making your points well, though, and I'm following what you're saying.

I think the key is remembering that every human is a unique individual and we each have different ways of processing stress, grief, worry, and so on. For me, I find that focusing on what's right rather than wrong works. For others, they may pursue a different approach. It's all good.

[brewer]

Sorry, don't see any tyranny. I will wish happiness on anyone that I want. I won't try to make them happy or berate them for not being happy. They can be negative/depressed/sad all they want. I just can't live that way, or more correctly, live that way any more. 

This won't stop me from making suggestions/observations. The choice is theirs.

[Longhorn]

Sorry, don't see any tyranny. I will wish happiness on anyone that I want. I won't try to make them happy or berate them for not being happy. They can be negative/depressed/sad all they want. I just can't live that way, or more correctly, live that way any more. 

This won't stop me from making suggestions/observations. The choice is theirs.

It's not that people should live their lives being sad or not striving towards happiness. The point is that (a) it's ok and human to feel other, negative feelings and pushing them away is unhealthy, and there is a widespread mentality that it should be done and (b) another part of that mentality is that bad things in life can be fixed with just thinking positively. I mean, some can, but there are a lot that can't, see the cancer example, and that kind of advice brings the person down even more. It can make them feel responsible for their situation, which is often not the case.

Wishing someone happiness is not the same, it's a good thing. Telling someone to not feel their grief and think positively in some situations can be damaging. This isn't necessarily the same aa trying to cheer someone up.

The tyranny part also refers to the broadly held belief that if you are happy with your life you need to be positive 24/7, which is simply impossible.