Cisgender vs Non-Binary

These terms are relatively new to me, and I never had to think under which label might I fall into, based on their definitions, until recently.

I have male and female friends, and there’s a variety of things I share with both genders. I am not as masculine as my male friends, who like sports, hate shopping, don’t care about aesthetics, more stoic, hate cooking, are not as nurturing, while sharing aspects considered traditionally female, like taking a very active nurturing role in parenting, enjoying shopping for myself and for my wife, picking out handbags, cooking, being open about my feelings. In fact for the most part I feel more comfortable with my female friends than my male friends, probably has to do with being raised primarily by my mom, and with having two sisters.

While when I was younger I had a more androgynous look, where I idolized prince. As I grew older I preferred the more masculine, rugged appearance, dad fashion. I am also both aggressive and assertive, and straightforward more like my male friends than girl friends.

Based solely on appearance I look like a traditional cisgender male, but on the inside I feel I can identify with some traditional components of each gender, while not relating to others.

Some people here poked fun at me for referring to myself as non-binary, by claiming that I sound more like a hipster than a non-binary, or sarcastically claiming that by my description  they’d also classify as non-binary.

If I strongly identified as non-binary, these comments would come off as very hateful, and bigoted. But since I’m not too well versed on the distinctions here, I take it as there could possibly be some truth to their implications, that I’m more of a confused cisgender male, as opposed to non-binary. I would like to hear from those who think I’m misusing the label, as to why they think that? I’m trying to understand what am I not getting about the non-binary cisgender distinction?

I did watch some videos of non-binary people, and it’s clear that we don’t look alike, but this doesn’t seem to be the dividing line from what I read.

I read a few article as well, and still came out thinking it’s an appropriate label for me.

Since I feel many people here perhaps know more about gender identities than I do, I’m hoping this is a good opportunity to explore the question more, and not misuse these labels, if that’s what I’ve been doing.

If you're non-binary, then you're non-binary. It doesn't matter what people think of that, and it doesn't matter if many others identify as such as well. You are who you are.

Why the hell do you want to label yourself? No label fits every occasion or situation.

(January 22, 2019 at 10:36 am)wyzas Wrote: Why the hell do you want to label yourself? No label fits every occasion or situation.

For the most part I don't care all that much about which label I fall under, life goes on just fine. My friends tend to view my more feminine aspects, as just part of my overall eccentric nature, and that seems okay to me. 

The only situations were it might matter to me, is if there's some rights or privileges extended to non-binary people such as myself, but not to cisgender people, particularly for conveniences. Like I might use my veteran card for discounts on groceries, because I am a veteran.

Damned few people truely fit the labels - and the ones that do, I suspect, go out of their way to do so.

I'm a man. I like like being a man, but I don't think I'm like most of my male friends. And there is the part in that last sentence that is the most important.
(I don't think I'm like them). In other words, I have this image in my mind that they are different from me. A couple of them are really into motorcycles and one can completely dissemble a motorcycle and put it back together again. I can work on an engine and replace a part, but I could care less about how fast my car goes or how many horsepowers it has.....................(used the word horsepowers incorrectly for comedy effect).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that men are different. We aren't this cookie cutter male race with all the same likes and dislikes.

I'm a single dude who has been with more beautiful women than a guy like myself has had the right to, but I have found that my life is so much more enjoyable on the whole when I'm single than compared to when I'm in a relationship. I have a son & grandchildren and enjoy a stress free life doing whatever I want, whenever I want, all the time. I am the envy of my married friends or so I like to think.

It's all about our perceptions of others. We're all in the same boat, on the same planet, living and trying to enjoy each day.
Don't get hung up on labels.

I'm a man who likes ballet. It's beautiful and pristine and the dancers are remarkable, but that is just the show. That's just the surface.
Ballet is pain and stretching your muscles beyond their breaking point. Ballet is broken toes and mangled feet and blisters that never really heal.
It's looking into a mirror while you stretch and preform to make every movement appear flawless. It's a never ending struggle to keep up appearances, while hiding the pain and anguish behind a smile.

It's also dedication and obsession with a single goal in mind. It's relentless and terrifying when you don't make it.

You don't have to label ballet as male or female. It's just human.
"I'm not one thing or the other. I come in too many flavors for one fucking spoon."

I raised my son as a single parent. I nurtured him and show him that being a man is so much more than being what you think a man is.
Being a man is caring for other people and stand up for yourself and for others. Being a man is not being afraid of what you like or who you like.
It's not about NOT having fear. We all are afraid, but you never let that fear stand in your way of doing what you need to do.

I don't care what other people may label me. I label myself as a man, a father, a writer, a construction worker and someone who sings his heart out in the shower.
I'm not your average dude, but maybe I am. Maybe you are the average man and everyone else is just trying to act like what they think men are supposed to be.

(January 22, 2019 at 10:56 am)Acrobat Wrote:

(January 22, 2019 at 10:36 am)wyzas Wrote: Why the hell do you want to label yourself? No label fits every occasion or situation.

For the most part I don't care all that much about which label I fall under, life goes on just fine. My friends tend to view my more feminine aspects, as just part of my overall eccentric nature, and that seems okay to me. 

The only situations were it might matter to me, is if there's some rights or privileges extended to non-binary people such as myself, but not to cisgender people, particularly for conveniences. Like I might use my veteran card for discounts on groceries, because I am a veteran.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

(January 22, 2019 at 2:12 pm)wyzas Wrote:

(January 22, 2019 at 10:56 am)Acrobat Wrote: For the most part I don't care all that much about which label I fall under, life goes on just fine. My friends tend to view my more feminine aspects, as just part of my overall eccentric nature, and that seems okay to me. 

The only situations were it might matter to me, is if there's some rights or privileges extended to non-binary people such as myself, but not to cisgender people, particularly for conveniences. Like I might use my veteran card for discounts on groceries, because I am a veteran.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Example: I want to help my wife in the lady's fitting room to decide what she should buy. The store prohibits cisgender men from being in the ladies room. If I'm asked to leave, by a sales associate, I will inform the person that I'm non-binary, to continue to remain in the ladies fitting room unchallenged.

Or if somehow I end up in prison, I might try and use my non-binary status to request I be transferred to a female prison, were I feel more comfortable and safer, than in a male prison.

Op, how 'bout you stop worrying and just be you? Do you care about your label that much? Fine. But i don't think many of us here do.

And when in doubt, just call yourself metrosexual and go have a spritzer. Easy peasy.

First off, you don't need to be in the changing room to help your wife pick out an outfit.
She can walk out to where you are and show you. This has never been an issue.