THat's a difficult one. People usually fall for cults hook line, and sinker, no matter how critically thinking they are. I've seen it myself.

I can't add much more to what has already been said, except that if you're the only one with an income in the family, be careful that your hard earned money isn't ending up in their pockets.

Welcome, btw.

Welcome to the site! It is certainly a tough spot that you find yourself in. My advice would be to stay true to you, stay true to what you believe. While you love her, you don't believe as she does, and hopefully you both will respect each other's boundaries. I've known couples who make it work, so hopefully, you both can. Think boundaries is key. The difficulty with a believer, of any religion, and his/her partner is not...is that the believer's world view starts to take on that of their religion. They live their religion, it's not really a 'hobby,' like playing tennis or something. So, just a friendly warning to not be surprised if her religion begins to pour over your whole marriage, in areas you might not have seen coming. I wish you good luck with all of this.

(March 19, 2014 at 6:12 pm)lordygb Wrote: Thanks for all advice guys....some good info...its tough and i sometimes feel i dont have the correct facts to counter her arguments although i know there all false..usually ending in a screaming match....

If she's not interested in listening I'm not sure there's a lot you can do short of continuing to chip away at her.

Perhaps you could read A Manual for Creating Atheists which, I think, is less about creating atheists than it is about having productive interactions with believers and generating cognitive dissonance in them (It's not a step-by-step manual). It's about using the Socratic method of questioning, finding their weak arguments and then focusing on those issues. It's about inoculation through small doses of argumentation, which might be the best way to approach the topic with your wife without it turning into a screaming match every night.

The author, Peter Boghossian, talks about focusing on the issue of faith and how it's not a valid method by which to test truth claims. If faith comes up in the conversation, don't let that issue drop without undermining it, even if it's only with a one-line zinger right before the conversation ends.

And welcome to AF!

Just read about all the flaws with her religion has and attack it till the end of time. Who knows she might crack some day. Don't attack it with aggression just keep debating everyday for years and years until it works. Or not.

(March 19, 2014 at 6:43 pm)tor Wrote: Just read about all the flaws with her religion has and attack it till the end of time. Who knows she might crack some day. Don't attack it with aggression just keep debating everyday for years and years until it works. Or not.

Doesn't work, especially on the new convert. All they do is sink further into the beliefs of the cult.

(March 19, 2014 at 6:49 pm)Beccs Wrote:

(March 19, 2014 at 6:43 pm)tor Wrote: Just read about all the flaws with her religion has and attack it till the end of time. Who knows she might crack some day. Don't attack it with aggression just keep debating everyday for years and years until it works. Or not.

Doesn't work, especially on the new convert. All they do is sink further into the beliefs of the cult.

Ok then fuck it.

(March 19, 2014 at 6:49 pm)Beccs Wrote: Doesn't work, especially on the new convert. All they do is sink further into the beliefs of the cult.

I agree. If you're really aggressive you can have the opposite effect to what you're intending and actually drive the person deeper into their beliefs.

Depending on what kinds of things they're being fed by their cohorts, you could be playing into the stereotype of the angry atheist (or whatever other stereotype you might fit into), or playing into their made-up persecution complex: "See? What did we tell you would happen? You're being persecuted, so we must be preaching the truth!" In either case, you could be affirming their expectations.

That's why Boghossian suggests small doses in non-confrontational conversations - you can sneakily undermine their claims and introduce cognitive dissonance without (hopefully) getting them to auger in and refuse to have the conversation again.

Your marriage is at stake. Tread carefully. You might want to see if you can get her interested in something else that's harmless and offers communtiy rather than attacking her beliefs. Address the actual problems that her behavior is causing.

Hey OP, welcome. Sounds like a really shit scenario, and I don't have any experience in it so I'm not going to give any advice, other than to say hope you stick around here. Maybe others can help you where I cannot. Indeed, seems like a few already have.

Hope you work it out, mate.

AGHHHHGHHHHH shrs on it again ........"im not going to die" ......."get over it im not ever gonna get a job".....aghgghgghhhhh furious mad........venting sorry...i fucking hate religion bollox...fuck em..aghghhvh.........cant afford it...dont wanna but may have to bail out...aghhghggg...fucking fuming.............thanks for letting me vent