The path to enlightenment is easier than people think. It doesn't involve pondering, isolating yourself in caves for long periods of time, seeking out spiritual guidance or praising various deities with hopes of being spared from pain through servitude.

The answer is simple. Eat people. What? I'm not joking. My life was shit right up until I started eating people and once I did it got a whole helluva lot better.

You see, when you eat people their experiences and knowledge seep into your being which always you to gain wisdom without having to earn it through decades of discovery. It provides a level of pragmatism unmatched in comparison to non-cannibals. Plus, having other people's knowledge just makes life so much easier. You don't have to spend years and years in school studying or obeying a master of some sorts. Instead you can simply eat the master and reap his wisdom for dinner.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Bullshit. On what grounds can you make such a claim. I highly, highly doubt any one of you has ever eaten another human being so you can't possibly argue against my discovery, because you've never experienced it for yourself. You won't find documents or research papers concerning cannibalism, because everyone is too chickenshit to see the light!

If you'd like to know more feel free to contact me. Maybe we can even get together so that you can indulge me with your wisdom on the matter. oh...oh! I didn't mean by eating you of course, I meant discussing matters through cival conversation. Atm I'm full.

I've always been fascinated by cannibalism. I have to admit that I'm skeptical about the benefits that you claim for it, but I'm willing to give it a try and be disproved.

What really interests me, though, are questions like:

- What does human flesh taste like? Is it really a sort of mild pork-like flavour?

- What are the best recipes for cooking people? What herbs and spices go best with human flesh?

- And of course: what wine do you serve with it?

Gastronomically yours,

Caecilian

(May 12, 2010 at 3:05 pm)Caecilian Wrote: I've always been fascinated by cannibalism. I have to admit that I'm skeptical about the benefits that you claim for it, but I'm willing to give it a try and be disproved.

What really interests me, though, are questions like:

- What does human flesh taste like? Is it really a sort of mild pork-like flavour?

- What are the best recipes for cooking people? What herbs and spices go best with human flesh?

- And of course: what wine do you serve with it?

Gastronomically yours,

Caecilian

I'll try to answer as best I can, although I've fallen prey to bad habits like eating raw meat and cooking limbs in the microwave. It's just hard to find the time to properly cook humans.

Humans get tough and stringy with age. It is best to eat young men at the age of 15-25 years olds where as females between the ages 18 - 30 are more tender and less filling. Taste wise, it's better than chicken, but not as sweet as lobster. It's a very rewarding taste, but I wouldn't say humans are the best tasting meat.

You don't want to eat fat people. It's unhealthy and it fills your mind with depressing experiences. However, I wouldn't recommend eating real thin folk either. Part of it's about preference. I prefere a male boy around 150-180lbs or a female between 110-145lbs. You don't want them too skinny, because they won't have much meat and it's difficult to cook them without drying them out.

Here's a couple recipes for your consideration:
Corned Human and Cabbage

One 3-pound human brisket, soaked in brine
2 Tbsp allspice
8 whole cloves
4 bay leaves
Assorted vegetables (carrots, squash, bell peppers, eggplant, onions, etc.)
Freshly ground black pepper

preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place the corned human in a colander in the sink and rinse well under cold running water. Place the corned human in a large Dutch Oven with a tight-fitting lid; add the water, bay leaves, peppercorns, allspice and cloves. Bring to a boil, uncovered, and skim off any scum (many humans are full of scum). Cover and place in oven, then braise until tender, about 4 hours. Remove meat to a cutting board and cover with foil to keep warm. Add vegetables to cooking liquids and bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer for about 20 minutes. Carve the human into thin slices and serve with the vegetables.


Stewed Belly Looks tasty!Human Stew
Vegetable oil, for searing
2 1/2 pounds shoulder meat, cut into 2-inch cubes
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 medium onions, cut into 6ths
5 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1/3 cup all-purpose flour, or to cover
10 cups cold water, or chicken or human broth, homemade or low-sodium canned
6 sprigs parsley
6 sprigs fresh thyme
1 1/4 pounds medium red potatoes, quartered
4 medium carrots, cut into 2-inch pieces
2 celery stalks, cut into 2-inch pieces
7 canned whole, peeled tomatoes, lightly crushed
2 to 3 teaspoons red wine vinegar, or to taste

Try those out. Like I said, I don't often proper human meat properly so my repotoire of recipes is limited. Just experiment. Your best bet is to try substituting pig meat with human meat since pig genetics roughly resemble humans which means that the ingrediants will mesh together more or less the same.

FYI: Humans make for an AWESOME thanksgiving dinner if you're one of those people that gets together with a huge ass family. Instead of having to buy multiple turkeys or go huntng for that elusive Big Bird all you need do is catch yourself an unloved human and that's all you'll need.

(Oh, and be sure to eat the brain and organs. THat's essential for enlightment. Brain and heart mixed with stuffing is mmm mm good).

I like the sound of the human stew. Will give it a try the next time I murder someone. The brains and heart could be pureed and made into a nice soup as a starter course. I'm thinking of something with garlic, red and green peppers, chili, tomato, chick peas and red wine- plus the puree of human.

Theres one thing that bothers me, though. You say that you gain their knowledge and experiences through eating the brains and heart. That sounds great, but what about stuff like their personality, their beliefs, their neuroses and so on? I sure wouldn't want to turn into some kind of born-again type after killing and eating a fundie.

(May 12, 2010 at 3:55 pm)Caecilian Wrote: I like the sound of the human stew. Will give it a try the next time I murder someone. The brains and heart could be pureed and made into a nice soup as a starter course. I'm thinking of something with garlic, red and green peppers, chili, tomato, chick peas and red wine- plus the puree of human.

Theres one thing that bothers me, though. You say that you gain their knowledge and experiences through eating the brains and heart. That sounds great, but what about stuff like their personality, their beliefs, their neuroses and so on? I sure wouldn't want to turn into some kind of born-again type after killing and eating a fundie.

It's a bit difficult to explain. Upon eating their hearts and minds you'll begin to have a very subjective experience. You may start to hallucinate and laugh for no reason, much like taking a powerful drug. However, you'll fall into a deep rest and all in a single sleep you will witness the entirity of that person's life. It's like watching a movie accept you're experiencing the movie. You will more or less automatically sort out what's useful experience and what isn't. You're aware of the process, but it moves so fast and dream like that it doesn't really feel real.

So, in short, you basically get to pick and choose which experiences you want to remember. You won't attain any personality traits or genetic behaviours, but your personality may indeed change based on the vast array of new experiences you've collected.

I recommend starting with a very young human first so that you won't be overwhelmed by the rush of new experiences. Try starting off with a 6 month old baby or if you're worried about convience you can snatch a toddler from day care. Make sure to moisten them up while cooking them. If you cut them up just right you can probably cook em up like ribs either by using a BBQ or boiling them in a pot. In fact, come to think of it, rib sauce goes good with them as well.

(May 12, 2010 at 4:03 pm)John_S3V Wrote: I recommend starting with a very young human first so that you won't be overwhelmed by the rush of new experiences. Try starting off with a 6 month old baby or if you're worried about convience you can snatch a toddler from day care. Make sure to moisten them up while cooking them. If you cut them up just right you can probably cook em up like ribs either by using a BBQ or boiling them in a pot. In fact, come to think of it, rib sauce goes good with them as well.

Thanks for the great advice. I'll try a young 'un first. And here was me sharpening the cleaver in preparation for a 'social call' on my annoying neighbour!

I'd guess that you'd want a pretty strong sauce to go with a baby. Not much flavour otherwise. BBQ sounds good, but I might try something along the lines of human baby char siu:

4-6 servings

•Human baby, boneless -- 2-3 pounds
•Hoisin sauce -- 3/4 cup
•Soy sauce -- 1/2 cup
•Rice wine or dry sherry -- 1/2 cup
•Honey -- 1/3 cup
•Sugar -- 1 tablespoon
Method
1.Slice baby into strips about 2 inches wide and 5 inches long.
2.In a large bowl, mix together the hoisin, soy sauce, rice wine or sherry, honey and sugar. Add the baby strips and marinate for at least 2 hours, preferably overnight.
3.Preheat oven to 425°F. Add a rack to a roasting pan and fill the pan with water to come just below the rack. Wipe any excess marinade from the baby and line the strips up neatly in the roasting pan.
4.Place the pan in the oven and roast for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 325°F and roast for another 30-40 minutes, turning and basting frequently with the remaining marinade or with peanut or sesame oil.
5.Cut into bite-sized pieces and serve.

Should be delicious!

I've just read this entire thread and maybe I don't get the joke or perhaps I'm behind the times and not 'with it', but I have to say that I find the whole thing quite abhorrent.

In fact I've got a good mind to delete the whole thing and ban you both.

I mean, come on, Bay Leaves? Yuk!!!!

If God didn't want us to eat humans he wouldn't have made us of meat.

I've decided to become and unorthodox vegan. I just can't stand the suffering of the innocent animals anymore. At least humans put up a fight. In the cases where I take down a human before he knows what's coming I feel no guilt, because it's his fault for being so negligent of his surroundings.

Killing animals is like killing retards! No, I refuse to be dishonored this way. Plus, they offer absolutely no enlightenment. The only experiences they have to offer is pooping and eating.

I shall now dedicate my life to eating only humans, vegitables, beans and grains!