The last person to post wins !

[vorlon13]

More like nIb'poH

[Ben Davis]

...erm...

...first?

[vorlon13]

Looking at Quindaropedia, I noticed that there's an undefined portion of the Grand Unified Alan list. Well, now's the perfect time to rectify that, and balance out the genders a bit more.

The eleventh Grand Unified Alan of Alanland was Alana Day, who ruled benevolently (and even attempted to end the secret war with Nimbya, secretly of course, which means the media reported about nothing else) until toppled in a coup.

The twelfth Grand Unified Alan of Alanland was Alana Day II, Alana Day's evil clone (though not as evil as the Null Alan), who resumed the secret war, put the goats into slavery, and decreed that all who opposed her would be tortured by men with very cold hands. She was overthrown in a peaceful yet violent revolution. The only reason she isn't stricken from the record is because it is feared that she will return in force with a clone army from the depths of Lake Unerie.

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

Wow you really have no competition except me.
You're lucky i ran out of internet :=D

[Longhorn]

:=D

you have something in your face O_o

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

IS IT A SPIDER

[vorlon13]

The exchange rate between the dollar and thaler results in odd fractions when converting from one to the other. Alanland's most successful white-collar criminal, a red-bearded computer programmer known as Rufus T. Alberich, wrote conversion software in the 1980's for several large banks in Alanland (First National, Alanland Savings & Trust, et al.) and coded it to use unapproved conversion factors which differed from the true and legally mandated ones by several hundredths of an Alanland cent, and move the difference into an account he controlled at an offshore bank. By the time he was caught around 1990, this account had several million Alanland dollars in it. He was prosecuted but a technical issue involving the admissibility of data tape evidence was appealed to the Alanland Supreme Court, which issued a writ of certiorari saying that they might or might not hear the appeal, and in the meantime staying disposition of the case. The trial judge refused to dismiss the jury, instead ordering the jurors held in sequestration indefinitely at a motel which was later bought by the Alanland Department of Justice and renamed "Jurors Motel." Jurors were (and still are) allowed conjugal visits, and as a result several have raised children from infancy to completion of bachelor's degrees, all at the expense of the Alanland taxpayer since they cannot work while sequestered. In the meantime, in 1995 Alberich applied to the then Grand Unified Alan--himself a former president of First National--for a pardon. He was issued a document which had the key phrase "Bearer may or may not be pardoned" under the title "PLENARY PARDON." Dozy border guards, reading the title but not the body text, allowed him to leave for a comfortable retirement in Bermuda.

[ignoramus]

[/url]

[vorlon13]

FROM APR NEWS IN QUINDARO, I'M ALAN PLACE.

A CONTROVERSIAL BILL TO REPLACE THE NUMBERWANG WITH GOATS AS ALANLAND'S OFFICIAL CURRENCY WAS DEFEATED IN THE FRACTIONAL PARLIAMENT TODAY... THE BILL, WHICH HAD BEEN PUSHED FOR BY GRAND ALAN CORCORAN WAS DEFEATED BY A MARGIN OF 33-15 IN FRACTIONAL PARLIAMENT. FRACTIONAL WARBLER JEAN LAGASP: (FILE TAPE) "This is a fine day for all the working-class goats out there...who don't have to see a day when their children get folded up or stuck into a vending machine. Truly a great day for Alanland." THE GRAND ALAN COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR COMMENT, BUT HIS OFFICE RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING "WELL, NOW WE WON'T HAVE A POT TO PEE IN" AND THAT 33 DOESN'T EVEN EXIST MOST OF THE TIME.

HIGHWAY IMPROVEMENTS ARE COMING TO ROUTE 63 IN PFAFFPP OBLAST... alanDOT IS USING THAT STRETCH OF HIGHWAY TO TEST NEW GUIDE SIGNS THAT ARE 30% MORE RED THAN BEFORE... DRIVERS ARE REMINDED THAT NO MATTER HOW APPEALING THE NEW SHADE OF RED MAY LOOK, THEY SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO EAT, BITE, SUCK ON, OR LICK THE NEW SIGNS, AS THEY ARE MADE OF METAL, WHICH IS NOT COMPATIBLE WITH SUCH ACTIVITIES, AND COULD CAUSE A TRAFFIC HAZARD.

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IS DENYING REPORTS THAT A LARGE GLOWING CLOUD MAY AFFECT THE WEATHER IN THE NEXT TWENTY-FOUR TO FORTY-EIGHT HOURS... WE FIGURE THEY MUST BE RIGHT, SINCE THEY ARE THE EXPERTS, AFTER ALL, AND THEY MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THE WEATHER GOATS.

ALANLAND UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL COACH MARTIN McMARTY FACES ALLEGATIONS OF WATCHING BASKETBALL...WHICH IS NOT THE SPORT THAT HE COACHES. IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH APR COACH McMARTY EXPRESSED CONFUSION AS TO WHY FOOTBALL PLAYERS WEAR STRANGE SPANDEX PANTS WHILE BASKETBALL PLAYERS GET ALONG JUST FINE WITH SHORTS...AND WANTED TO KNOW WHY THERE WASN'T ONE STANDARD UNIFORM FOR ALL SPORTS. McMARTY ALSO NOTED THAT YOU COULD REASONABLY BE SEEN SOMEPLACE LIKE PFANGLE WITH A BASKETBALL UNIFORM ON BUT WITH A FOOTBALL UNIFORM YOU'D JUST LOOK SILLY. THE GRAND ALAN RESPONDED TO McMARTY'S COMMENTS BY APPOINTING HIM THE HEAD OF THE SPORTS UNIFORM STANDARDIZATION COMMISSION, WHOSE REPORT ON THE SUBJECT IS DUE OUT IN SIX MONTHS OR SEVENTEEN METERS, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST.

CONTINUING OUR SPORTS COVERAGE, HERE ARE THE SCORES FROM THIS WEEKEND'S GAMES...IN BASEBALL, NINE, THREE, SEVEN, EIGHT, ONE, ZERO, ZERO, FOUR, THREE, THREE, TWO, ZERO. IN PRESEASON FOOTBALL, 14, 22, 9, 11, 0, 21, 56, 42, 14, 7, 16, 8, 10, 2, -32,767.

AN UPDATE ON A DEVELOPING STORY WE BROUGHT TO YOU LAST HOUR... THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE DISHWASHERS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED... BECAUSE THEY HAVE APPARENTLY NEVER ACTUALLY WASHED A LOAD OF DISHES, BASED UPON HOW THEY SET UP THE RACKS THAT YOU PUT DISHES ON. ALSO, THE PEOPLE WHO INSTALL DISHWASHERS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED... BECAUSE THEY ARE APPARENTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR A PHENOMENON KNOWN AS "WASHER TILT", WHERE THE DISHWASHER SUDDENLY SHIFTS FORWARD... AND EXPELS THE PLATES ONTO THE FLOOR. MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS.

THIS IS APR NEWS.

[Jackalope]

You feeling OK, v?