Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Fireball]

CIJS,

I think I've come to the end of my journey in mathematics: as I've dug deeper into the subject, I've realized just how tiny I am compared to the great mathematical minds of history and the current, brilliant math minds in the field.  As a result, while I'm grateful for the knowledge that I've gained (initially, I only wanted to learn calculus 1 and gain some kind of an understanding of it ),  I've finally accepted that I don't have the brains to accel and grow at math: any kind of continued mathematical study on my part, would only amount to a hobby, and realistically, I lack the brilliance, originality, and talent to be somebody in the math field; I'm somewhat disappointed in myself for being arrogant enough to think that I could be one of these people.     
 
Well, with that said, I'd like  to apologize to all of the math aficionados on this forum for all of my math related posts here: I sincerely hope that my ideas and posts were not too elementary and vacuous .

No, you're doing fine. I read where one can tell a real mathematician by looking at the amount of balled up paper in the waste basket. Or something to that effect. At one time I had the idea that I could improve on Einstein's work. It took less than one semester as a physics major for me to realize what a grandiose idea that was. Also, when I took junior level E&M class, we had a homework problem that was a real toughie. The prof said that this was no surprise, as it was some physicist's master's thesis. So, now it's now a problem in a textbook that is given out for a junior-level university student's homework? Are we any smarter than that guy? Hell, no. But we get to stand on the shoulders of giants! FWIW, I think you are probably ahead of me in the level of proofs you can handle. No regrets, man!

[Cyberman]

Well I came out like everyone says I have to, and I'm here and I'm still on my own. At least there's cake.

[Losty]

Well I came out like everyone says I have to, and I'm here and I'm still on my own. At least there's cake.

Well go up to someone and make conversation. You can do it!

Also, I love cake

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

I wanted to take the time to thank Grandizer, Pocaracas, and Fireball for their thoughtful posts.  With your help, I've been reminded that, in attempting to gain mastery in any particular domain of study, it is crucial is to truly enjoy the material and to practice and develop oneself as much as possible.  Hence, maybe I'll attain some kind of mastery in math or maybe I won't, but either way, I will continue to have fun with the subject, and I will truly enjoy those occasions where I can partake in helping someone experience that wonderful  "aha" moment when tackling a tricky math concept.

[Seraphina]

Well I came out like everyone says I have to, and I'm here and I'm still on my own. At least there's cake.

Why is there cake? Does that happen often when you go out?

-Teresa

[J a c k]

CIJS
I don’t want her to help me. I don’t want to meet her and accept a stranger’s help in this, because she owes you favors. Fuck that. I always manage on my own. I get things done on my own. I don’t want people helping me because they owe other people fucken favors, or because she’s your friend. I don’t want help. I don’t want people spending time in my business. I always get myself through shit and I will get to the finish line. I’ve gotten this far basically on my own. I won’t call her. I won’t say you sent me. I won’t do it. Call me proud. Whatever.

And if I could really just say what I’m thinking and get away with it...
I’d fucken cancel this weekend.

[Fireball]

CIJS
I don’t want her to help me. I don’t want to meet her and accept a stranger’s help in this, because she owes you favors. Fuck that. I always manage on my own. I get things done on my own. I don’t want people helping me because they owe other people fucken favors, or because she’s your friend. I don’t want help. I don’t want people spending time in my business. I always get myself through shit and I will get to the finish line. I’ve gotten this far basically on my own. I won’t call her. I won’t say you sent me. I won’t do it. Call me proud. Whatever.

And if I could really just say what I’m thinking and get away with it...
I’d fucken cancel this weekend.

Independent little cuss, ain'tcha?

[Ravenshire]

CIJS,

I think I've come to the end of my journey in mathematics: as I've dug deeper into the subject, I've realized just how tiny I am compared to the great mathematical minds of history and the current, brilliant math minds in the field.  As a result, while I'm grateful for the knowledge that I've gained (initially, I only wanted to learn calculus 1 and gain some kind of an understanding of it ),  I've finally accepted that I don't have the brains to accel and grow at math: any kind of continued mathematical study on my part, would only amount to a hobby, and realistically, I lack the brilliance, originality, and talent to be somebody in the math field; I'm somewhat disappointed in myself for being arrogant enough to think that I could be one of these people.     
 
Well, with that said, I'd like  to apologize to all of the math aficionados on this forum for all of my math related posts here: I sincerely hope that my ideas and posts were not too elementary and vacuous .

(emphasis is mine)

Don't be disappointed in aiming at the stars and hitting the mountain top instead. Most never aim higher than their feet.

But, since you've decided not to be a world renowned mathematician, you can hone that voice and get busy on some audio books!

[J a c k]

Oh shit. That moment when you actually say the CIJS thing in real life.

[J a c k]

One more thing...

To all of you. Not just that one. ALL of you. Don’t mistake my awkwardness with weakness. I’m far greater than I ever tell.

Don’t think you’re throwing bones at me. I don’t need them. After everything I’ve managed to kill inside me, and everything I’ve created, you want to come here and act like I fucken need your approval. Bitch, I done it. Ship has sailed, mama. I got it! When I get to that finish line you’ll be there thinking it was thanks to you, but you did not grow up being me. You did not have to kill a fucken preacher in your head to live every minute of my life. You did not have to convince yourself every fucken day that no! They’re lying! You’re not destined to hell, and the god did not make you just to send you there. You did not have to get up, get healthy, and learn to trust humans again and again after humans left you to die again and again and then other humans told you it was your fucken sin! And you did not spend a decade hearing what an ugly and stupid shit you are the way I did, resonating with everything you ever learned your whole entire fucken life. Two fucken years I’ve been free and during those two years I was attacked, followed, broken into (broken into!), and harassed, yet look at me now! Look at me! I survived that shit and I’m at the best place of my entire life and when I fucken say I can do this shit, shut the fuck up and let me do it! I can handle my business. I don’t want to impress you. I impress myself every single fucken day. Don’t treat me like I’m broken without your hand to rebuild me. You’re showing up when I’m putting up the last brick and want to pretend I fucken neeeeeed you? Get outta here. I’m whole as fuck and I don’t need condescending people, no controlling people, nobody to lead me down this path I paved my fucken self.

And don’t wink at me when I get something right. I might fuck up a lot, but that’s only because I live my life intensly, deeply, profoundly and I take matters into my own hands. I don’t wait. I jump. So for every fuck up you see, I’m counting many many more triumphs. The greatest of them being that I’m actually taking leaps. I rather fall because I jumped than sit around watching others live and criticize.

Get it right, yo. This... THIS. This might not look like a lot to you yet, but I see the bigger picture. If after everything that was beaten into my head since I was six, if after everything I left behind, I’ve gotten this far in two years... I’m one helluva woman and I’ll climb way higher and your little condescending smile and nod can go fuck themselves.