I may need advice

[binny]

First let me start by saying I have a 16 year old son with Asperger's Syndrome. I live in a mid sized town and to find support is difficult so you take it when you can get it. A few months ago I was invited to a group of mom's that have kids in the autism spectrum or other developmental disabilities. The group meets once a week. I was told that it's supported by some church, but everyone is welcome (meaning you don't have to belong to that church). I went with my eyes open. Now the group is a good resource for autism related things for my son, but they are an extremely churchy group of women. They pray and they think the invisible man in the sky is in charge of everything. They are a nice group of women and they have no idea I'm an atheist. Usually when they pray I either just sit there and drink my coffee or get up and go to the bathroom. Non of them have noticed I'm not praying with them. I feel like I'm deceiving them by not telling them I'm an atheist, but they never asked me either. I know that once they find out I will be treated differently, especially by a few in particular that are really churchy. I'm just wondering if I should tell any of them or not, or should I just leave it alone until someone asks me what church I go to. What would you do?

Thanks for your response in advance.
Tammy

[Kyuuketsuki]

The nearest thing right now I can liken this to is an Alcoholics Anonymous group which even in the UK are church run in many instances and part of the program is to "acknowledge a higher power" ... I guess I'd have to be open and say what I was and the only "higher power" I could acknowledge would be the support of friends, family & professionals.

Hmm ... guess I'd better not become an alcoholic then.

Kyu

[leo-rcc]

Difficult issue. Here in the Netherlands virtually all those support groups are secular so it doesn't play a part here so I can't give advice on it. You could do what I do at work where my boss is also a bible study teacher (but thankfully not a creationist) which basically means we know each others position on religion but we don't talk about religion to each other at all. We both never bring the topic up. Having an ocean between us does help I admit.

I have no doubt some will treat you differently when they find out. You could argue that it is their loss and not yours, but that doesn't help much. Speaking only for myself I could never lie about not believing either so for me there wouldn't be much of a choice.

[Darwinian]

I suspect they already know or at least suspect but are too polite to mention it, at least that would be how I hope it would be.

The next time they have their little prayer session simply sit there and wait for them to finish and if they do ask you which church you go to or why you aren't praying just tell them that you are not religious.

Then you could say something like, "I'm sorry, would you like me to leave?" in a very innocent and apologetic tone.

The response should of course be, "Of course not, don't be silly." in unison.

That way, they know your not religious but have still welcomed and accepted you into the group.

[Eilonnwy]

It's really up to you and how you feel about the group. If you get something out of it and can ignore the religious aspects and everything is fine as is, then continue as is.

If not being honest about how you feel bothers you too much, be honest and let them know. If they respond negatively, they are assholes. If not, then you continue and not feel you're lying.

If you can't get past the religious aspects, start looking for a non-religious group (or start you own if there isn't one) and just leave.

It really comes down to how tolerant you are and they are. I personally would go to a group with a religious angle and look somewhere else.

[binny]

Thanks everyone for your reply's. I'm going to leave it alone for now. I don't go every week so I think I may be able to stand it for a short while longer. There is one woman who I enjoy talking to and I think she will be understanding, but there are others who have Jesus bubbling under the surface and I know they will look at me differently and try to convert me if they found out I'm rational. The information I sometimes get is worth it for the most part. It's when they start their god gush that makes me crazy. I just don't get how grown people can believe in the invisible man. It's like believing in Santa Claus. It's infantile, sorry no offense to anyone who may be lurking around wanting to convert.

Tammy

[Ace Otana]

I just don't get how grown people can believe in the invisible man. It's like believing in Santa Claus. It's infantile, sorry no offense to anyone who may be lurking around wanting to convert.

Tammy

Many of us see it as just that. I often wonder how they can be fooled into believing in that crap.
Belief in a god is no differant from a belief in santa claus. That's how I see it anyway.
If you replace the word "god" with "santa claus" or "The easter bunny" you'd see just how delusional it really is, and theists wonder why we don't in it believe.

[fr0d0]

I think the group will know your beliefs too. You say they're "churchy" but usually I find these people shy away from real exploration and will be happy that you don't question so much. To me those people are undesirables because of their wooliness. The supreme denial of logic. All that said, you're shared interest isn't religion here. Why should you need exclusively people of your own beliefs? (pointing the finger at myself here too) It might be comforting but it's overly principled IMHO.

[binny]

I think the group will know your beliefs too. You say they're "churchy" but usually I find these people shy away from real exploration and will be happy that you don't question so much. To me those people are undesirables because of their wooliness. The supreme denial of logic. All that said, you're shared interest isn't religion here. Why should you need exclusively people of your own beliefs? (pointing the finger at myself here too) It might be comforting but it's overly principled IMHO.

Well I don't need people exclusively with my own beliefs. That's unrealistic in this town where there is a church on almost every corner (next to the bar). I just feel like I'm living a lie by going to a christian group, even tho the focus is autism, and not being honest about who I am. That being said they have never asked me what my religion is or what church I go to. I can't wait for that question

[LEDO]

What church? Tell them you are a non-practicing Unitarian. Most people don't know shit about it, and those that do will know you are not religious. Since many Unitarians are also atheists, you are in reality not telling a lie.