No more booze? What name would/do you go by?

[Duty]

I'm recently committedly off the poison and am SOMEWHAT on the fence about how to describe the status of being a...teetotal? Recovering alcoholic? I think the term I currently prefer is "ex-alcoholic" but I've never heard it used before - because it doesn't make sense to call somebody who never drinks as having a drinking problem, so "recovering alcoholic" seems inappropriate. "My name's Jim and I'm an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink for 25 years and am doing fine" - that makes no sense to me. An alcoholic is somebody with a drink problem. Somebody who simply doesn't drink alcohol and is a OK = no drink problem and therefore no kind of alcoholic. Thoughts?

ETA: I guessed this is the right forum as psychology primarily and therefore bio-science ultimately...

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I’m an alcoholic. If I live another 50 years and never touch a drop, I’ll still be an alcoholic.

Alcoholism isn’t about the drinking as much as how the drinking affects you.

Boru

[arewethereyet]

Boru is correct...my family tree is dripping with alcoholics and has been for generations. Even when mom decides to be dry for a while she's still an alcoholic and one drink is all it will take to send her on an immediate downward spiral...she is, after all, someone who has thought on more than one occasion that a rubbing alcohol and milk cocktail would do just dandy for a buzz.

You can call yourself whatever you want...whatever works for you.

I don't drink. I quit about 30 years ago and not because I have an issue with drink. It's just not my thing and I have seen it ruin too many lives...including one dead husband thanks to drink and drugs. Funny thing is that when I turn down the offer of a drink I usually have to explain that I don't drink and then the assumption is that I have a problem.

I try to get by with a "no thank you" or "just a soda please" response.

[Angrboda]

And patterns of thinking about behavior persist even after the behavior is stopped. I'm a hoarder. For a number of years I had it under control. But returning to the behavior showed me that while I was not acting like a hoarder, my thinking and values hadn't really changed.

[arewethereyet]

And patterns of thinking about behavior persist even after the behavior is stopped.  I'm a hoarder.  For a number of years I had it under control.  But returning to the behavior showed me that while I was not acting like a hoarder, my thinking and values hadn't really changed.

I get this.  Though I am not a hoarder I have a thing where if I get one of a set of something, then I think I have to have the whole thing.  For instance, if I read a book and like it I think I have to have every book in the series or every book by that author even if that one book was their best effort.  There were a few things getting out of hand a few years ago but I am much better about it now.  I have learned a little restraint though it wasn't an easy lesson.

Lately, since my passion for sewing returned, it's hard not to buy all the nifty gadgets that didn't exist when I was sewing a lot before.  And there are a LLLOOOTTTTT of nifty new gadgets.  While I have given in to buy a few things since my projects are different now, I have also learned that some of my old tools serve the purpose quite nicely.

Due to my previous "I have to have one of each" mindset, I have pretty much every color of embroidery thread there is.  That comes in handy now and again but there's no one in my family who wants all this crap when I die.  Know anyone who wants about a zillion buttons?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

And patterns of thinking about behavior persist even after the behavior is stopped.  I'm a hoarder.  For a number of years I had it under control.  But returning to the behavior showed me that while I was not acting like a hoarder, my thinking and values hadn't really changed.

Bingo lolly. When people find out I gave up drinking, a common question is, ‘Do you miss it?’ and the answer is, ‘Every goddam day.’

I haven’t given up alcoholism, I’ve given up the behaviours associated with it.

Boru

[Fireball]

And patterns of thinking about behavior persist even after the behavior is stopped.  I'm a hoarder.  For a number of years I had it under control.  But returning to the behavior showed me that while I was not acting like a hoarder, my thinking and values hadn't really changed.

I get this.  Though I am not a hoarder I have a thing where if I get one of a set of something, then I think I have to have the whole thing.  For instance, if I read a book and like it I think I have to have every book in the series or every book by that author even if that one book was their best effort.  There were a few things getting out of hand a few years ago but I am much better about it now.  I have learned a little restraint though it wasn't an easy lesson.

Lately, since my passion for sewing returned, it's hard not to buy all the nifty gadgets that didn't exist when I was sewing a lot before.  And there are a LLLOOOTTTTT of nifty new gadgets.  While I have given in to buy a few things since my projects are different now, I have also learned that some of my old tools serve the purpose quite nicely.

Due to my previous "I have to have one of each" mindset, I have pretty much every color of embroidery thread there is.  That comes in handy now and again but there's no one in my family who wants all this crap when I die.  Know anyone who wants about a zillion buttons?

My wife quilts. She has probably at least a cubic yard of fabric; there is probably any color you can name in there somewhere. Same for thread. She has seven sewing machines, one of which she won in some contest, and has never even opened the box. She's also a hoarder.

BoT, an alcoholic is an alcoholic, (as mentioned) whether they are currently drinking or not. It doesn't really define anyone beyond that fact, though. IMO

[Duty]

OK - so defining an "alcoholic"....if somebody repeatedly gets into trouble with the police when drunk, say, on average 6 times a month, but denies they are an alcoholic, is it fair to denote them an alcoholic nevertheless? If not, then surely there is no objective measure/diagnostic criteria for alcoholism, and in that case it is perfectly sensible to describe oneself (as, to be fair, AWTY already pointed out it would seem) an ex-alcoholic, smurf, teeingoffshot, leprechaun (nod to Boru), militant temperance practitioner, or simply non-drinker. Teetotal sounds good now to me yet...there's something disingenuous in that in the term...as if it doesn't state there was a problem with alcohol, deceptive then....ex-alcoholic still sits best with me I think - I am not a problem drinker, but was once and so now abstain - so ex.

[arewethereyet]

What you tell people, as per your personal label, is up to you.

We have watched you struggle here on the forum with issues that are the result of alcohol. I think it's real important to admit to yourself that you do, indeed, have a problem. And really mean it when you look in the mirror.

What you tell others doesn't matter when you come right down to it if you are real with yourself.

A little nugget...if alcohol causes problems in your life, you have a drinking problem.

Go back and read some of your posts...there's a pattern.

[Angrboda]

Identity is a personal decision. My memories of my father are that he always had a drink in his hand. But I'm hesitant to call him an alcoholic.

I drink a good bit. There are people who have worried that I have a problem with alcohol. I'm not one of them. So I wouldn't feel any obligation to qualify myself that way.

Recently I participated in a discussion about atheism which diverted to the topic of identifying oneself as atheist. When I'm dealing with people of other faiths, I find it more comfortable to say that I'm unaffiliated with any religion. But some argued that they wanted to be known as atheist, both for themselves and others. There's something inherently political about adopting a label or identification. Part of it has to do with how you feel about yourself, and how adopting a specific identity affects you. Part of it involves how other people will be affected, what you will be communicating to them, both intentional and unintentional.

Transgenderism is a case in point. Some need a specific gender to be associated with themselves. Some genderqueer people find no use in adopting a specific gender label. It's very personal, and very political.