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Need criticism and assistance
#11
RE: Need criticism and assistance
(December 12, 2011 at 5:31 am)Norfolk And Chance Wrote: I think Faith No More liked Shell's post.

I guess its fixed.
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#12
RE: Need criticism and assistance
(December 12, 2011 at 1:24 pm)Cinjin Wrote: Is there such a thing as an endless downwards spiral? Doesn't the very nature of a downward spiral mean that it will come to an end.

Thinking

Thinking

I suppose it depends if the spiral shrinks in size as you go down or whether it stays constant.
You are currently experiencing a lucky and very brief window of awareness, sandwiched in between two periods of timeless and utter nothingness. So why not make the most of it, and stop wasting your life away trying to convince other people that there is something else? The reality is obvious.

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#13
RE: Need criticism and assistance
(December 12, 2011 at 3:17 pm)Norfolk And Chance Wrote:
(December 12, 2011 at 1:24 pm)Cinjin Wrote: Is there such a thing as an endless downwards spiral? Doesn't the very nature of a downward spiral mean that it will come to an end.

Thinking

Thinking

I suppose it depends if the spiral shrinks in size as you go down or whether it stays constant.

Cinjin has a good point. For a spiral to go down it has to be going down toward something so it will end. You could have an endless upward spiral though, but only if the universe is infinite and things work out such that you do not contact any of the things that are up, so even an upwards spiral will probably have to end unless it was purposely steered away from other objects.

Although, if the universe is like the universe in the highly acurate physical model of the universe that Asteroids presented to us, then the spiral would eventually steer its way back toward what it was originally moving away from and become a downward spiral. Maybe Asteroids is responsible for the emo state of affairs in America. Hopefully the spiral wouldn't be shot by a passing UFO; I hated those little bastards.
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#14
RE: Need criticism and assistance
(December 12, 2011 at 1:43 am)Shell B Wrote: Are you looking for a topic critique or an editing critique?

I'll go with the former for now and you can let me know if you needed the latter.

Firstly, there seems to be no "point" to it. I can't figure out where you are going with this. You will have to know where you are going with it before you start a rough draft. If you are trying to establish religion or belief in god as a detriment to mankind, you are going to need one hell of an outline so you can start your research.

Secondly, this is something like a random paragraph in the midst of something bigger. It is neither an opening paragraph nor a closer. In your opening, you will want to state your point. In other words, you will want to provide the reader with what it is you are trying to establish. You will spend the rest of the book establishing it, but in an organized fashion. For example, you could go through history elaborating on the negative impact religion has had on humankind, assuming I guessed your aim correctly. Start at the beginning and get to the end, making a valid point in each part. For another example, a part about the Salem Witch Trials could conclude that religious beliefs is especially dangerous when coupled with mob mentality. In the closer, you tie all of these points together and make your main point with them. Of course, you will have to weigh the "pros" of religion, if any, against the cons if you want to create a book that isn't centered on your own biases, if any.

In short, put your outline together on paper before you delve into the book. This is absolutely essential to keep track while you are writing. Otherwise, you will be re-reading your work a lot, repeating yourself or going all over the place.

Sorry for not being very clear. This is by no means a rough draft. Or even a thesis statement. This is but a fragment out of my notes. I do plan on cleaning it up a shit ton. With my notes, I just write all the little things that come to me throughout the day.
-Only with the ultimate knowledge of all things will man have come to know himself. For things are but the boundaries of man. -> Friedrich Nietzsche

Atheist

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#15
RE: Need criticism and assistance
(December 12, 2011 at 6:06 pm)TheYoungAtheist Wrote: Sorry for not being very clear. This is by no means a rough draft. Or even a thesis statement. This is but a fragment out of my notes. I do plan on cleaning it up a shit ton. With my notes, I just write all the little things that come to me throughout the day.

Then you haven't given us much to critique then, have you? Wink Hook me up with a thesis statement or an outline and I can give you better advice. In the meantime, get in the habit of using there and their correctly. I promise that little bit will go a long way.
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#16
RE: Need criticism and assistance
(December 12, 2011 at 4:55 pm)Rhizomorph13 Wrote: Cinjin has a good point. For a spiral to go down it has to be going down toward something so it will end. You could have an endless upward spiral though, but only if the universe is infinite and things work out such that you do not contact any of the things that are up, so even an upwards spiral will probably have to end unless it was purposely steered away from other objects.

How do you figure out that you can have an endless upward spiral, but only in infinity, but you can't have an endless downward spiral because it will hit something? This makes no sense.

In infinity, you could in theory spiral in any direction for ever surely? What difference would up or down make? There is no up or down in the universe. It would have to be a constant spiral though, because if it was an ever decreasing spiral, eventually the spiral would decrease to the smallest possible size and couldn't spiral any more.


You are currently experiencing a lucky and very brief window of awareness, sandwiched in between two periods of timeless and utter nothingness. So why not make the most of it, and stop wasting your life away trying to convince other people that there is something else? The reality is obvious.

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#17
RE: Need criticism and assistance



"Up" and "down" are relative terms relating to some object. Down is towards the object while up is away from the object, so that is how I see it; assuming the universe is infinite, one could go up forever while down would end as soon as you hit the object that was used to define the down direction.
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#18
RE: Need criticism and assistance
Not wishing to derail the thread but I feel I ought to point out that a spiral increases in diameter as it winds (eg Auger snail shells), as opposed to a helix which maintains its diameter throughout (eg DNA).
/pointless pedantry
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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