I was at the zoo today..or..the true adventures of Dotard.

[Dotard]

The good news is that since my operation last year,I no longer sneeze,fart AND piss simultaneously (really)

And thus ruining one of my best practical jokes I came up with while creating you.

Really bummed me out. So I came up with a little 'payback' for you Padraic. March 14 2010 is going to be a hilarious day for me and those around you! Muhhahahaha!!

Be prepared. Carry a change of pants and underwear that day and be ready for it when you are in a crowded place.

Oh Jeez, it's gonna be hilarious!

@ Saerules:

Yeah I was getting bored during the creation and began creating silly things. It's why I put the ostrich's knees on backwards, gave some spiders eight eyes, made a horse's shlong reach the ground, your body shape, stuff like that.

[Violet]

Lol ^_^ Poor padriac

Hey, we love the silly things you created ^_^ How did all these religions come about, O' Great Dotard?

[Dotard]

How did all these religions come about, O' Great Dotard?

It all started with that damn shoe and goard. Here, I'll show you. It was like this:

[youtube]Nf76lynPdZc[/youtube]

[fr0d0]

LMAO awesome I recognise Dotards debating style there

[Amphora]

The life of Brian nice! Mighty Python has some awsome movies!

Where ence is this holy goard and shoe, mighty Dotard?

[Violet]

Dotard... the only god who actually answers your questions!

[Dotard]

Where ence is this holy goard and shoe, mighty Dotard?

Ence is a suffix attached to verbs to form nouns of process or fact equivalent to -ance. Like "absent" to "absence".

But I do believe you meant where is the shoe and goard?

If so, over the millinium I have kept them safe as a souvenir and today I keep them in the prop room of a movie studio. That's 'film studio' to you foreigners.

(There are replicas on display in a movie (film) museum. Can't let the real ones in the public eye lest they be stolen and I don't want to add to the whole bee's nest of differing beliefs.)

------------------------------------------

I must do this because at one time the real ones were on display and Arcanus, John Paul and Frodo decided to swipe (steal, nicker) them. They grabbed them and ran. I joined the chase (thrill of the chase excites Gods even) but we lost sight of them.

While searching we came upon a old farmers barn. I look inside and just see some hay and lumpy potato sacks. I figure I'd better kick the sacks to be sure.

I kick the first one (Arcanus was in it) and I heard "Bow Wow Ruff Ruff". Ahhh, this sack has puppies in it.

I kick the second one (John Paul) and I heard "Meow Meow". Ahhh, this sack has kittens in it.

I kick the third (Frodo's hiding place) and I hear him yell "Potatos!"

Got my stuff back.

---

One time in a parallel universe I decided to live umong my creations. So I make myself human and set up a home.

Like humans I was a bit vane so at the age of 57 years I got me some cosmetic surgery.

After healing I went for a stroll to show off my new face.

I stopped by the news stand and asked the proprietor "How old do you think I am?"

"38?" the man answers. "HA! I'm 57!" and I walk off proudly.

I stop at the butchers shop and ask the butcher "How old do you think I am?"

"41?" answers the butcher. "HA! I'm 57!" I stroll off really smug now.

At the bus stop a little old lady is waiting. I decide to ask; "Ma'am? How old do you think I am?"

The old lady says, "Well, I can tell your age just by reaching into your pants and fondling your junk"

Intrigued I say "ok, try it" The old lady reaches into my pants and fondles a few minutes.

"57." she says.

"WOW! That is amazing! You're right! How did you do that?"

She replied, "I was standing behind you at the Butcher Shop."

[Violet]

What did you do after she told you that, Dotard?

And who did you get the gourd and shoe back from? Did you get it back from fr0d0 or Arcanus? I somehow don't think John Paul would have them... but was it him?