My Conversion from Fundamentalism (Long!)
March 16, 2010 at 11:43 am
(This post was last modified: March 16, 2010 at 11:47 am by Archbow.)
Alright, it's about time I write my story, not only to share with you, but to remind myself of the events that transpired.
When I was younger, around 8th grade a few friends of mine invited me to this Friday night hangout called the "5th Quarter Church" The purpose of this Friday night hangout was to get kids off the street and into a safe environment with their peers, and if they were seeking God during that time, the supervisors of this church would be there to talk to.
It was a great place, it wasn't exactly in the safest neighborhood but you felt secure there. I met a lot of my current friends there, all wide eyed youngsters such as myself. This continued to be my Friday ritual every week for the next 3 years, I even began to attend church there with some friends of mine. As I gazed down at them across the pew I felt proud of how good of a Christian I was, unlike my peers I had stayed clean, and still had my virginity in tact. It was a great feeling, but there was always something missing. I felt like a shell sometimes in the church, on the outside I was a God loving Christian (trust me, my Catholic parents were pissed about that) but on the inside something just felt empty, so I attended more church functions to try and fill that hole.
I can't exactly remember when things began to go downhill at the 5th quarter church, but I certainly remember the end result. Overtime the friendly pastors had left mysteriously, they didn't tell us much, except that they were moving to another church. The remaining supervisors all told us they just had a different calling, and I was okay with that. I certainly saw no reason to be angry, right?
I still continued to frequent the church every Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, but things began to get confusing, no longer were we allowed to sit next to our current squeeze "a bibles width apart!" we were always told, and at first i thought it was a big laugh.. that is until they began to scold us if we were repeat offenders. Sandy, the lead supervisor would raise her voice in front of everyone, embarrassing the teen who had disregarded the rules. Pointing her finger at you, and threatening Hell in return for their sinful actions. I decided to ignore this since, Hey, it wasn't me right? I was one of the good kids. I had no reason to be yelled at.
That's when Mike approached me. Mike was one of the few male supervisors there, he often told his story of salvation when he gave up the women, and the drugs to become one of Gods vessels. He was in charge of the male group of teens, handling all of their hormone induced problems, some more personal than others. I remember throughout the years, him pressing me for answers about my masturbation habits in detail, and why I did it. It felt strange to be asked this personal about it quite honestly, but he was looking out for my best intentions I guessed. We often held discussions about pornography, and how it was bad for me to watch it, and it wasn't natural to have such feelings towards the other girls in my peer group.
No longer were God talks an option anymore, every Friday at 9 we were sat down, and faced towards the podium to hear Sandy preach about Jesus. She said it with such spirit. How we were about to enter war with the demons that surround us, and how our faith was the sword that would be plunged into evil, and how the bible was our armor, that would deflect all the sinful things people would tell us. This is around the time I really began to feel that hole widen. Church began to feel like a chore anymore as her preachings began to eat up more time, from an hour, to two, to three. Her preachings became more aggravated, and she would point out teens in the group and test their faith, and if their answer was incorrect they'd feel the holy wrath of Sandy's scoldings, again embarrassing them, and casting them out of the church if they were unsure about their love for Jesus.
The 5th quarter church changed from a safe place to hang out, and turned into a fortress for Jesus. Only Christians were allowed to enter the doors, and if you were unsure if your faith, or didn't believe in the holy savior you were either ratted out by her "junior supervisors" or she weeded them out herself. Heading to the church became less fun, and more fear as I was frightened of what would happen to my soul if I were to leave now.
I was now in the church 5 long years, only handful remained, most of them my close personal friends who had either stayed out off fear such as me, or were Sandy's loyal helpers.
Around Halloween is the time I decided to quit the church. My friend Aaron had always been more of an oddball growing up into maturity, he was that kid that acted out in strange.. and sometimes disgusting ways, but once you got past that exterior he was the most amazing friend you could ever have. We went to the same school together and always saw each other during the day.. except a certain Monday where he was oddly absent. No word of his health we just assumed he stayed home sick. That is until he was absent for the better part of the school week.
We began to get worried as we walked into the 5th quarter that Friday night. That is when we were told that with the help of the 5th quarter church, his parents had sent him to a Christian mental health facility for a week. Apparently his parents found a cut on his arm and assumed he was cutting himself so they contacted the church. Apparently Sandy thought in the best interest of Aaron he should be sent there for evaluation.
It wasn't until Monday did I see Aaron again. He rarely spoke a word of what happened there, and often avoided the subject, and overtime we all just kind of dropped it. Halloween was quickly approaching and the church was asking us who we were going to be. Aaron told everyone he was gonna dress as The Crow, from the popular movie. That is when one of Sandy's helpers in the back had spoken up, addressing to Sandy that the Crow was and evil character who loved Satan. Try as Aaron did he couldn't convince Sandy otherwise as she scolded him for bringing evil spirits to the Church, this is when she took Aaron into the backroom alone out of eye sight, and gave him a "private discussion".
Shortly after Aaron had decided to leave the church, against his parents will. This is also when a lot of the others had decided to leave as well, including myself, and overtime even her brainwashed loyalists saw through her disguise and decided to leave as well. Shortly after the 5th quarter church closed its doors on Friday night. Sandy has successfully driven away every teenager in that building almost single handed.It was quite impressive actually.
_______________________________________________________
I later learned out why those pastors had left. Apparently the church had been pocketing the money from their church events, but continued to cut the pay from the pastors, till they were nearly working for free. A group of them decided to press the issue of where all this money was going, and they demanded receipts, as they began to press these questions they began to receive death threats from some members on the congregation, so to protect their family's they had left the church.
I spent almost 6 years in the 5th quarter church, and this is just a small summary of everything that went on in the church. I elft out some other events to save time and size. This is what turned me away from God, and everything Religious. I'm still trying to find my way, but the more I venture, the more Atheism begins to shine.
SO yeah, that's my story.
When I was younger, around 8th grade a few friends of mine invited me to this Friday night hangout called the "5th Quarter Church" The purpose of this Friday night hangout was to get kids off the street and into a safe environment with their peers, and if they were seeking God during that time, the supervisors of this church would be there to talk to.
It was a great place, it wasn't exactly in the safest neighborhood but you felt secure there. I met a lot of my current friends there, all wide eyed youngsters such as myself. This continued to be my Friday ritual every week for the next 3 years, I even began to attend church there with some friends of mine. As I gazed down at them across the pew I felt proud of how good of a Christian I was, unlike my peers I had stayed clean, and still had my virginity in tact. It was a great feeling, but there was always something missing. I felt like a shell sometimes in the church, on the outside I was a God loving Christian (trust me, my Catholic parents were pissed about that) but on the inside something just felt empty, so I attended more church functions to try and fill that hole.
I can't exactly remember when things began to go downhill at the 5th quarter church, but I certainly remember the end result. Overtime the friendly pastors had left mysteriously, they didn't tell us much, except that they were moving to another church. The remaining supervisors all told us they just had a different calling, and I was okay with that. I certainly saw no reason to be angry, right?
I still continued to frequent the church every Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, but things began to get confusing, no longer were we allowed to sit next to our current squeeze "a bibles width apart!" we were always told, and at first i thought it was a big laugh.. that is until they began to scold us if we were repeat offenders. Sandy, the lead supervisor would raise her voice in front of everyone, embarrassing the teen who had disregarded the rules. Pointing her finger at you, and threatening Hell in return for their sinful actions. I decided to ignore this since, Hey, it wasn't me right? I was one of the good kids. I had no reason to be yelled at.
That's when Mike approached me. Mike was one of the few male supervisors there, he often told his story of salvation when he gave up the women, and the drugs to become one of Gods vessels. He was in charge of the male group of teens, handling all of their hormone induced problems, some more personal than others. I remember throughout the years, him pressing me for answers about my masturbation habits in detail, and why I did it. It felt strange to be asked this personal about it quite honestly, but he was looking out for my best intentions I guessed. We often held discussions about pornography, and how it was bad for me to watch it, and it wasn't natural to have such feelings towards the other girls in my peer group.
No longer were God talks an option anymore, every Friday at 9 we were sat down, and faced towards the podium to hear Sandy preach about Jesus. She said it with such spirit. How we were about to enter war with the demons that surround us, and how our faith was the sword that would be plunged into evil, and how the bible was our armor, that would deflect all the sinful things people would tell us. This is around the time I really began to feel that hole widen. Church began to feel like a chore anymore as her preachings began to eat up more time, from an hour, to two, to three. Her preachings became more aggravated, and she would point out teens in the group and test their faith, and if their answer was incorrect they'd feel the holy wrath of Sandy's scoldings, again embarrassing them, and casting them out of the church if they were unsure about their love for Jesus.
The 5th quarter church changed from a safe place to hang out, and turned into a fortress for Jesus. Only Christians were allowed to enter the doors, and if you were unsure if your faith, or didn't believe in the holy savior you were either ratted out by her "junior supervisors" or she weeded them out herself. Heading to the church became less fun, and more fear as I was frightened of what would happen to my soul if I were to leave now.
I was now in the church 5 long years, only handful remained, most of them my close personal friends who had either stayed out off fear such as me, or were Sandy's loyal helpers.
Around Halloween is the time I decided to quit the church. My friend Aaron had always been more of an oddball growing up into maturity, he was that kid that acted out in strange.. and sometimes disgusting ways, but once you got past that exterior he was the most amazing friend you could ever have. We went to the same school together and always saw each other during the day.. except a certain Monday where he was oddly absent. No word of his health we just assumed he stayed home sick. That is until he was absent for the better part of the school week.
We began to get worried as we walked into the 5th quarter that Friday night. That is when we were told that with the help of the 5th quarter church, his parents had sent him to a Christian mental health facility for a week. Apparently his parents found a cut on his arm and assumed he was cutting himself so they contacted the church. Apparently Sandy thought in the best interest of Aaron he should be sent there for evaluation.
It wasn't until Monday did I see Aaron again. He rarely spoke a word of what happened there, and often avoided the subject, and overtime we all just kind of dropped it. Halloween was quickly approaching and the church was asking us who we were going to be. Aaron told everyone he was gonna dress as The Crow, from the popular movie. That is when one of Sandy's helpers in the back had spoken up, addressing to Sandy that the Crow was and evil character who loved Satan. Try as Aaron did he couldn't convince Sandy otherwise as she scolded him for bringing evil spirits to the Church, this is when she took Aaron into the backroom alone out of eye sight, and gave him a "private discussion".
Shortly after Aaron had decided to leave the church, against his parents will. This is also when a lot of the others had decided to leave as well, including myself, and overtime even her brainwashed loyalists saw through her disguise and decided to leave as well. Shortly after the 5th quarter church closed its doors on Friday night. Sandy has successfully driven away every teenager in that building almost single handed.It was quite impressive actually.
_______________________________________________________
I later learned out why those pastors had left. Apparently the church had been pocketing the money from their church events, but continued to cut the pay from the pastors, till they were nearly working for free. A group of them decided to press the issue of where all this money was going, and they demanded receipts, as they began to press these questions they began to receive death threats from some members on the congregation, so to protect their family's they had left the church.
I spent almost 6 years in the 5th quarter church, and this is just a small summary of everything that went on in the church. I elft out some other events to save time and size. This is what turned me away from God, and everything Religious. I'm still trying to find my way, but the more I venture, the more Atheism begins to shine.
SO yeah, that's my story.
