Drinking Education

[Aractus]

I gather you disagree about parents ever allow kids to drink at home, but your article really doesn't address drinking begun at 18.

I disagree because that's what the peer-review science points to. It's the same with should you have your baby sleep on its back or its tummy to avoid SIDS, whatever the current science suggests would be what I would agree with (in that case it's the back fyi).

If fact they tend to make their own choices long before that. I can only set an example and provide an education.

That's right. You can't prevent her from abusing alcohol, but the science would suggest that having her drink at home in preparation for "the real world" is ineffective at best, and at worst makes the risk factor for alcohol abuse greater.

I don't and never did disagree that alcohol is "freely available". So is cocaine you know.

[Elskidor]

Do you think your love/hate relationship would be any different if your dad hadn't let you drink with him? And did you drink without him anyway?

No and yes.

[Jenny A]

That's right. You can't prevent her from abusing alcohol, but the science would suggest that having her drink at home in preparation for "the real world" is ineffective at best, and at worst makes the risk factor for alcohol abuse greater.

I don't and never did disagree that alcohol is "freely available". So is cocaine you know.

It's not nearly as cut and dried as that:

Research on parents' role in underage drinking has been limited. A survey of 6,245 U.S. teens, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health in 2004, found that adults play a very important role in teen drinking—but in different ways. Teens who attended a party where alcohol was supplied by a parent were twice as likely to have engaged in binge drinking and twice as likely to be regular drinkers. But teens who drank along with their parents were only one-third as likely to binge and half as likely to be regular drinkers.

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB1000142405...0879004132

I'm not planning a party. Or to get drunk with her either.

[Alex K]

The last quote from Jenny A would confirm my notion that keeping alcohol a complete taboo until they turn 21 could lead to a strange relationship to alcoholic beverages where they are only seen as some sort of forbidden fruit, almost like a symbol of rebellion or independence. If the first and only context you're exposed to alcohol is secret forbidden binge drinking parties, how are you ever going to develop a healthy attitude towards it?

[bennyboy]

I think the best way is just treat the 18 year-old like an adult. Have dinner, ask them "Would you like a beer?" Then drink it slowly while you eat dinner and talk. Let a drink be seen as an accompaniment to other activities, rather than a central event of a coming-of-age ritual. I think this is best-- if you don't set an attitude toward drinking within the family, then her first exposure to drinking attitudes is likely to come from frat boys-- urkh!

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That's right. You can't prevent her from abusing alcohol, but the science would suggest that having her drink at home in preparation for "the real world" is ineffective at best, and at worst makes the risk factor for alcohol abuse greater.

In this case, correlation fails. The correlation you really need is the "introduced to drinking in a mature, adult way." The correlated group you are talking about includes alocholics and neglectful parents, I'm guessing, though they might not describe themselves that way in a survey. While the article says they are "well-meaning" parents, we don't have any good details about how the parents acted, what they said, and how they taught their children.

[Exian]

My dad used to tell me all of his drug stories and he wouldn't pull any punches. He told me which drugs felt the best and what they felt like. He also told me the bad effects and the ugly world you end up in. I always thought he was just telling me some interesting stories, but he later told me that he told those stories so I wouldn't be curious. I would know the good and the bad. He knew that he tried those things out of curiosity. He also knew that anyone telling him not to do drugs would have had the opposite effect, so he didn't do that with me.

All this would be prefaced by years of both my parents doing a good job raising me, so that foundation was important for the somewhat risky teaching method to work, but it did.

This kind of makes me lean towards the OP being a good idea with the proper foundation in place. They're going to drink regardless, and in some pretty chaotic situations. I don't see letting them know what they're in for doing anymore harm.

[abaris]

As Alex already said. I think, the main problem is this prohibition mentality only allowing kids to drink once they are 21. We don't have that here in Europe and I think it's, as has been said, an incentive to reach for the forbidden fruit.

I think, the best way to go is treating alcohol as something perfectly normal, not making a fuzz about it, thereby making it more interesting. And it's a given that the girl will get drunk at some point. Everyone does and it doesn't mean, one is on the way to become an alcoholic. It's an individual experience and everone deals with it in different ways.

[Alex K]

As Alex already said. I think, the main problem is this prohibition mentality only allowing kids to drink once they are 21. We don't have that here in Europe and I think it's, as has been said, an incentive to reach for the forbidden fruit.

I think, the best way to go is treating alcohol as something perfectly normal, not making a fuzz about it, thereby making it more interesting. And it's a given that the girl will get drunk at some point. Everyone does and it doesn't mean, one is on the way to become an alcoholic. It's an individual experience and everone deals with it in different ways.

Of course, it would make sense to have "the talk" about alcoholism, and the signs for that etc.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I disagree because that's what the peer-review science points to.

The study you linked doesn't address this particular situation, which is clear by the time one reaches the end of the first sentence:

Teenagers whose parents supply alcohol in early adolescence are three times as likely to be drinking full serves of alcohol at age 16 as children in families that do not supply alcohol, a major new study from the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre at UNSW Australia has found.

[Jenny A]

I think the best way is just treat the 18 year-old like an adult. Have dinner, ask them "Would you like a beer?" Then drink it slowly while you eat dinner and talk. Let a drink be seen as an accompaniment to other activities, rather than a central event of a coming-of-age ritual. I think this is best-- if you don't set an attitude toward drinking within the family, then her first exposure to drinking attitudes is likely to come from frat boys-- urkh!

I absolutely agree about beer and wine at dinner. I was raised that way and it turned out okay. And I did notice that it was the kids I knew in high school and early college whose parents did not do this, who binged and worse particularly freshman year.

What's puzzling me is what to do about stronger stuff. I can't just offer a little naturally, because I don't do that home. I simply don't come home and make myself a pitcher of margaritas or pour myself a shot of rum. I have a drink sometimes at a restaurant and the girls see that. And occasionally I'll put a liquor in my coffee after dinner. And my step father serves martinis when we visit. We have rum and whiskey in the pantry because I cook with it occasionally.

So, if I introduce her to spirits, it's not going to be quite so natural a thing. What I really want is for her to have an idea just how easily the taste can be hid in drinks, and how the kick often follows slowly enough, that you can have too much before you feel much of anything. Talking about this from time to time, we've already done. She's a high school senior and while I don't think she has (parents don't necessarily know), I do know that she could outside the home if she wanted to. The real question for me is should I let her try some mixed drinks at home with me, so she has some practical experience as well? That's the part I can't make my mind up about.