(August 2, 2015 at 9:46 pm)Yeauxleaux Wrote: I think I have to echo what other people are saying here and live your life for you. Your mother is a grown woman, if she can't sort her own shit out it's not always on you to tidy up her mess.
We've just been through a kind of relateable situation. The week we spent in the hospital as my Dad was dying, my Nan was doing too fucking much refusing to eat, snapping at people, waking people up when they got exhausted. Literally an hour before my Dad died (and was very clearly about to go), my one aunt (who I'll call Janina) and my grandmother just started ganging up on my other aunt (who I'll call Maria) and being real nasty. They verbally attacked her in the hospital the morning my Dad was on death's door, and they did it again at the funeral. My Mum is absolutely insulted and refuses to have anything to do with Janina and my Grandmother now, although we've grown closer to Maria because she helped us a lot with the funeral while the others disappeared. We've bonded with Maria a lot over Dad's death, we were never close before. She's cut them off too.
It's only because I have sympathy for her losing her son (every loving parent's worst nightmare, I do ache for her) and because she doesn't have many people in her life that I'm still checking up on my grandmother, but I'm not going out of my way. Janina I haven't spoken to since at all, might again at some point, doubt it. Sometimes you just have to let these people go, if they're being a detriment to you and causing all this drama they have to go. Blood doesn't necessarily make you family, I firmly believe that. Just because we're blood relatives doesn't mean I have to like you, respect everything you do and kiss your ass. Some people might call me a heartless bastard but honestly I don't care, what I've said here about my family is the tip of the ice berg.
If you've genuinely tried to help your mother already and she just won't be helped, give it up. She'll have to go her own way and hopefully one day she'll realise she fucked up big time and change her ways.
I'm sorry you had to go through that hell with your family. I understand about it being the tip of the iceberg, believe me, I could write a novel, myself.
I KNOW my mother will realize her mistake only after it's too late. It is because she is a bit of a simpleton that I find it difficult to let go. Many times mom has expected me to clean up her messes....much the way my grandmother did to HER. I know mom is hell-bent on destroying our relationship, and then blaming me, and driving me away, even though I warned her it would eventually happen...and THEN she will be alone, and realize her mistake. And THEN she will hate herself. And since my grandmother and aunt have already made her spend her life hating herself, I have been trying to prevent that very thing from occurring. But you're right....I tried and tried and tried....to no avail. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So, once again....I have to leave.
Thanks for sharing your story.
