But if she says “Yes, it is all your fault! You are an unrepentant sinner and will burn in Hell! You are an ungrateful, evil and disrespectful grandchild and you have broken my heart! You are selfish and manipulative and you want it all your way and you are attacking my beliefs and you don’t know how to compromise! “
Then NOW is the real test of your maturity and mental strength:
If this is her response, do NOT waste any more time trying to convince her of her role and responsibility in the breakdown of the relationship, and do NOT take her words to heart: YOU know those words of hers are bullshit that you do NOT deserve; you know she would be shirking her share of accountability, if she said something so unfair.
At that point, you just say,
“ I’m so sorry you feel that way. If you ever change your mind, you can let me know. I love you. Goodbye. “
And you walk away, knowing you did everything in your power,
without sacrificing your own self-respect and your own boundaries,
which not only should you not HAVE to do…
…but ironically, if you DID compromise your own boundaries,
Thinking that you were being self-sacrificing for the sake of “being the bigger person”,
Not only would it change nothing,
But it would actually become ENABLING behaviour at that point,
And you would only make her behaviour worse and worse.
I speak from experience. Please heed me on this. If you are ever tempted….do NOT enable.
You will only end up hurting both HER, and yourself, worse.
