Cosmowanderer,
you said,
" I definitely don't want to pretend to be theist when I'm not "
No, you should never have to pretend to be something you're not.
You said,
" I don't want to come across as attacking when I defend myself. "
That's why I advise to simply shut the issue down,
because you will be blamed for any fallout,
in my experience.
You said,
" I don't think she'll stop talking about it after that,
but I know it'll likely become more indirect attacks,
like tagging me in Facebook posts about Jesus "
And it will get worse if you don't enforce a zero-tolerance policy
...the camel trying to get his nose into the tent, as it were.
You said,
" ...or saying comments in front of me about it to someone else. "
I hope she doesn't resort to such tactics!!!
That is unconscionable.
I know you want to be diplomatic and gentle,
but that is a disgusting tactic.
If it comes to that,
then I urge you to calmly, politely,
but very firmly make it clear that THAT particular practice will NOT BE TOLERATED.
You should NEVER have to tolerate your family using public shame or humiliation,
especially when you haven't actually done anything wrong.
" I know she's not interested or open to hearing any reasoning behind any belief system that is not Catholicism,
so it would do nothing but harm if I tried to send info or evidence or logic or my reasons behind atheism. "
And you are wise to recognize that.
There's an old quote from a Stallone movie, "Copland"
where his character is told:
" Being right isn't a bullet-proof vest, Freddie! "
And this is true especially when arguing with family, especially about religion.
Hey, if it wasn't your grandmother,
I'd cheer you on in dropping the gloves and letting them have it....no mercy.
but if my own experience is anything to go by,
you will get NOWHERE with your grandmother if you engage her on the subject of Atheism,
...and worse, YOU may well end up being viewed as the "troublemaker" by the family.
But like I said, as long as you simply refuse to get into it (or to be SUBJECTED to it),
then, if grandma doesn't respect that, and you withdraw,
no-one can blame you.
They'll just say,
"Well, Grandma, you should have respected her wishes to drop the subject.
She obviously doesn't want to talk about it, and YOU'RE the one being a troublemaker. "
But I wish someone had warned me about this part:
It is SO EASY to be baited into just the tiniest of responses!!
For refusing to talk about it, you might be called "cowardly"
...or they might say "obviously you know you're wrong "
...this is an attempt to goad you into response. Don't fall for it.
It's just a tactic to draw you out, to engage you.
Instead, just allow their accusations to hang in the air, unanswered.
Or, you could just smile, shake your head, and calmly say,
" I'm sorry you think so...but I'm not interested in discussing the matter. "
BUT NEVER respond with negative or affirmative replies to probing accusations or insults!!!
It only leads to other questions,
...and before you know it,
you're in the very argument you wanted to avoid,
and they got the better of you.
Just stand firm.
Hopefully they will quickly realize that you see right through their game and are not falling for it;
....and maybe they'll even realize that you have more maturity and wisdom than they do;
and they might even become a little ashamed of themselves,
for shamelessly taking advantage of your silence,
to launch undeserved and baseless accusations at you.
BUT:
If they do NOT realize it, and they just continue with the verbal insults....my advice is to leave.
Don't get upset. Just get disgusted that they are not taking the hint.
Good luck to you, Cosmowanderer.
I hope your family is kinder to you than mine was, to me.
you said,
" I definitely don't want to pretend to be theist when I'm not "
No, you should never have to pretend to be something you're not.
You said,
" I don't want to come across as attacking when I defend myself. "
That's why I advise to simply shut the issue down,
because you will be blamed for any fallout,
in my experience.
You said,
" I don't think she'll stop talking about it after that,
but I know it'll likely become more indirect attacks,
like tagging me in Facebook posts about Jesus "
And it will get worse if you don't enforce a zero-tolerance policy
...the camel trying to get his nose into the tent, as it were.
You said,
" ...or saying comments in front of me about it to someone else. "
I hope she doesn't resort to such tactics!!!
That is unconscionable.
I know you want to be diplomatic and gentle,
but that is a disgusting tactic.
If it comes to that,
then I urge you to calmly, politely,
but very firmly make it clear that THAT particular practice will NOT BE TOLERATED.
You should NEVER have to tolerate your family using public shame or humiliation,
especially when you haven't actually done anything wrong.
" I know she's not interested or open to hearing any reasoning behind any belief system that is not Catholicism,
so it would do nothing but harm if I tried to send info or evidence or logic or my reasons behind atheism. "
And you are wise to recognize that.
There's an old quote from a Stallone movie, "Copland"
where his character is told:
" Being right isn't a bullet-proof vest, Freddie! "
And this is true especially when arguing with family, especially about religion.
Hey, if it wasn't your grandmother,
I'd cheer you on in dropping the gloves and letting them have it....no mercy.
but if my own experience is anything to go by,
you will get NOWHERE with your grandmother if you engage her on the subject of Atheism,
...and worse, YOU may well end up being viewed as the "troublemaker" by the family.
But like I said, as long as you simply refuse to get into it (or to be SUBJECTED to it),
then, if grandma doesn't respect that, and you withdraw,
no-one can blame you.
They'll just say,
"Well, Grandma, you should have respected her wishes to drop the subject.
She obviously doesn't want to talk about it, and YOU'RE the one being a troublemaker. "
But I wish someone had warned me about this part:
It is SO EASY to be baited into just the tiniest of responses!!
For refusing to talk about it, you might be called "cowardly"
...or they might say "obviously you know you're wrong "
...this is an attempt to goad you into response. Don't fall for it.
It's just a tactic to draw you out, to engage you.
Instead, just allow their accusations to hang in the air, unanswered.
Or, you could just smile, shake your head, and calmly say,
" I'm sorry you think so...but I'm not interested in discussing the matter. "
BUT NEVER respond with negative or affirmative replies to probing accusations or insults!!!
It only leads to other questions,
...and before you know it,
you're in the very argument you wanted to avoid,
and they got the better of you.
Just stand firm.
Hopefully they will quickly realize that you see right through their game and are not falling for it;
....and maybe they'll even realize that you have more maturity and wisdom than they do;
and they might even become a little ashamed of themselves,
for shamelessly taking advantage of your silence,
to launch undeserved and baseless accusations at you.
BUT:
If they do NOT realize it, and they just continue with the verbal insults....my advice is to leave.
Don't get upset. Just get disgusted that they are not taking the hint.
Good luck to you, Cosmowanderer.
I hope your family is kinder to you than mine was, to me.
