Unromantic Atheism?

[Thumpalumpacus]

You know? I've always said my guitar is my friend, my lover, my shelter, and my therapist.

Oh man, it's a life saver. But, wouldn't you know that I'm such a content asshole that I've neglected even her? It's been months, and now I'm not sure who the hell I am, which is kind of sad, I guess. My cousin brought his geet over all excited to learn one of my favorite tunes to play that I picked up from Stephen Grossman called Money Town, and I couldn't fuckin remember how to play the damn thing. Felt like a turd. But, like I said earlier about being romantic; I can't fake it, I have to be genuinely inspired. Positively or negatively. And I've been in such a damn funk lately. Not even a funk, just a weird flatline. Maybe I need a muse again.

Side story about Red House: I first heard it when "I still got my guitar" was particularly true for me, and so I did the only thing a 24 year old could think to do in that situation- I got it tattooed across my back... -_-

I gotta like anyone with Jimi tatted on them.

Bear in mind, I'm writing this even as I smart from the recent breakup of a longish relationship. Before her and I got together, I went ten years flying basically solo, dating when the opportunity arose, getting out early as the obligations (to account for my time, to sacrifice my own plans for hers, or my own obligations as a father) interposed themselves. For a long time I've thought of myself as an outside cat. I left that self-image behind with Harmony -- I was hers and she was mine. But it didn't work. It didn't work. So now I'me comfortable going back to my old way of living, which doesn't seem all that different from yours (another lyric, this one Simon and Garfunkel: "I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep"). It's a simple life, and alluring for that reason. I did what I wanted when I wanted and didn't need to provide answers to anyone.

But for all its obligations and compromise -- and love is certainly about compromise, eventually -- the rewards love, true love, gives a person are astounding, and I do want and miss them. I've been lucky; I've known true love three times in one life. We just weren't able to work out the day-to-day give-and-take that is called-for when two people become a couple. I know that I carry a significant portion of the blame in each of those three breakups, even the one in which she cheated on me. But for me the rewards are enough to make me want love, even as I am comfortable living life on my own terms alone.

Sometimes I'm just too stupid to quit.