I attended a rather brilliant group therapy session on forgiveness that has never left me.
Forgiveness, in the Judeo-Christian western sense of the word, is a deliberate act. It can very easily devolve into a type of one-upmanship and moral superiority stance. The "forgiver" often is known to say that he's "taking the higher ground" and "being the better man" - - while the "forgiven" is judged as less than, and often removed from the circle of friends and family. The forgiver really hasn't forgiven anything, he has just chosen to walk away, feeling superior. This mindset heals no-one.
A greater type of forgiveness does exist, though. It takes the courage to reach out and try to understand why someone has behaved the way they have. What is their background, what is their mindset? Understanding and re-connecting can be true forgiveness. They say that the worst human monster imaginable does not see a monster when they look in the mirror. I find it hard to believe that any creature who could commit rape would not see a monster -- much less rape and murder!!! What this woman did in forgiving that monster beyond my capabilities. I find it amazing.
The exercise of trying to understand a person and still reach out to them, though, has helped me through some rough spots. And as a former xtian, I think that this is the behavior shown, in the most part, by the Jesus described in the gospels.
Forgiveness, in the Judeo-Christian western sense of the word, is a deliberate act. It can very easily devolve into a type of one-upmanship and moral superiority stance. The "forgiver" often is known to say that he's "taking the higher ground" and "being the better man" - - while the "forgiven" is judged as less than, and often removed from the circle of friends and family. The forgiver really hasn't forgiven anything, he has just chosen to walk away, feeling superior. This mindset heals no-one.
A greater type of forgiveness does exist, though. It takes the courage to reach out and try to understand why someone has behaved the way they have. What is their background, what is their mindset? Understanding and re-connecting can be true forgiveness. They say that the worst human monster imaginable does not see a monster when they look in the mirror. I find it hard to believe that any creature who could commit rape would not see a monster -- much less rape and murder!!! What this woman did in forgiving that monster beyond my capabilities. I find it amazing.
The exercise of trying to understand a person and still reach out to them, though, has helped me through some rough spots. And as a former xtian, I think that this is the behavior shown, in the most part, by the Jesus described in the gospels.
"The family that prays together...is brainwashing their children."- Albert Einstein
