(January 3, 2016 at 8:16 am)excitedpenguin Wrote: Can you tell me why you would want to kill yourself? And please tell me if you don't want to talk about it, because I know this isn't actually so much about you as it is about your current environment.
Actually you could PM me about it, if you feel like it and would accept my companionship.
So what's it like there, anyway?
I actually don't want to kill myself, though I am haunted by suicidal ideation. Why? Aside from being mentally ill for over thirty years, four years ago I became suddenly physically disabled and I've had difficulty adjusting and coping with it. It's not a major disability but it has had a profound impact on my life, and it will likely get worse. I struggle with the prospect of completely losing the use of my legs. That combined with the lifelong struggle in my own mind has taken a heavy toll.
What's it like? It's 62 paces from one end of the ward to another. The exterior doors are locked. There's a dining room, group therapy rooms, patient rooms and a nurse's station. It used to be a medical ward. Everything has been made safe from self-harm (e.g. so that patients would find suicide difficult). There's a couple of lockdown rooms for patients who act out (hasn't happened in the time I've been here - since last Tuesday).
There's little to do. I've read all the magazines, the TV is inaccessible almost all the time, and what books they have hold no interest for me. I suppose I could read the damn Bible again (uh, no).
There's a bed check every 15 minutes at night. Can't go outside at all. It would suck to be a smoker, thankfully I no longer am.
There's a lot of routine. Meals, group therapy, meds, vitals, etc.
