Confrontation and Friendly Assertion

[Eilonnwy]

I recently solved a problem with my roomates by being direct about how I feel.

I live in a 1st floor apartment with 2 other girls named Jackie and Kathryn. (Yes, I have the same name as my roommate, it's not that confusing though.) Anyway, this living situation was arranged by craigslist. In essence we rent a room and share common areas. We never knew each other before living together. Unfortunately levels of clealiness vary and Kathryn seems to be the worst of the 3 of us. We don't have a dishwasher so dishes would pile up in the sink. There was one instance when the dish was full of disgusting dishes. I knew some where mine but not the majority. Nevertheless I resolved to clean them but I had also decided to eat pizza that day. I'm lactose intolerant, so if I eat pizza I use the lactaid pills. They've allowed me to indulge in my favorite food but for soem reason that weekend, they failed and I got horribly sick. The dishes never got down and Jackie came home to a horrible mess after a vacation.

Jackie, isntead of trying to address the problem, chose to remove her dishes. She owned the most, but I owned enough of my own that it wasn't inconvenient. I didn't really care about teh dishes, but the childishness of removing dishes as if to punish us.

But it was insulting and I told her as much. I wrote an email that basically stated I respect the right to do what she wants with her dishes, but I don't think that removing the dishes solves a problem it just covers up a symptom. I expressed my disdain for the lack of sweeping (Kathryn owns a dog that sheds horribly) and general cleanliness. I admitted I didn't do as much as I should and explained it half had to do with being frustrated with other people not cleaning and often times being unable to clean because I have been sick a lot.

The end result was we resolved to be cleaner and go back to the weekly cleaning schedule I myself proposed that had been neglected. A couple weeks later and her dishes are back in the cabinets, although I do not use them anymore. I prefer to, from now own, use my own dishes and never leave my dishes in the sink. Even if there are dishes already there I clean my own immediately after using them, so I'm never contributing to the pile.

It seems to be working so far. I firmly believe that any conflict can only be resolved by talking about it instead of playing stupid revenge games.