Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[robvalue]

Good news: I saw the surgeon today. I should hopefully have surgery at the end of November, which will improve my health and allow me to eat a proper diet again.

Bad news: I'm so depressed I don't even care. I'd rather she said she was going to cut my head off. A truck was waiting to pull out on the duel carriageway coming the other way and I wanted it to. Finish me off please. It wouldn't be my fault.

I barely enjoy anything. I do things to keep myself sane. There are very, very few things that give me any pleasure. There's only a few other things I actually want, that would actually bring me some sort of excitement and sense of feeling alive. But almost all of them, I can't have. If I tried to have them, I'd be facing a cost which was too high, to myself and/or others. I'm stuck feeling fucking miserable. And to make it worse, I have the perfect wife. I should be happy. I have everything I should need, right here. Yet this is how I feel.

I think... when surgery goes well, it may improve your quality of life. This might make a huge difference!
We love you, bro.  

Love you too sis, thank you

I'm feeling a little calmer now. Thanks for your support everyone. I'm going to chase up my therapy tomorrow. I was made a promise about when I would have it by, and it's been broken by two weeks.