Oh, ffs.

[Doubting Thomas]

I've thought that when I die I'd like to be cremated and have my ashes dumped from an old railroad bridge into the creek I used to spend a lot of time at when I was a kid. I just enjoyed going down there and enjoying nature. However, my sometimes-Catholic wife, upon hearing this latest edict from the pope likely wouldn't carry out my wishes.

Frankly, I'm surprised they allow cremation now since years ago when I still cared they didn't allow it at all. The rationale is pretty silly, too: When we die our bodies go into the ground, then on the last day when God destroys the earth, our bodies rise up out of the grave and join us in Heaven. Or at least that's how it was explained to me. Which sounds like a great idea, I flit around as an incorporeal soul in Heaven, then one day here comes my putrid, rotting corpse which I have to now wear again. Sure, that's going to be real nice as I try to talk to the likes of famous historical figures or try to make time with the hotties in Heaven. Ever try a pickup line while maggots fall out of your mouth? I could just die. Again.

But apparently somehow when you get cremated your ashes can't just fly up to heaven to join your soul like a skeleton and a bunch of dust can, according to Catholic doctrine.