As I said in the other thread, I'm an amphetamine addict. It actually started from a medication legally prescribed to me for ADHD when I was 17. The doc started me on way too high of a dose, but I realized that I was getting high as hell from it. It gave me such a magical euphoria, made me so sociable, and let me get so much work done in a short period of time. I went back and told the doc, "Meh, I'm sort of feeling it" so he would give me the max dosage. When I first started using it, I didn't even take it enough to really call it drug abuse. I was taking the correct amount as prescribed. It wasn't until I developed a tolerance that I started abusing it way more. And my tolerance went up even more. Soon I couldn't feel a thing from it, so I moved on to getting them illegally, then getting stronger stims. I eventually used meth for a period. At first I smoked it, then I was introduced to IVing and wow, yeah, no coming back from that. I'd go on serious binges that could last 3 to 4 days, with no sleep or solid food. I got so fucking skinny. I couldn't function anymore; the stuff I used to help me function wound up completely controlling me. It was such a terrible feeling, being slave to this substance.
I haven't used since May. I had relapsed then; before that I hadn't used since February. But a lot has happened in those months. I find it much easier to be clean now; I had forgotten how much I enjoyed certain parts of my life. I cut the people out of my life who enabled my addiction, some of whom are addicts themselves; I made sure to tell them I'd be there for them if they wanted to get clean.
I've become much more spiritual; I find that Taoism has really spoke to me. Addicts are bent only on one thing. We look to satisfy ourselves with our vice of choice...to stimulate our senses. This makes it impossible to be happy because that sort of stimulation we get from finally satisfying ourselves with our vice is not an end goal, but rather something that should be a result of an end goal. The feeling we get when we choke down a shot or take a bump should be the feeling we get when we spend time with a good friend, when we finish a project after working long and hard on it, when we kiss somebody we love, when we watch the sunrise, when we watch the sunset... If the feeling we get from a drug is the most satisfying thing we can think of, what is the point? Our connection to our surroundings and, more importantly, those who care about us, is severed. We can't rebuild those connections if our vices are our end goals. I think about this a lot whenever I experience a craving for speed, and it really helps.
I also smoke pot, if I haven't made that obvious. One could argue it goes against some of what I just said, but I don't think about getting stoned all the time. I don't think that if I don't get stoned I won't get anything done. I don't rely on getting stoned to function. Early in my recovery, it helped with my stim cravings. Now it's just a way for me to unwind after a long day and fall asleep. It does not have even close to the same effect on me as uppers do.
I haven't used since May. I had relapsed then; before that I hadn't used since February. But a lot has happened in those months. I find it much easier to be clean now; I had forgotten how much I enjoyed certain parts of my life. I cut the people out of my life who enabled my addiction, some of whom are addicts themselves; I made sure to tell them I'd be there for them if they wanted to get clean.
I've become much more spiritual; I find that Taoism has really spoke to me. Addicts are bent only on one thing. We look to satisfy ourselves with our vice of choice...to stimulate our senses. This makes it impossible to be happy because that sort of stimulation we get from finally satisfying ourselves with our vice is not an end goal, but rather something that should be a result of an end goal. The feeling we get when we choke down a shot or take a bump should be the feeling we get when we spend time with a good friend, when we finish a project after working long and hard on it, when we kiss somebody we love, when we watch the sunrise, when we watch the sunset... If the feeling we get from a drug is the most satisfying thing we can think of, what is the point? Our connection to our surroundings and, more importantly, those who care about us, is severed. We can't rebuild those connections if our vices are our end goals. I think about this a lot whenever I experience a craving for speed, and it really helps.
I also smoke pot, if I haven't made that obvious. One could argue it goes against some of what I just said, but I don't think about getting stoned all the time. I don't think that if I don't get stoned I won't get anything done. I don't rely on getting stoned to function. Early in my recovery, it helped with my stim cravings. Now it's just a way for me to unwind after a long day and fall asleep. It does not have even close to the same effect on me as uppers do.
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